Accountability Group for 20s/30s M

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by Accountability Bud, Jan 30, 2020.

  1. hfr19

    hfr19 Fapstronaut


    There's a lot of books on the Desert Fathers, but here is a link specifically to St. John Cassian's writings against lust and fornification. It's biblically sourced, of course. It comes from his book I believe called the Institutes.
    tedy26 and bertranr like this.
  2. hfr19

    hfr19 Fapstronaut

    Day 11 - still light on the urges, probably because I've been trying to limit idleness. Been reading a lot, and am currently reading the History of Philosophy Vol. 2: Medieval Philosophy. It's interesting how the prototypes of Universities were created during the Middle Ages, and how often monasteries or abbeys would serve as centers for learning and culture including massive libraries. Seemed simple and peaceful back then for your average person.
  3. StayTheCourse2020

    StayTheCourse2020 Fapstronaut

    Hey guys I haven’t been on lately things were going well then tanked hard! Been really struggling and I’m tired of this struggle porn has effectively gotten into my marriage and i couldn’t even have sex with my wife last night and that was a huge wake up call. I’ve felt miserable and horrible that I’ve let it get this far and I’m determined to shut it out and it is truly affecting more than myself now. This is hard to come on here and say this and admit it but I know It is something I must confess. I’m more determined than ever to put an end to this. With everything going on I’ve been getting depressed and feeling heavy hearted so I made a deal with my wife to be off my phone and computer way less but I’m planning on checking in on here still. Stay Strong and Stay The Course
  4. Sorry to hear that things are starting to affect your marriage @StayTheCourse2020. I know that in Terry Crew's story, he mentions that it took his wife walking out on him for him to realize that he had a problem that needed to be fixed right away. That was his wake up call and it seems that you have had yours now. I hope you can maintain this motivation and use this experience as a driving factor to beat porn and masturbation. They say that family motivators are the strongest for people because doing it for someone you love can really be a lot more powerful than just for yourself.

    I think spending less time on the computer is a great way to break the normal habits and routines that lead to porn. Excess, free time is usually a problem, but if you stick to only essential usage, then there will be limited browsing and "non-productive" usage. I think it is good that you also have the support of your wife here and her accountability will be stronger than anyone else.

    You are not the first guy in this situation and you certainly won't be the last. It is a good achievement to admit that you are struggling, but the most important thing is to act on it in a smart way. Make a bulletproof plan, implement it while you are most motivated, and use the accountability of your wife to help enforce it. I am sure you will get through this.
    Take care man.
    Basilio and StayTheCourse2020 like this.
  5. StayTheCourse2020

    StayTheCourse2020 Fapstronaut

    It definitely sucks and I hate that I’ve gotten to this point but I’m hoping this will be the moment I can look back at and see that it was my rock bottom and things got better from there. So I’m definitely motivated as I feel like I’ve been fully exposed and can’t hide it anymore and it feels good and bad. Good that I now know I’m more motivated and have a real world effect I can look at as a reason to stop and also a bad cause well I’ve been exposed and I’ve hit a point where it’s affecting me and my marriage. Stay strong everyone don’t let this control you. And thanks Nick2020 for responding and keeping in touch. Stay The Course.
  6. Basilio

    Basilio Fapstronaut

    Hey guys,

    Last week I relapsed hard and had a few days of watching P and M'ing back to back. As always I completely regret it, but I didn't get down on myself like I used to in the past.

    I find the more mad and ashamed I am at myself, without thinking about how P is affecting my quality of life, then I get lost in the shame and find it difficult to get back to not doing it.

    I know for a fact that last week my routine was thrown off track, and there were instances I was very frustrated after I got back from a short trip. The frustration and lack of control with my routine put me over the edge.

    What I've learnt from this is that my routine can't always be perfect, and there's going to be variances in the week, so I need to be prepared for it when it does happen. I'm not sure exactly what that looks like yet, but I'm working on it.

    Stay strong everyone, and have a great week ahead!

