ACCOUNTABILITY GROUP FOR PEOPLE ABOVE 30 Y.O

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by control your life, Nov 11, 2019.

  1. Richy1402

    Richy1402 Fapstronaut

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    Hey everyone. Tomorrow will be my first double digit day (10) no PMO. I'm proud of that. I'm starting to see now that what I've read is true. It's not just about stopping this bad habit. It's also about 2) Learning to understand what you needed to escape from and 2) Replacing it with healthier life changes and habits.

    I've always felt quite lonely. It's been so long that I don't know if the PMO caused the loneliness or the loneliness created the PMO. but either way, i've instilled other habits in my life to make this a "life improvement journey" and not just a noFAP journey.

    It's Friday. Remember everyone. I don't know you, but as a brother I love you all, because we are all connected in a way that's deeper than we could ever imagine. Just by being here you are all my heroes and you all deserve happiness, love and to defeat this bad habit. This is a brotherhood that I am glad and proud to be a part of. Happy Friday!!

    Richy
     
  2. Brahmacharya_UK

    Brahmacharya_UK Fapstronaut

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    @Richy1402 I'm with you 100% about the whole chicken & egg question of what causes what. Best not to think about it too much.
    And yes, this isn't just a "Just stop doing this one bad thing" program, it is a "replace that one bad thing with a helluva load of good things".
    Coming from a background of addiction in general I'm also finding the NA Green and Gold helpful which will help me understand some of my behaviour patterns.
    Have a great weekend!
     
  3. Brahmacharya_UK

    Brahmacharya_UK Fapstronaut

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    How's everyone's weekend going so far? Mine is going mostly ok, though watched a film that happened to include an attractive female actor and my addiction is being affected by it. I'm trying to be good and watch where my eyes go but they do seem to wander by themselves. I think it's best that I just get on here and be honest. I've not intentionally looked at anything though and that's my ongoing commitment. Peace, Instantiation / BrahmacharyaUK
     
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  4. Arbiter007

    Arbiter007 Fapstronaut

    Found a relapse prevention video explaining the various stages of relapse. Hopefully this will be helpful here:


    Also, kinda struggling this morning. I was able to talk with someone who I live with and trust to get support and prayer. That helped.

    I feel like I am or was in the emotional relapse phase (in the video).
     
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  5. Arbiter007

    Arbiter007 Fapstronaut

    Yeah, it is good to be on here I feel like. Opening up and being honest together I think helps a lot.

    I have kinda a slight headache, but it was worse earlier this morning. I am sorry that you watched a film that was kinda triggering. I have had thoughts of attractive women also. And, when I went searching for push-up burnout information I had to catch myself looking at pretty girl pictures, even though I didn't start out in Google images. I went into looking at that a little.
     
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  6. Much Ado About Nutting

    Much Ado About Nutting Fapstronaut

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    Hello people,

    So far today good habits, but not feeling the most optimistic or positive. Also, I'm questioning my retention goal... so I want to check in. Overall I'm not thinking about porn and I feel a safe distance from porn. But I'm already thinking about MO because so far that has worked to keep me away from porn. The problem is I would really like to enjoy the benefits of retention, gain that discipline, and reach 90 days retention. The way I look at it if I can go retention now I'll build even greater discipline and be even safer from porn.

    About a week ago or so I thought about watching porn for the first time in months... and that scared me. So going monk mode is kinda a strategy to stay safe during this whole covid virus shut down.

    Maybe I'm just having a bad day today. And also, retention is difficult... I'm just seeing how difficult it is. If I want mastery and control I'll have to deal with days like these. I've been 30 days retention several times, but ultimately I never make it to 90 days. Plus, part of the appeal of retention is putting all that energy into meeting a girl... which is kinda impossible now.

    Anyway, let's stay with good habits and away from porn. Check in later. Glad to be a part of this group and thread
     
  7. 12ove

    12ove Fapstronaut

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    last night closes another book. Starting again, lets do this! Hard mode is kind of dominating me..I am going to try and get it back this time.
     
