Accountability Group for 20s/30s M

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by Accountability Bud, Jan 30, 2020.

  1. Basilio

    Basilio Fapstronaut

    Hi everyone,

    I just came across a really great TED talk about porn (there's so many out there) that I'll share below.

    This video gave me the most visceral reaction out of any other video about porn I have watched before. At one point, I even teared up a little because the speaker's message took me back to my days as a young boy growing up in a pornified culture.

    Anyways, I'll let you guys watch and experience it for yourself:

  2. silly air

    silly air New Fapstronaut

    1. M
    2. 30
    3. 17 years use
    4. I think I have been seeing seeing the gradual effects of PIED, mostly I have managed to get away with my extremely high usage (this has actually made it harder for me to believe I have an issue).
    5. I'm not down for any permanent physical or chemical damage and don't want it to be the thing that my mind seems to default to.
    6. Accountability is huge for me, I'm a competitor and somewhat gamifying it might help. I'm hoping to meet some people in a similar boat to help each other on this journey.
    7. I think removing triggers is the first step, certain websites etc. But also finding things to distract myself as soon as I catch myself.

      I'm at a confused stage in my journey. Because I'm still somewhat fighting acceptance of the problem. I'm disappointed and frustrated that I have this issue that isn't an issue for everyone (maybe from being sort of an 'over-achiever'). And that it feels like I'm being told that I can't do something I enjoy.

      Reading other entries here has been really nice - to normalise the issue. And I've watched some content recently that really speaks to me. I attended a sex addiction meeting once, but it felt like they wanted to use spirituality as the reason and answer for change, which really didn't appeal to me, rather than science.

      If anyone shares similar feelings, please reach out, it would be great to talk.
    CenteredSoul and Hero's Journey like this.
  3. Hero's Journey

    Hero's Journey Fapstronaut

    Q. 1. Who is really enslaved?
    A. One who is attached to the objects of the senses.
    Q. 2. What is freedom (or liberation)?
    A. Non-attachment to worldly objects.
    Q.3. Who are the worst enemies?
    A. Our own senses. They are our friends when subjugated.
    Q. 4. What is the deadliest of all poisons?
    A. All sensual enjoyments.
    Q. 5. Who is miserable for ever?
    A. He who is attached to worldly enjoyments.

    In enjoyment there is fear of disease; in social position, the fear of falling off; in wealth, the fear of hostility; in honor, the fear of humiliation; in power, the fear of foe men; in beauty, the fear of old age; in scriptural erudition, the fear of opponents; in virtue, the fear of traducers; in body, the fear of death.
    All the things of this world pertaining to human beings are attended with fear; renunciation alone stands for fearlessness.

    So let us try to renunciate the sexual desire from us which is at root of the majority of miseries we face in our world. Let's use sex only for the purpose of producing another human being and not more than that.
    All men are running for women in this world; let us try to be different from them.
    tedy26 likes this.
  4. Thanks for the share @Basilio! I think the scariest part about this video is that it is from 2015. I could tell by what she identified as mainstream websites... But regardless, since then it has only gotten more extreme. I really like how she highlights the damaging effect of the sexualized culture for young boys as well as girls. The fact that you don't even need to watch porn and still be exposed to so much sexualization all around us is worrisome. I could not imagine growing up in grammer school in 2020 and experiencing all of this at such a young age.
    We can discuss in more detail on Sunday!
    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo and Basilio like this.
  5. student dude

    student dude Fapstronaut

    1. I'm male
    2. I'm 24
    3. I've been using porn for 12 years
    4. erectile dysfunction, objectify women, seek short term gratification, cant enjoy life as much, wasted tons of time sex chatting which has impacted my career prospects and life in general
    5. Stop wasting time, be able to enjoy real sex again to the fullest
    6. avoid social media, MO when i get strong urges, leave my room when i get urges, write in journal, log my relapses and what led to them, find a good IRL partner, engage with other people who are in the same struggle
    7. limit how much i check social media each day, not beat myself up for MOing, not worry if i lose a few hours of work if its to reduce fapping, (the rest are pretty straightforward)
    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo likes this.
  6. ush

    ush Fapstronaut

    1. Hi! I am ush
    2. I m 23 years old.
    3.I m watching porn from 2013
    4. it rained my mindfulness, my social skills, my memory, my relationships, and all ways make me self disappointed, I caused for depression (it always feels like "life is amazing, even though I m depressed" )
    5. I need my good memory back, I want to lose my anxiety, I want to focus on my studies, I want to put great effort on my work without giving up!
    6. I downloaded software which blocks out pornsites. And i now i m wakeup earlier and having a cold shower, caring my self , feed my self, and i get always busy with my work. i m using my leisure time effectively.
    7.i think this site and act. partner really helps me with that!! cuz everyone ideas, keep encourage me ! i want to reboot myself and give my ideas to other members too. i ll share my experience throughout this journey !! i think it will be helps to others!
  7. ush

    ush Fapstronaut

    Hi! we are in same boat ! i started today as well. we can share our ideas and experiences !!!!!!!! good luck on ur NoFap journey !! lets succeed together!
  8. Basilio

    Basilio Fapstronaut

    How is everyone doing? What's something that you have been proud of accomplishing lately? Or what's been a struggle for you lately?

