ACCOUNTABILITY GROUP FOR PEOPLE ABOVE 30 Y.O

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by control your life, Nov 11, 2019.

  1. Damomad

    Damomad Fapstronaut

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    Check in, feel like I’m just struggling through this week, really looking forward to the holidays. Have noticed a libido downturn, no will or energy to break the streak. Think I may be flatlining. I’ll keep pushing through.
     
  2. 12ove

    12ove Fapstronaut

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    Check in. Been doing well today I had some urges, still am..but I have made the mindful decision to deny my urge to look at P. I am going to write in my journal and do the dishes instead.
     
  3. @blahblah2930 sorry to hear about the rough first day but glad you got through it! You can do this!

    @Damomad congrats on 24 days complete! Great accomplishment and it definitely sounds like a flatline. I remember when I had that long of a streak in the past it was definitely around that time. Stay strong, means your brain is re calibrating.

    @12ove keep it up! Good job on getting to 5 days and way to refocus when the urges come. You can also always reach out to me if you need to. I'm on here pretty often.
     
  4. Checking in. Dreary day here in NYC. Funny enough I think it helps my PMO cuz I'm almost too depressed to care about it lol. On day 17. More and more I realize its not about counting the days (altho I am) and more about a lifestyle change. I know there's no magic number. 90 is no different than 1 or 7 or 700 or 10,000. I'm not suddenly going to be 'fixed' on day 90. I want to connect with women in a real way (and men, all people really). This will take time. The rest of my life actually. I notice the more of a rush I am in to count days (WHY CANT IT BE DAY 90 ALREADY?!) the less effective this feels. So I'm taking the counting with a grain of salt. This is a slow burn. And that's ok. Hope everyone is hanging in there.
     
  5. Damomad

    Damomad Fapstronaut

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    Jeez weird dream last night, one of my favourite “actresses” was there up to her usual old tricks. I was able to stay strong and walk away even in the dream.

    now that is something lol
     
  6. im’possible

    im’possible Fapstronaut

    Congrats and wishing you all the luck. I'm also taking the path so would love to hear you guys progress.

    Hello to all, waiting for the driving class in the upcoming days. I'm going against my nagative feeling about it by days.
     
  7. Raging Wife

    Raging Wife Fapstronaut

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    Well today is day 17.... he said he has been sweating a lot since last night. The bed was soaking this morning on his side so presume it's a withdrawal symptom?
    He is a very strong minded man, when he wants to be. He cant believe now after reading up on it all he let it get hold of him, he feels weak. He keeps telling me how happy he is that I still want to help him even though I hate him. I tell him I love him with all my heart and soul and if he wasnt loved this much I wouldn't even entertain it! He is my husband and we have 3 kids together and 5 in total. I want the 4 boys at least to see that we stick together and work through our problems and not run away from them, the baby is far too young to see anything yet, but the boys have picked up something is wrong so rather than let them think it's something they've done weve just told them were having problems but we are working in them all together. It must have been on their little minds because there was instant relief.
    Was very surprised he spoke to both of my older boys also and asked them about porn and to refrain from using it if possible. He was surprised to learn that my 15 year old is on a 24 day Nofap challenge arranged by a gamer called LUCID on chat app called Discord. There are over 100 of these kids doing Nofap and some are getting on so well. I asked that he concentrate on a real life girl and not an on screen one. Its hard for this generation because everything and everyone is online, their whole social life is online ffs! I'm telling them basically to go out and play alone because all their friends are indoors on their electronics!
    There was a video I watched saying this problem only affects less than 5% of the worlds population. I have to disagree with this seen as though I now have 2 nofappers in my household. There are 7 of us in here and 2 are on Nofap, cant even work out what percentage that is because I'm crap at maths lol but it doesnt look like a small issue to me.
     
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2019
  8. Paf-On

    Paf-On Fapstronaut

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    Hallo @im'possible
    Really nice to meet you
    How is your journey?

    I'm still focusing to observe my emotion and feeling. It only take one second to destroy our guard...
    Keep strong
    Keep vigilance
     
  9. Damomad

    Damomad Fapstronaut

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    Wow that is pretty inspiring, seeing so many young people recognise the problem early and taking action. Also props to your husband for having the discussion with your son, I never had such an outlet growing up and it could have made an immeasurable difference.

    I hope he can login here to share his story in the near future.
     
  10. Raging Wife

    Raging Wife Fapstronaut

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    I know I couldn't quite believe it myself, kids holding each other accountable.
    I have said if it gets too much to handle or he starts getting aggressive then just to do his business because i am aware that all boys/men need a tension/testosterone release due to mood swings etc. I think it saved my 2 boys who both have (combined adhd) from being put in jail or kicked out of school. My older boy much prefers girls, has a new one each week but he just chats to them to find out more about them and 9/10 times they dont last. He must have a very high expectation of what sort of girl he wants in his future. The 15 year old is so shy its unreal and struggles with everything from talking in general face to face to moving very slowly. He has only just started speaking to a girl who hangs out with his group because she is a tomboy.
    I was bought up in england with my mum who was very open about sexuality and walked around in nude or underwear. I'm glad she did because I'm the same, even with my boys in the house, they dont bat an eyelid, they will not be shy or embarrassed by their bodies hopefully and in turn will see that the female form takes many shapes and sizes and to appreciate them all, not just the perfect ones online and in media. My husband was bought up in rural Ireland within catholic community, sex was taboo, no one discussed it, if they did they were probably forced to say 100 hail Mary's and then it came out in his teens loads of his mates were abused by priests as alter boys (which his gran banned him from ever doing thank god).
    He will eventually start writing, he is reading and watching for now. Not sure what he has read of what I have wrote yet but he knows my names raging wife lol poor bloke. I'm gonna keep the name now because it's how I felt upon finding out, again. Hopefully there is a bloke out there who sees the name and thinks twice about making his wife fly into a rage with secrets and lies.
     