  8. Arbiter007

    Arbiter007 Fapstronaut

    I also fell today. :(
     
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  9. Hombre

    Hombre Fapstronaut

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    Hey @12ove thanks for your words.
    I am not sure, but I think I don't have wet dreams... I mean, I have had sexual dreams with some body fluids, but not as an ejaculation, and this tends to happen, in my experience, after a long time without sex or masturbation (for me, at least more than 2 weeks). On the other hand, I also have sexual dreams without any fluids (this is are not that common for me, but is more frequent than the firsts ones).

    Also, I could classify my sexual dreams in the ones with content related to porn and the ones with sexual content not related to porn. The first ones are less common, and they happen the night after watching porn. I think this dreams are not a good indicator. The second kind of dream tends to happen after a long time without sex/masturbation. I think these are normal and it's ok to have them.

    About the fact that the body can ejaculate while dreaming, I just see it as a body reaction. I wouldn´t consider it as a relapse, I would rather judge my progress based on the content of the dreams.

    That's what I can say based on my experience, I hope it is useful in some way.

    good vibes
     
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  10. Hombre

    Hombre Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for sharing! nice video.

    I went from emotional to physical relapse this week. After my relapse on April 11 (8 days ago) I had struggle a lot and relapsed some times with and without porn over the week... At the end I didn't even care about my commitment against this addiction, I just wanted the cravings to stop, which has gotten worst over time. So Yesterday I told myself "I am just going to masturbate until this craving vanishes", but today is even worst haha... So I am renovating my intentions again today, trying to order my life again.
     
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  11. Much Ado About Nutting

    Much Ado About Nutting Fapstronaut

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    Hello people, update on where I'm at.

    I'm still no porn and feel strong with that. I did MO yesterday without porn. I do feel a little let down because I like the idea of making 90 days monk mode... but I need to get more motivated. Here's a more comprehensive analysis of where I'm at and why going monk mode is difficult:

    1. I'm fortunate that I've separated sexual pleasure and MO from porn. Every time I MO I'm actually glad I don't watch porn, and feel much better thinking about a girl I already had sex with or like. So that's really good... I remember how horrible I would feel after watching porn and if I MO now I don't really feel bad like I did when I was watching porn. Fortunately, over the last 5 or so months I basically never think about porn, although now with being home a lot and bored with the corona virus I think there is much more risk.

    2. What I haven't done is separate MO from emotional states/reactions. What I mean is that if I feel down, or if I'm having a bad day I tend to turn to MO for comfort. Now I don't think this is totally bad, everybody is human and ultimate I do think MO is a healthy part of sexuality... it's just I also notice this as a weakness. Recently I had a goal for 90 days monk mode, I had a bad day and was feeling down, so I MO. This is why I felt let down... not because it's bad, but because i decided to drop my goal. The problem is that I don't have a total ability to sit through uncomfortable feelings yet, and I don't have monk mode level mastery.

    3. Ultimately, it's not a total failure. The only failure for me is jerking off to porn. If I make it through this coronavirus quarantine by occassionally doing MO then that is actually a win, not optimal, but still winning. Part of me thought just MO and get it over with. And for a lot of guys watching porn still that is a decent strategy as a last resort. Fortunately I can MO and enjoy the experience without porn.

    4. I have to say that there are definitely benefits to monk mode, and MO after about a week let me feel a drop in those. Yesterday I MO, today I felt less energized. I've been taking cold showers for a week, and today that was more difficult. I didn't feel as mentally or physically strong. I also didn't have the same energy. With the quarantine everything has been a little tougher... and I feel less motivated in general... so now would be a good time to have the monk mode benefits.