    For me, I have been reminding myself that patience is really important in achieving my goals. I had a really bad relapse a few weeks ago, and going 10 days with no P has felt like an eternity.

    Luckily I am back working out at the gym and was able to go four times this week. It was literally the only thing I looked forward to doing as it got me out of the house, and working on my strength and physique.

    A lot of people are saying 2020 is a "ride-off", but I disagree. I think we're all just adjusting back to the way things were before the pandemic, and enjoying life once again.
    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo likes this.
  9. Jmo2323

    Jmo2323 Fapstronaut

    1. Male
    2. 35 y/o
    3. Age 11ish
    4. Porn has had an profound negative impact on my life. I progressed relatively quickly to higher risk pornography at a young age. I quickly became addicted to transgender porn in my teens. Then my use was daily multiple times/day. This wax and waned over years due to other addictive issues. I was an alcoholic and drug addict from 14-21 yrs old. I've been substance free for 13 years. My pornography use over the years has decreased likely just from and I have had a few periods of stopping or only doing M/O but always eventually would move back to P. I never sought help for this and just "decided", which in hindsight seems foolish. Recently, I disclosed my pornography history to my wife of 10 years. She had some idea early in our relationship that I had used porn but intended to stop, but she never knew what kind of porn and needless to say she was shocked. Part of the struggle of having progressed to transgender porn was questioning my sexuality. It was a relief to find others in nofap who have experienced similar and have found through proper reset their natural sexual interests restored.
    5. Recently disclosed years of using porn behind my wife's back and relationship is being tested.
    6. My experience in substance recovery has given me some idea of daily reminders and routines that had worked for me in the past. I have several reminders and I find tactile reminders to be helpful like a bracelet or a coin. Daily phone reminders to reaffirm my goals. I'm also looking at mindfulness and exercise as new routines to aide in my recovery. My initial goal is 30 days PMO then 60 days of PM, but after 30 PMO I may decide to continue with PMO, but going to reevaluate personally and with my partner.
    7. Developing a network of support and increasing healthy coping strategies as discussed above.
    zeusmx and Hero's Journey like this.
  10. Hero's Journey

    Hero's Journey Fapstronaut

  11. Hi guys, checking in again after a long absence, hope you're all well! I made amazing progress and got to 50 days (again) - basically thought I had put porn and non loving sex behind me... Then went to a party and slept with a friend I had always found attractive - but only in a sexual way, I didn't see her as a partner. I didn't O as wanted to complete the 90 days, but the mind in the days after was unreal, my urges were ridiculous. Two weeks later she visited and we slept together again where I Oed (at 64 days) - afterwards I felt crushing sadness as it was the first time in 7 months and first person since my ex. I then had a week of MO and sometimes PMO, now trying to return to the NoFap journey.

    Has anyone got any suggestions on yoga or Tai Chi for transmutation? I remember seeing a video on these forums somewhere with something about breathing exercises which spreads the sexual energy around the body.
    Basilio likes this.
  12. Hello, everybody, I really need accountability, so I can't wait to join this group. Here is some info about myself:

    1. Male
    2. 22 years old
    3. Been using porn for 10 years
    4. Pornography has made a huge negative impact on my life, for a sheer fact that it is responsible for a position that I'm in my today's life, which is not good. I don't have a higher education, I still live with my parents, I don't have any money, I don't have a girlfriend, and many more things that I want to change. So I'm ready to make a change.
    5. I decided to quit using porn, because I want to become the best version of myself possible and porn has no place in the life of that person.
    6. For me, procrastination and porn use go hand in hand, and because my end goal is not the disposal of my porn addiction (even though it is the biggest root of my problem), but constant personal growth, I will replace my bad habits with good habits. Because I'm an early riser and I operate more efficiently if a have a productive morning, I optimized my morning routine to the following: get up at 5AM, go for a run, do some pranayama breathing after a run followed by meditation, and then take a cold shower after. I noticed that it works for me best when I do it this way. Then the remainder of the day it is all about keeping myself busy, so I'll spend most of my time studying web development, because I'm planning to find a job for myself in this field by the end of the year.
    7. Accountability group would be a game changer for me, because I know that I can run circles around myself, but when I have other people who support me and keep me in check, the results will be better. Plus, when you make promises and help other people go through their problems, it encourages you to lead by example, which also translates to better results.
    Hero's Journey likes this.
  13. StayTheCourse2020

