ACCOUNTABILITY GROUP FOR PEOPLE ABOVE 30 Y.O

First time post. Hope this works. Day 0.

 

Thanks @12ove Unfortunately I relapsed today because of the stress. Probably should have done this sooner looking back.

 

Relapsed. Looking back I think a lot of this happened due to stress. I should not have kept pushing myself so hard. I see how depression plays its role in this too. Don't have the words right now. Feel so completely powerless at this point against it and everything right now in life. I'll get back but this is so demoralizing.

 

30 days completed. Having some crazy strong urges last night and today was hard to sleep last night for wanting to M. Carried over to today, tired and feeling like it again but posting here to make myself reaffirm my resolve to not give in to these urges, they are just temporary and will go in time. Going to go out for a walk and do some walking meditation until they pass.

 

You can do it! I'm at roughly the same point and have been going through similar. Urges yesterday and carrying into today. Decided to go for a walk this morning and it helped lessen the intensity.

 

I woke up today the same way I wake up most days. I was worried and had anxiety and doubt. Doubt about various things. But mostly doubt about if I'll be able to regain my life. If my brain will ever change from what I made it. If I was a lost cause. Doubt about if I had enough strength to continue this fight. This whole frame of thinking probably lasted 30 minutes. My thoughts took turns and went down different roads. Thoughts about failure as a man, a partner, a son, a brother, etc.. This is just what my brain does at times, this isn't new. And I've had far worse series of thoughts than the ones I had today. But as I dwelled in my sorrow, and identified all my shortcomings and failures, I had a quick moment of clarity.

Nothing groundbreaking or anything, but I realized that even though I'm struggling, and I'm exhausted, and worried. I am closer than I have ever been to beating this habit. And I don't mean streak wise. I've had longer streaks than the current one I'm on. I mean that I understand more and more why I need to quit. I also believe the efforts I've made mentally and physically are compounding even if it doesn't feel that way right now. For several months I have focused on beating this habit. I have tried to understand how and why I fell so far, and been on the road to recovery ever since.

I don't know if this streak will carry me to my desired outcome yet. There's no way to know how long it will take for me to be rid of what I believe to be negative thoughts. But I've been moving in the right direction for months now. I've take a few steps back at times, but I've stayed on the road for this whole time. My old ignorant self was probably less conflicted and perhaps happier than my current self. But the old me also was a shell of a human being. I'm far better than the old ignorant me who didn't realize what porn was doing to him. So for that I am thankful. And for that I continue to have hope.

 

Good day, no real urges and getting my hours of study in so can't complain.

 

I'm sorry to hear that dude. It feels awful, I know. Often when I've relapsed and felt that hollow, dreadful feeling, I've distracted myself in a variety of ways. However, sometimes I've just allowed myself to experience the fullness of that agitated state, and all the while try to self-talk, thinking things like 'so was it worth it? Were those moments of bliss worth days of feeling like dog shit?' I find that if I can allow the feeling to be experienced with minimal distraction, it dovetails nicely into a more solid streak. Just my two cents and good luck brother.

 

Day 7
I’m struggling today with fatigue, weakness, and despair. I feel rejected and incompetent at my job. These are the conditions that lead to relapse. Escape from these physical withdrawal symptoms. I know if I MO I will feel better again physically. But I would also feel incredible shame and remorse. I guess right now my mind is tricking me to feel shame even though I haven’t yet MO’d. I don’t know how to get out of this state. My wife is working tonight and I have to take care of my 4 kids by myself and I don’t have anything to give.

 

@puius8435 I hope you made it out of the urge man. I can't give great advice considering I don't have any kids, a wife, or a job (now I need a pep talk). But if you can get through tonight (or if you got through the night) your gains will be exponential. Stay strong.

 

60 days. Checking in. Last Covid-19 lockdown pushed me into the deepest rabbit hole I've ever been in my life and seems like new lockdown is coming soon, but what has changed is my mindset. 60 days in and going strong, but it's a struggle still. Problem is not about the urges, but fatigue and exhaustion. Need to work and get back on the grind, like it was 2 years ago. Stay strong everybody!

 

Day 31. Checking in. It’s been quite stressful at work. Been struggling lately with urges. Need to get back on the horse in terms of exercise, diet, and sleep.

 

Day 8, doing better today. Hope everyone is well

 

@InnerMan thanks my friend. I like your idea about facing the relapse with minimal distraction. I think I try to "get over" the shitty feelings too quick.

 

Day 2. Much going on in my life. Found out my aunt I'm close with passed suddenly. Spoke with a close relative about life. She encouraged me to put myself out there and let my friend turned crush know how I really feel about her because life is too short. It feels like the worst idea I've ever had for a number of reasons but I did it anyway. I won't have any regrets though in my life about it and I'll be able to finally move on. It's been hell today but I was shocked at how much I've weathered all this. Been facing these fears/demons head on. Hope everyone is doing ok

 

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.”
― Anais Nin

NO REGRETS !!!!

 

Hi all, bucking the trend I know but im still fapping but i'am porn free for 2 weeks

 

Sorry about your aunt and great to hear you're facing those demons!

 

Checking in.

Also, I've been giving affirmations a try and I find this guy's channel helpful, especially this:

It'll feel like a huge disconnect at first between what you're hearing and what you think about yourself but the more you feel into it and start to internalize it, the better. I still have the disconnect but it's been a very useful exercise to go through, and goes really well with nofap or SR goals

 

Hey Web Devil,

Great to see your progress. Your approach to removing the counter is a good one, especially if you have obsessive tendencies ( like myself ).

I for one have got multiple counters in a bunch of different places... On NoFap.com counter, on phone App, on PC App... My idea is the opposite, that it will be such a pain to reset all those counters that I might as well not masturbate... innit!?

Yep planning a good weekend, actually taking the weekend off from work for the first time ever, and visiting family out of town.

Great weekend to all y'all as well.