    5. Monk mode isn't the end goal. My end goal is to have a good sex life with O. I think MO can also be a part of a healthy sex life. But, I also think limiting O is very valuable. It's valuable for the retention benefits, and it's also valuable because I can direct all my sexual energy toward a partner. That requires a good amount of discipline. Monk mode can help me build that discipline. Limited O is way better than O everyday... porn basically is an O everyday type of thing. A good sex life for me would be probably to O with a partner 2-6 times a month and also enjoy sex without O. Have discipline and retention, but also have pleasure as well.

    6. Monk mode is difficult. Even having some distance between me and the last time I watched porn, monk mode is hard to accomplish. It's hard to stay that motivated and to fight off urges. Especially when the consequences aren't that bad. What I mean is that if I were to relapse t porn I would feel like total shit, If I MO after retaining 7 days I feel a dip in energy but I don't feel that bad. So If I want to get to 90 days monk mode... something I've never done I need to be more serious and be more motivated. Above all I need to stick with it even when I'm having a bad day and even when I don't feel like it.

    7. I think people call it the chaser effect.... when you O one day and have a strong urge to O the next. Today I'm good, gonna go to bed and not O today. So I can start a new streak I guess. This is also a skill I want and discipline I want. If I O, I don't want to O like 5 days in a row. My endgame is to have a good sex life with a girl that includes sex without O and limiting O to several times a month. So enjoy the benefits of retention and O.

    8. This whole journey is a huge challenge that requires discipline and mastery. I never thought it would be so difficult. The first time I gave up porn in 2015 I went 9 months no porn on my first try. It felt easy. Between October 2015 and July of last year I never made it to 3 months I don't think. It was so difficult and humbling. The first time I gave it up I had FREEDOM from it, and it felt good. I fixed my dating life and had a great sex life. I had so much self esteem and confidence. It was so tough to struggle... now I feel FREEDOM again from porn. But I still haven't mastered monk mode, and I still feel emotionally dependent on MO instead of being able to sit with my feelings and face how I feel. In some ways trying to go monk mode is a similar challenge to trying to give up porn... the urge is there and it's easy to give in.

    9. I want to do this! I want the 90 day mastery. That discipline and self awareness. The longest i've been is like 67 days I think. I want to be able to say I can do it. Help me get there. Gonna stay accountable here. After the 90 days, I can MO if I want, I can date if I want... but I want to find a way to do this!

    So that's a good introuduction to where I'm at
     
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  12. Much Ado About Nutting

    Much Ado About Nutting Fapstronaut

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    That's okay bud. Stick with this and keep trying. I'm still no porn, but I MO yesterday and lost my monk mode streak. So let's move forward
     
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  13. Much Ado About Nutting

    Much Ado About Nutting Fapstronaut

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    Do whatever it takes to stay away from porn. I tried hard mode many times and failed. This time I'm almost at 9 months no porn and back in July I went hard mode for about 2 weeks, then I had an old girlfriend stay with me for about 2 months and I had sex with her... after that I've been limited MO no porn (usually 1-2 times per week). If Hard mode works then good, if not if you can just MO and get it over with without porn then that is a good option also (but I know it's hard to separate MO from porn at first), and if you can get a girl that could really help. Personally, I enjoy sex way more than porn, but it's not always easy to find a girlfriend. The girlfriend thing really helped me a lot this time though.
     
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  14. 12ove

    12ove Fapstronaut

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    Will do my goal right now is to make it through the end of the month. Right now I am trying to always stay busy. Playing a lot of poker, which is another vice of sorts but at least it is an improvement from P
     
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  15. Brahmacharya_UK

    Brahmacharya_UK Fapstronaut

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    This time last week, I misused my boundless sexual energy in p.m.o. Today is going to be different. I cannot claim that today is going to be completely free from bad habits, but what I can say is that it will be free from Porn.

    Yesterday I had to very strongly resist the urge and my disease was on me strongly.

    I had a long chat with another addict who is also struggling, and I tried to help them as much as I could. This helped me.

