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Addicted for life.

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by CLAW66, Aug 10, 2016.

  1. CLAW66

    CLAW66 Fapstronaut
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    Good work on taking a stand and making the preparations. We are here to support each other. Long road ahead.
     
  2. CABeachGuy

    CABeachGuy Fapstronaut

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    Thanks claw. 2 days now. Keeping very busy but feeling good about vision of future. Weird how certain times are harder than others due to habits, being tired or just feeling that 'I deserve a reward' need. Keeping focused though. Going to make the 90. Will be a first in decades....
     
  3. CLAW66

    CLAW66 Fapstronaut
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    I'm trying to go 66. That would be monumental for me. I feel like I've been a prisoner of a bad dream; a forty year one. I have a hard time wrapping my mind around it.
     
  4. darkenedverse

    darkenedverse Fapstronaut

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    I experience the same thing as I continue my challenges. Right now, it's mornings that are the challenge. (I get up real early!) I'm good for the rest of the day, for the most part, because my mind is so busy doing other things. I expected it, though, from my 15-day challenge.

    Each challenge or milestone I learn something new about myself. I then use that information to become even smarter for the next challenge. As I always say, NoFap isn't something that you just stop. You have to slowly peel back layers of habits, emotions, and thoughts as you develop a new life.
     
    CLAW66 likes this.
  5. CABeachGuy

    CABeachGuy Fapstronaut

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    I hear you. Unclouded perspective. Been very busy last 3 days to the point of being a bit hyped up. Having one of those moments when stress relief sure would be nice, but decided logging in to group for accountability and reminder of commitment is the thing to do. Glad I did.
     
    darkenedverse likes this.
  6. CLAW66

    CLAW66 Fapstronaut
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    I thought a little bit about my life last night. Living under the cloud of porn addiction has been compared to living as the undead. Like a zombie or vampire. Always living to feed on porn. Existing in a fog as it were. Never able to experience life and the full joy and emotion it can bring. In a sense, living numb to all external pains and joys.Living for a perverted pleasure. What do I know about anything else. My eyes need to by opened.
     
  7. darkenedverse

    darkenedverse Fapstronaut

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    You're gaining an incredible amount of insight and awareness. You just need some time to grow into that. Persist with your climb to awesomeness.
     
    CLAW66 likes this.
  8. CABeachGuy

    CABeachGuy Fapstronaut

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    Wow! Great words... Logging in as I'm in a Saturday lull... Decided I needed to check in. Glad I did. Just seeing the counter did it and especially reading this. If I reset tomorrow, then push the rock... but hard as past that coupla days proud stage, it's worth it. Curtain starts lifting and you go from unconciously unaware to consciously aware of things from a different perspective. After many years. Bells that can't be unrung. I see that already. Keep going all... hasta manana....
     
    darkenedverse likes this.
  9. CLAW66

    CLAW66 Fapstronaut
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    Nofap is not good for porn. Part of me is glad and part of me is sad. I really felt like giving in and then I open up Nofap and see everyone with there stories. A legion of people like myself facing the reality of porn and fighting to break the chains. Then I read the panic button contents and see encouraging words. This tends to divert the urge at lease temporarily. The part of me that is sad really wants to escape and get off. It's just not that simple now.
     
  10. darkenedverse

    darkenedverse Fapstronaut

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    First of all, congratulations on your progress! You are getting close to your personal best if I recall correctly. I can personally attest to the confusing mindset that happens when you're on a NoFpa challenge. It was the reason I relapsed. A part of me wanted to be strong and continue. Another part of me just wanted a break. I was tired, blindsided by an unexpected change and started on the downward spiral.

    Knowing that I put up a fight was encouraging. (Before all of this, I would have given in already.) Knowing that I lost the fight was discouraging. Knowing that my mind immediately wanted to go back on the challenge was comforting.
     
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  11. CLAW66

    CLAW66 Fapstronaut
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    I had to reset this morning. It will be the 5th time since being on Nofap. I fought harder then ever last night. I thought I had overcome at one point but then an hour later my pmo enemy would not be denied. Bottom line, I gave up. Down but never out. My best streak on Nofap is 13. I tied it. I decided a different strategy. I must separate PMO and MO goals. PMO is not an option for compromise. It must cease. I will fight MO with small ever increasing goals. I'm not sure I can ever fully give up MO as I don't have another sexual outlet. Thanks for your continued support. Here we go....
     
    darkenedverse likes this.
  12. darkenedverse

    darkenedverse Fapstronaut

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    Keep going! If you notice, your confidence and ability to keep fighting is growing. You are also learning each time you get up. I can see the knowledge in your post.

    By the way, I came so close to messing up. I've got so much going that I wanted that quick dopamine release. I won today, but I know from my last relapse that I need to pay extra attention right now. I have long-term goals, but for right now, I'm focusing on the 13-day challenge (which is your personal best, I believe!). From there, I'll reattempt to 30 day challenge.
     
    CLAW66 likes this.
  13. CLAW66

    CLAW66 Fapstronaut
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    Yes, I will keep going. I'ts taken me too long to get here to give up. With your support and others I actually have an incentive and hope. Let's see if we can change the course of history for ourselves.
     
  14. darkenedverse

    darkenedverse Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your words. I needed to hear them today because I relapsed.....again.
     
  15. CLAW66

    CLAW66 Fapstronaut
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    If I know you you will be back at it putting together another streak. I saw you do 15 days not long ago. For me focusing on the streak can help. Resetting hurts but giving up is worse.
     
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  16. darkenedverse

    darkenedverse Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for the confidence. I appreciate that. Focusing on the streak has help.
     
  17. CLAW66

    CLAW66 Fapstronaut
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    This will be a long haul.....urges can be so inconsistent. They come after long intervals and sometime short. Somehow my goal has to dominate.
     
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  18. darkenedverse

    darkenedverse Fapstronaut

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    You are so right about that. I wish I had known this wisdom earlier. I thought after conquering the 15-day challenge, it would all be smooth sailing.

    Thank you for sharing this.
     
  19. CLAW66

    CLAW66 Fapstronaut
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    “I need to be alone. I need to ponder my shame and my despair in seclusion; I need the sunshine and the paving stones of the streets without companions, without conversation, face to face with myself, with only the music of my heart for company.”
    Henry Miller, Tropic of Cancer
     
  20. CLAW66

    CLAW66 Fapstronaut
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    Day 2 complete. This reminds me of a man looking out to sea and waiting for the storm to roll in. Or perhaps someone on a ship in calm weather knowing the the stormy seas are on the way. I feel somehow humbled in this. I cannot boast in myself but must look to someone outside myself. I also must learn to hope....
     

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