ACCOUNTABILITY GROUP FOR PEOPLE ABOVE 30 Y.O

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by control your life, Nov 11, 2019.

  1. colio

    colio Fapstronaut

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    Happy New Year All! Just got back into town last night. Was on a family-a-rama tour. Wowzers. Kind of a behind-the-curtains view of my mental shortcomings. I felt like a grand slalom skier flying through one odd passive aggressive comment after another. But, such is the Ho Ho Ho.

    On more important fronts, I spent a lot of time with my son and my wife. My little boy is transitioning from his crib to a bed. Right now, he doesn't feel comfortable sleeping in a bed alone, so my wife and I would take turns sleeping next to him at night and for his nap. Lying next to this young man and looking on him, I imprinted an image of one other person I'm striving to break old habits for. I don't want him to 1) feel shame 2) feel like he can't reach out (PS: both huge caverns I slip into). The biggest challenge I'm going through right now is with my wife's having found this forum, and consequently, the truth about my P habit. We've been sidestepping most of the conversations since our first therapy session, but bit by bit we're bringing it up. It's by far the scariest place I've ever been. I have a therapist, and he was the first and only person I ever told about my struggling with porn. Then, finally, I got on board here to find community and really set my mind to marching through and past this habit. And, THAT's, when she finds out. Oy. Because I wasn't trying to hide.

    But, she has made it known that she's by my side. She's still struggling with things she read, thoughts she's having about what it all means, and the like. I'm struggling with a whole host of feelings. I don't want to feel ashamed for having had a habit of porn, and yet to feel the remorse, regret and, I guess, sorrow, of having felt unable to trust her with telling her about it. I also want to feel good about the work that we're all doing here. AND I want to find a way to deal with all the feelings that are swirling all around me that I'm not numbing with P.

    My libido is flaring. I'm understanding that what we're doing here isn't about short-circuiting our sexual drives. It's about flushing out all the associations and impulses we've attached to those drives. To be sure, I'm feeling a lot right now. I feel pretty heightened, and not in the best of ways. I feel kind of uncomfortable in my own skin. The other thing that is crashing all around me is a shame driven by an endless loop of a voice in my head that is constant - always comparing me to someone else who is ALWAYS seen as more successful, and I'm ALWAYS seen by myself as a failure. I am setting the resolution / intention / shout that I am going to be self-referenced as much as I possibly can. I want to compare myself to myself and no one else. Right now, much easier said than done, but this is where I am.

    I am happy to be going into 2020 with 50+ days P free. I am committed to our road. It's bumpy as hell, and not comfortable, but I believe, as I know the rest of you do, that there's a world down it that is worth the pain.

    I feel you @Damomad about the overwhelming feelings. I think we just keep on keeping on. One thing that I am believing in more and more is that the feelings (whatever they are) are ephemeral and will pass. As overwhelming as they can sometimes feel to me, with the days that have passed, I have experienced many such moments in which I feel overwhelmed, only to find myself later in the day having moved past it, and forgotten about the moment. It's possible. We just need to keep our feet marching and, I think, find constructive outlets for the rising tide of feelings we're all experiencing.

    I'm very proud to be among you, walking with you all toward our best selves.

    May 2020 bring each and every one of you the beauty you so profoundly deserve.
     
  2. @colio thanks for the update and glad to hear you are doing well! Keep up the good work, my friend.
     
    colio likes this.
  3. colio

    colio Fapstronaut

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    Just watched this video that surprised me - it was a work related thing that I was just watching to do business whatever, and then, the person on the video jogged left, took a pause and said, "you know, what I really want for myself, and I think for all of us, is to get past our biggest hurdle: reclaiming our self-worth. My 2020 is going to be about taking that back, and stepping into life as an adventure and not an obligation. Ok, bye!"

    What we're doing here, I think, really is all about reclaiming our self worth. It's possibly simplistic on the page, but as each of us knows, complicado in real life. But, for me, putting porn behind me is a step toward reclaiming my self-worth. There's a lot more for me to learn about what exactly that self-worth looks like and feels like, but I sure as hell know what its absence looks like and feels like.

    We're excellent, groovy people. Each of us. Let 2020 be our call to vision, and let us see ourselves for all we're worth. Later days, 2019, and later days, shame. Don't let the door slam you on the head on your way out.