    PS: If you can master this part of your life, anything is possible. This is not an easy path by any means. Respect to everyone on here wanting to make a difference.
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2020
  7. D-Mystifier

    D-Mystifier Fapstronaut

    Hey all,

    Checking back in and giving this another go! Long story short I fully recognize that PMO is the most detrimental thing I do to my own livelihood and happiness. This has been the case for most of my life (started around age 12, currently 30)... Yet, I cannot abstain for longer than a month, which is my best streak to date. This being said I've largely reduced my porn use in the past year, and no longer give in to big time binges like I had been accustomed to. Time to fully commit to the goal to rid PMO from my life!

    Looking forward to getting to know you guys! Planning to get involved in the discord as well.
    StayTheCourse2020, tedy26 and Basilio like this.
  8. JohnPaulGeorgeRingo

    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo Fapstronaut

    Yeah, I know that feeling. It's as though the addiction itself is borne from shame and propagates it. And it's only natural that we'd want to bounce back with even more discipline - but when that fails, then I feel like I can never get disciplined and so the cycle continues downward

    Frustration is one emotion that can totally derail all progress, especially if there are results that you feel aren't coming yet. I love that you learned to be prepared for when things come up and ended with an optimistic and positive message.

    Something that may be helpful to consider is that progress is not always linear but there is a general upward or downward trajectory that we're heading in based on what we do day to day. I've stuck with the 5 minute journalling that you'd introduced me to a few weeks back and I can attribute a lot more of positive momentum coming from that. It's more like a feedback loop than anything, but it reminds me to focus on looking for opportunities through the day more than anything.

    Nobody on here is perfect, but we're all here because we want to be better. Keep on writing here and staying in the community and we'll go further together.
    tedy26, D-Mystifier and Basilio like this.
  9. JohnPaulGeorgeRingo

    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo Fapstronaut

    It's been a tough start to the day in terms of urges.

    I think that's because I felt exhausted when I woke up & wanted to get a rush of dopamine to stop feeling that way. I managed to pull myself away from that, but I fear that I have lost a lot of the willpower that I had saved up for the day this morning, and now I feel like this day is a bit of a wash. I'm going to do what I can to make the second half of today more meaningful and useful than the first, but yeah if anyone else is feeling a little run down, I'm right there with you.

    Still, 5 days feels great to say that, knowing how close I've come to giving up today.
    tedy26 and Basilio like this.
  10. Basilio

    Basilio Fapstronaut

    I know this feeling @JohnPaulGeorgeRingo. Good job on hanging in there though!

    When I have set-backs its usually at night and then I fall asleep, but they're definitely have been times where I do it in the morning. Watching P or doing M in the morning is a huge disruption to the day. I find myself unmotivated and uninspired to do anything whenever that's happened in the past.

    Hopefully, you were able to make the best out of it. Not every day needs to be productive. Even just knocking off the 1 most important task of the day can be a big win when dealing with urges.

    Keep it up!
  11. Basilio

    Basilio Fapstronaut

    A new week, with new opportunities to take action and make a difference in your no PMO journey.

    Stay strong everyone!

    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo and nick2020 like this.
  12. JohnPaulGeorgeRingo

    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo Fapstronaut

    Hey fam,

    I went through quite a low week - and a lot of PMO occurred across it. There is hardly a worse feeling, but I had one illuminating thought that saved me from continuing the downward spiral today. I thought back to how I was 10 years ago when I first started viewing P, and realized that I need to be there for that person - because that is the moment when I taught myself that PMO is the ultimate way to deal with stress and low emotions.

    But, now I'm having to actively choose different ways to deal with stress and anxiety. There is nothing that can heal better than taking constructive action. Writing here is a way to take action. Thanks for your support, I know that it is there for me and there for everyone that may be going off track on their journey, and help to bring them back.
    Basilio, StayTheCourse2020 and zeusmx like this.
  13. zeusmx

    zeusmx Fapstronaut

    That's a beautiful motivation my friend @JohnPaulGeorgeRingo . I was there too. PM to avoid my feelings, to be in an anesthetized mode. An induced break from reality. And it was not helping, and with time, with the years, all the accumulated went bigger. Now I am learning to deal with my emotions, my fears, the real me, working in loving myself. Not an easy task. But it is possible. And it is totally worth, believe me. Count with my complete support my dear buddy.
    Basilio and JohnPaulGeorgeRingo like this.
  14. Hero's Journey