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  11. Damomad

    Damomad Fapstronaut

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    As someone brought up in rural Ireland myself, I can seriously relate. My folks no doubt were still carrying over the remnants of catholic indoctrination. I never had a talk about how to deal with sex and was left to my own devices to figure it out. My folks turned out ok because the internet wasn’t around in their time. Different story these days.
     
  12. I know exactly what you mean and this is a good reminder for me as well. Thanks and stay strong!

    Day 5 here for me.
     
    control your life likes this.
  13. colio

    colio Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, my experience is it goes in waves. You experiencing that? Some stretch I'll be low libido, then libido comes breezing in the door shouting that its back. Very back. Too back. Then back out the door. Who knows? The thing I think we should keep in mind is that none of it will remain as it is. Energy will return. Just get that next foot in front of the other. Keep marching. Massive congratulations.
     
  14. colio

    colio Fapstronaut

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    Signing on to see my number... because I've been struggling with urges. Everywhere. Not today, Mr. Mind, not today. Oy.

    Ever forward. All power to you guys.
     
  15. Raging Wife

    Raging Wife Fapstronaut

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    Well I will let him know about you, he will be interested to know someone can relate as from same neck of the woods. It's a totally different world over there, they would shun you for farting in public in some villages! Big cities and towns are a bit more current but mostly it's very old fashioned. I suppose I have a bit of both worlds in my upbringing. I have my openness from my Welsh mother and my manners, standards and morals from my Irish religious father (who was irish catholic but converted to jehovah's witness 30 years ago - why mum divorced him). We were both dragged up in the 80's and living on the breadline in different countries while our parents spent most of their time in the pub and drinking with friends, pretty much left to our own devices the majority of the time too. No one explained anything to either of us. I was sexually abused so also have issues with intimacy at times but I've overcome a lot of hurdles, spent the whole of the past year in trauma therapy to get over it and now I have the trauma of the P addiction to add to it, which to be honest doesn't add much more than I'm already suffering. If I didn't love him so much he would be gone. I've been hurt in the past and I struggle with commitment but he was the one for me as soon as I laid eyes on him. We met in a bar, which is no longer cliche because most people meet online nowadays. I did the whole online dating thing before we met and to be honest most men were only after one thing and made it obvious the others were just weird. I seen a psychic who told me that I needed to get myself out more and meet new people and stop refusing invites from friends (which I was at the time). I deleted all my dating profiles and went out the next weekend. I sang on the karaoke and he (hubby) approached me after and told me i had a lovely voice and asked if he could buy me a drink! The rest is history! Being online is actually depressing and causes even more self esteem issues. For anyone looking to meet a nice lady, go out and find one, approach her and pay her a compliment, maybe offer her a gift of a nice drink (maybe not a vodka though). Worked for me! Lol

    Nice to see everyone checking in.
    I feel like an imposter here because I'm an SO but im a good listener and hope something I say might help someone. My husband is also 17 day P-free today so congrats to him. Love you babe!
     
  16. Damomad

    Damomad Fapstronaut

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    Absolutely. I was talking to a girl at work earlier (shes single too) and I felt like I had to try very hard to keep it under wraps. I couldn't even concentrate on what she was saying, my libido was off the charts.

    Then tonight, I lost a game of soccer against friends and felt really upset about it which is unlike me. Finding my emotions are a bit haywire currently.
     
  17. Damomad

    Damomad Fapstronaut

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    It really is. I was reminiscing with some old friends last week. We were on the subject of religion and we were talking about how in our old school (an all boys school run by priests) the indoctrination was heavy. When we were 13 or so, I recall a teacher forcing us to watch a VCR of a live abortion, intending to turn us against it. They taught us about abortions at 13 but made no mention of sexual intercourse even until the day I left at 18. Fucking crazy. Luckily the Catholic church is dying on its arse over here, parents from our generation are shielding their children from it and who could blame them.

    Sorry to hear about your troubles but really glad you are getting help and sharing it, which in turn will protect others from it. I really struggle with commitment and have been hiding for the past couple of years. I use dating apps but I'm too shy to follow through and I hate how vain and judgemental I become with them. I see a superficial looking blonde and I'm all over her but in real life she'd be a turn off for me (no offence if you are blonde and beautiful lol). I'm honestly better in the open with a pint in hand at a bar but alcoholism runs in the family so it's something I try to limit. But then maybe the family alcoholism is just another excuse for me to avoid putting myself out there.

    Anyway the last time I had a streak going I was dating and I'm determined to get back out there. Gig tomorrow night with friends is a perfect opportunity.

    I really respect you sharing your story and it's good to have all points of view in the thread! Life's tough but at least we can support each other through it.
     
  18. 12ove

    12ove Fapstronaut

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    Thats awesome! I appreciate it, and will message you if I am ever in the doldrums!
     
  19. You bet! I think each one of us should be here for everyone in this group. That's what being an AP is all about. We are going through this together!
     
  20. 12ove

    12ove Fapstronaut

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    @StraightEdge3616 You are right. I wish I could be logged in more but I generally am not even next to my computer or phone. Spend most of my time on here between 3-6pst

    I am getting through my most difficult day right now. It is getting easier.
     

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