My husband crossed a boundary. He removed his accountability software without my consent. He told me a day beforehand, as part of what I believed was an off-the-cuff threat for me to discontinue a unique new friendship. That's it in a nutshell. Longer explanation of my unique friendship: Recently met a kid through playing words with friends. He started chatting with me and after learning a bit about his issues with mild autism, isolation (emotional neglect from family), I took an interest in helping him sort out some of his issues and basically just hearing him out because this was an obvious cry for help. So now I check on him and try to encourage him as he is often bullied, dealing with a recently incarcerated father and nightmares stemming from trauma of his own family isolating him and pranking him in an extreme way. I'm encouraging him to reach out more to his mom. The kid is 16, in special education classes, feels like he is a broken version of his twin and is afraid to be alone. My nephew is showing signs of autism and my daughters are twins so there are many reasons I'm interested in what he's going through-- aside from the fact that he seems to be a respectable kid. And he wanted help figuring out what emoticons mean. So I've included my husband in some of the issues this kid is going through. My husband is a counselor and has even led groups of kids that sound exactly like my new friend. I thought this mentoring would be a positive situation that would even maybe lend itself to more bonding with my husband as he can give expertise on the matter. However apparently it makes him uncomfortable. I think he's projecting his own history of online filth onto my virtual mentoring. (He used to scour chatrooms, pretending to be a woman, to solicit sexual encounter/cybering from random girls/women.) He even had the audacity to accuse me of having an emotional affair with this kid. Preposterous. My interest in the situation comes only from that of a mother and yields no romantic interest what so ever. I haven't tried to hide anything from him about it, and likewise I've made it clear to the kid that I'm married and that some things the kid HAS to talk to his own mother about as it is not my place. I've actually been somewhat disappointed with how annoyed my husband is about me approaching him for his therapeutic expertise about some of the matters. And, it is relevant to mention that my husband has in recent months had his own pity party about how he can be friends with WHOEVER (women coworkers, specifically) he wants. He has predominately female friends and even sometimes hangs out with all of them (no other men) without me. So... if we are talking weirdness, and uncofmortability-- especially given his past-- there seems to be some hypocrisy here. My belief is that my husband removed the software as a malicious tactic to piss me off-- or figured out that maybe he could use this situation as opportunity/excuse to weasel his way out of it. We have had conversations about removing the software but I clearly told him that I would like to begin counseling first. Part of me thinks it is naive to not have accountability software since my husband has a record for hiding things relentlessly unless he is found out. Side note: he has also been constantly creeping on craigslist community to see stuff like weird "ride naked" rideshare opportunities, and other listings quite sexual in nature. So I know his tendency is still lurking to some extent. Back to the counseling. I have not begun because we were between insurance since he started a new job. So now I guess I need to figure that out. But I really need to figure out how to respond to this situation. Today I tried to divert my attention to tasks at hand and auto-pilot through the family time at a museum. So the day wasn't bad, but I can't compartmentalize forever. I feel like he was trying to be more accommodating than usual. Of course this is common when he feels guilty. And I am not happy at all about this. I listened to a book about codependency. My take away is that I may need to disconnect. As of now there is nothing tangible to suggest that my husband is actually acting in to recovery. No groups, no steps, no accountability software. I will say that his overall behavior and demeanor is much better lately (aside from removing software) than it had been in many of the years prior to finding out about the addiction. So he has improved. But I'm concerned that nothing is keeping him from falling off the wagon now. Fool me once, same on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. So I'm back to feeling numb. I really have no interest in spending time with him now. Ideas on how to respond are welcome.