    I'm really looking forward to a 2020 of adventure with you guys. Together we can all walk this thing forward. It's not about being perfect, in the slightest. It's about our gaining clarity into who we really can be, and are.
     
  4. colio

    colio Fapstronaut

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    You, too! Happy New Year StraightEdge!
     
    StraightEdge3616 likes this.
  5. Damomad

    Damomad Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, really happy to hear your story, the updates are a big help to me.

    The self worth is so true. I know if I feel worthy, I'll be able to look others in the eye, with a clear conscience and be straight with them. Not feeling like a fraud or a hypocrite. If I can have all that, then I'll build healthy relationships, can be a good brother/boyfriend/son/friend. Someone who can be trusted.

    As for the life being adventure, I've been reading a bit of Nietzsche today (in my reclusive state). He talks about how religion/oppression and the consequent guilt felt by people has destroyed the want to live adventurous lives. It resonates with me because I think if I would of had a frank discussion in my teens about masturbation and the normality of it, this wouldn't have snowballed into what it has become 15 years later, with the secrets and shame. Without it, maybe I would be having an adventurous relationship by now instead of the wasted years on P.

    That's in the past now though
     
  6. colio

    colio Fapstronaut

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    So, right on. I need to dig into Mr. Nietzsche. I've never actually read him (without worrying over what would be on the exam). I'm really proud of you. We're zigging and zagging, but such is growth I guess, and we're aiming forward. Plus, no one can accuse any of us of being dull. I do think that one day we'll be able to own all of this, and not give a toss what people make of our past behaviors. We'll be able to say, and know, that whatever their deal is is definitively "their deal." We're good, solid folk. Happy 2020 brother.
     
  7. Decided

    Decided Fapstronaut

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    I'd like to join this group.
    Goal is no PMO for 90 days.
     
    blahblah2930, Damomad and 12ove like this.
  8. 12ove

    12ove Fapstronaut

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    Just checking in before my long road trip home! Two days of driving can be meditative!
     
  9. colio

    colio Fapstronaut

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    Just checking in. At work alone (have to work over the weekend). I've been so sensitive lately. Working on breathing. Great weekends all around!
     
  10. Damomad

    Damomad Fapstronaut

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    I love driving, listening to full albums, podcasts or sometimes just the sound of the road.
     
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  11. Damomad

    Damomad Fapstronaut

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    I struggled to sleep last night. A million thoughts racing through my head with no masturbation to settle me. I’ll have to remember the breathing techniques tonight.

    And I’m still having the most vivid of dreams. I might have mentioned them before but usually there is some sort of sex scene but I’m able to walk away from it, it’s as if my consciousness kicks in just as it gets too intimate.

    Not sure what any of it means but my mind is doing funny things, possibly related to the detox.
     
  12. @colio reach out if you need me or any others for help!

    Checking in here...glad to have my wife off part of the weekend at least. It definitely helps!
     
    12ove likes this.
  13. Decided

    Decided Fapstronaut

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    Forgot to mention my age, 58.
     
  14. IveBetterThingsToDo

    IveBetterThingsToDo Fapstronaut

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    I would like to join your group. If the group is full then please put me on the wait list. I am a 62 yo male wanting to get 90 days (and then more) of no PMO. Thanks.
     
  15. Checking in here, everyone doing ok? This thread is so much quieter these days, lol.
     
    12ove likes this.
  16. Hey everyone checking in here. I’ve been lax about checking in but will be more vigilant. I had a relapse (which I previously mentioned) but now have a little time under my belt which is making me a little more comfortable. I hope everyone is staying strong:)
     
  17. 12ove

    12ove Fapstronaut

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    Checking in. Made it back home after the long road trip.

    Should be back on more often now that im home.

    The road brought more urges to scroll instagram and less to look at P.

    Where do you all stand on P subs? (Sorry if that was asked earlier)
     
    StraightEdge3616 likes this.
  18. Checking in day 16 - went on a holiday for 10 days, decided to get away from the internet as well so didn't manage to checkin since last year.

    Some of the thoughts are still popping up to rationalize why taking a peek would be a good idea, but I am aware and quickly shut down those thoughts before it gets out of hand. So far no close calls, feel good this round but I will not let my guard down.

    Also happy 2020 to everyone! let us achieve our goals this year!
     
    12ove, StraightEdge3616 and colio like this.
  19. Damomad

    Damomad Fapstronaut

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    what’s a p sub?
     

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