    One of the things we talked about was how, that if you spend this amount of time working on this, posting about it and processing it, it adds so much weight to your recovery.

    I cannot imagine, right now at least, in carrying out this negative act, because it would totally invalidate all this action. And that would be a darn shame.

    I am looking to clean myself up in other ways, like drinking pure/filtered water instead of tap, also, reducing the amount of caffeine and prescription drugs I take.

    I think this, the Nofap is such a powerful basis for recovery though. It deals with that the most powerful of human urges, and that which can be transformed into real change.

    I've got such a long way to go, and I sure ain't fixed yet (Still pretty broken in a lot of ways), but know that with the help of my self will and this community I can and will beat this addiction and find more constructive ways to express my own wants and needs.
     
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  16. dont worry friend ! you got this ! we will make it through
     
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  17. Brahmacharya_UK

    Brahmacharya_UK Fapstronaut

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    @Arbiter007 sorry to hear that my friend. I'm certain that you will emerge from this stronger and with an increased understanding of why you fell. You will be truly tested by the urges to fap.

    Today I was doing some nurse training and the other trainee was one of the most beautiful women I have seen. Young, Blonde Hair, Blue Eyes and softly spoken. In my mind I was like "wow".

    Had I been giving into my urges til now, I would have been very withdrawn and perhaps even resentful to her for what she REPRESENTED and ASSOCIATED WITH in my twisted and P-addled cortex.

    But instead I was actually able to make some small talk with her, she seemed nice.

    But I was definitely tested today, and before I would use that encounter as an excuse to FAP when I got back (Not necessary ) but today I am so focused on my ultimate aim to rid myself of this negative impulse.

    That said, I want people here to HOLD ME TO ACCOUNT. If anyone can relate to my journey then please feel free to contact me privately. I'm also on Telegram messenger.

    I'm going to start a reboot journal as well. I want to be able to look back at my progress in the months to come, and see my burgeoning progress over time.

    Also I REFUSE to be complacent at any point in time. Complacency breeds relapse. I'm going to keep on keeping on and doing what I need to do.

    Ultimately, me, you and EVERY HUMAN BEING has a GOD-GIVEN RIGHT to be SUCCESSFUL and HAPPY, I hope that those of us who are hearing the NoFap message can use it to make the changes they need to their lives and I hope I can be some part in that recovery for them also.

    Peace,
    Brahmacharya UK
     
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  18. im’possible

    im’possible Fapstronaut

    Checking, just finished. It's an awesome experience. I'll share the covered content gradually to make sure I understand the keys.

    Today's key word was connection, an ultimate approach for any addiction. Reconnecting to the community is one of the crutial steps in recovery. I can start something small. If trusting others is the issue, find some one I can feel SAFE to open up my story. Journalling is another way for doing that. But nothing is better than human connection.
     
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  19. Brahmacharya_UK

    Brahmacharya_UK Fapstronaut

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    Hi @im’possible - I'm really impressed with the "Be the Elite" Thread and it absolutely 100% makes sense to me. Especially the (ahem) "Hell Mode".

    I hear the message of that thread loud and clear - ESPECIALLY the part about when you count yourself as relapsed when you just WASTE THE DAY. It's all about "MAKE THE DAYS COUNT" as someone's tagline is on here.

    Thank you for sharing this.

    Brahmacharya UK

    PS I missed the webinar due to being GMT / BST here so it was at 1am, is there a rerecord of it anywhere?
     
  20. im’possible

    im’possible Fapstronaut

    Hey brather, thanks for the words. That's the spirit. I'm doing "hail" mode though. When get use to it, anything is possible.

    No worry, when the recording arrives I'll post it here, if @control your life liked this post. I'll share my memo constantly. What he did great was that he packed 50 courses into an hour. So rich content here.

    Next month he'll do another on family issues. You can just register it even if you missed, you get the recording anyway. I might announce it here when that comes.
     
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