    Hero's Journey Fapstronaut

  15. Pia501

    Pia501 Fapstronaut

    1. Phil, male
    2. 26
    3. Since I was about 13
    4. I have suffered from erectile dysfunction, lack of enthusiasm, loss of libido. I have had relationship issues my whole life.
    5. I am getting married in 2 years and really need to get it together and work on freeing myself of this habit.
    6. Talk to more people about it and keep in touch with you guys to hold myself accountable.
    7. I am trying to join a few WhatsApp groups and see if any seem to match up with my timezone, age and similar problems. I want a few guys I am comfortable talking about with this.
    StayTheCourse2020 likes this.
  16. StayTheCourse2020

    StayTheCourse2020 Fapstronaut

    Welcome man,
    We all are here cause we struggle so welcome to the group. As you will hear from a lot of the guys, get a game plan down on how to deal with temptation when it comes cause it will. Also you will never be perfect but fight as hard as you can to attain it. It’s good you’re trying to get it under control now before you get married; I didn’t when I got married and it’s been a struggle and it took issues in my marriage for me to get better at it. I’m not perfect but I’m working to try to be. Keep in mind what’s important to you and your future not just a momentary desire. Stay The Course Brother!
    Pia501 likes this.
  17. Basilio

    Basilio Fapstronaut

    Hi everyone,

    I just came across a really great TED talk about porn (there's so many out there) that I'll share below.

    This video gave me the most visceral reaction out of any other video about porn I have watched before. At one point, I even teared up a little because the speaker's message took me back to my days as a young boy growing up in a pornified culture.

    Anyways, I'll let you guys watch and experience it for yourself:

  18. silly air

    silly air New Fapstronaut

    1. M
    2. 30
    3. 17 years use
    4. I think I have been seeing seeing the gradual effects of PIED, mostly I have managed to get away with my extremely high usage (this has actually made it harder for me to believe I have an issue).
    5. I'm not down for any permanent physical or chemical damage and don't want it to be the thing that my mind seems to default to.
    6. Accountability is huge for me, I'm a competitor and somewhat gamifying it might help. I'm hoping to meet some people in a similar boat to help each other on this journey.
    7. I think removing triggers is the first step, certain websites etc. But also finding things to distract myself as soon as I catch myself.

      I'm at a confused stage in my journey. Because I'm still somewhat fighting acceptance of the problem. I'm disappointed and frustrated that I have this issue that isn't an issue for everyone (maybe from being sort of an 'over-achiever'). And that it feels like I'm being told that I can't do something I enjoy.

      Reading other entries here has been really nice - to normalise the issue. And I've watched some content recently that really speaks to me. I attended a sex addiction meeting once, but it felt like they wanted to use spirituality as the reason and answer for change, which really didn't appeal to me, rather than science.

      If anyone shares similar feelings, please reach out, it would be great to talk.
    Hero's Journey likes this.
  19. Hero's Journey

    Hero's Journey Fapstronaut

    Q. 1. Who is really enslaved?
    A. One who is attached to the objects of the senses.
    Q. 2. What is freedom (or liberation)?
    A. Non-attachment to worldly objects.
    Q.3. Who are the worst enemies?
    A. Our own senses. They are our friends when subjugated.
    Q. 4. What is the deadliest of all poisons?
    A. All sensual enjoyments.
    Q. 5. Who is miserable for ever?
    A. He who is attached to worldly enjoyments.

    In enjoyment there is fear of disease; in social position, the fear of falling off; in wealth, the fear of hostility; in honor, the fear of humiliation; in power, the fear of foe men; in beauty, the fear of old age; in scriptural erudition, the fear of opponents; in virtue, the fear of traducers; in body, the fear of death.
    All the things of this world pertaining to human beings are attended with fear; renunciation alone stands for fearlessness.

    So let us try to renunciate the sexual desire from us which is at root of the majority of miseries we face in our world. Let's use sex only for the purpose of producing another human being and not more than that.
    All men are running for women in this world; let us try to be different from them.
    tedy26 likes this.

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