    StayTheCourse2020 Fapstronaut

    Hey guys haven’t been on in awhile, I’ve been on a road trip and just super busy but I set my personal best streak and then I just crashed hard. I started spiraling back down and am in the thick of it again. It’s been about two weeks of struggling and losing. I’m Trying to stop and get back on track but I’m not doing great. I just have a lot of free time and that’s when I’m failing. I came on here, after not wanting to, in order to confess it out to you guys and get my bearings straight again. I miss being on the long streaks and want to get back but need some prayer and help.
  14. zeusmx

    zeusmx Fapstronaut

    The good thing is that you were on the path before @StayTheCourse2020 . Take it from there. Find your rhythm, get on it. We will be here supporting you.
  15. JohnPaulGeorgeRingo

    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo Fapstronaut

    Hi everyone - like a lot of the more recent posts I want to start by apologizing for drifting away from the group for the past few weeks. I know that a recovery community is only that if you stay a part of that community, so if I let anyone down I apologize. One of the major reasons why I wasn't joining the calls was that I had a streak of Sundays where I had plans with my friends/family and didn't want to miss out on that.

    I was going through some things, and basically just got back into old routines. Glazed over and lost track of time and progress. But, progress is not linear fortunately, and I know that being back here is going to be for the best. So - yeah, I am back. How's everyone?
    zeusmx likes this.
  16. StayTheCourse2020

    StayTheCourse2020 Fapstronaut

    Glad you’re back on, it’s a struggle for everyone to stay connected at times but glad to see you back in here. Things have been up and down as I’m sure it is for a lot of people days where I never think about looking at things and other days where I start looking at soft core stuff and slowly get brought into it and then I stop myself but I still feel defeated when I stop. Been a struggle to get back on a good streak.
    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo likes this.
  17. Hero's Journey

    Hero's Journey Fapstronaut

  18. Hero's Journey

    Hero's Journey Fapstronaut

    We have to be pure in our thoughts then only we could endure the continuous bombardment of sensuous temptations of this world.
  19. Hero's Journey

    Hero's Journey Fapstronaut


    Once in Persia reigned a king,
    Who upon a signet ring,
    Carved a maxim strange and wise,
    When held before his eyes,
    Gave him counsel at a glance,
    Fit for every change and chance:
    Solemn words, and these were they:

    Trains of camel through the sand
    Brought him gems from Samarcand;
    Fleets of galleys over the seas
    Brought him pearls to rival these,
    But he counted little gain,
    Treasures of the mine or main;
    “What is wealth?” the king would say,

    Mid the pleasures of his court
    At the zenith of their sport,
    When the palms of all his guests
    Burned with clapping at his jests,
    Seated midst the figs and wine,
    Said the king, “Ah, friends of mine.
    Pleasure comes but not to stay,

    Woman, fairest ever seen
    Was the bride he crowned as queen,
    Pillowed on the marriage-bed
    Whispering to his soul, he said,
    “Though no monarch ever pressed
    Fairer bosom to his breast,
    Mortal flesh is only clay!

    Fighting on the furious field,
    Once a javelin pierced his shield,
    Soldiers with a loud lament
    Bore him bleeding to his tortured side,
    “Pain is hard to bear;” he cried.
    “But with patience, day by day,

    Towering in a public square
    Forty cubits in this air,
    And the king disguised, unknown,
    Gazed upon his sculptured name.
    And he pondered, “What is fame?”
    “Fame is but a slow decay!

    Struck with palsy, sore and old,
    Waiting at the gates of gold,
    Said he with his dying breath
    “Life is done, but what is Death?”
    Then as answer to the king
    Fell a sunbeam on his ring;
    Showing by a heavenly ray.

    —Theodore Tilton
  20. wontwatchpornanymore

    wontwatchpornanymore Fapstronaut


    I"d like to join the group.

    If you would like to join, please reply to this thread with:
    1. Your gender: Male
    2. Your age; 33
    3. How long you have been using porn; 20 years
    4. The impact pornography use has had on your life; PIED, lost my wife, a lot of missed opportunities.
    5. Why you have decided to quit using porn; my wife left me and I miss her. I realize that I can't continue on the same track.
    6. Your plan to stop using porn: Start by 30 days of no PM, then do other 30 days... like that until 6 months at least..
    7. How you intend to follow through with your plan: This is my 10th attempt of quiting P. In my first attempt, I quit for 3 months. This time, I want to rely on Accountability Groups and APs since I am sure now I cannot do this on my own.

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