Addicted to BL *possibly triggering text*

I started reading these kinds of manga when I was 15, I was attracted to a boy my age, he was short and feminine, after ogling him for months I realized I couldn't just f*ck him so I started reading those types of manga. I've just realized I like BL because it provides me emotional support, same reason I read shoujo, there's no one in the world who will love you as hard as a fictional character, quarantine's made me go back to that stuff because I'm away from my family, living only with my grandma, in the Thai countryside.
I've never had a girlfriend, or a crush, or anything, just BL and shoujo.
The most resonable answer is getting a girlfriend, that's my main priority right now, but I've also joined an acountability group in my town, anyone who's going through a similar situation?

 

I don't feel attracted to men, but I do feel attracted to the "trap who loves you" trope