Hello, Let me introduce myself, im a elderly man with a wonderful partner and a grandchild and a wonderful supportive family, and for the most part im happy but here is my shame that my partner has endured for many many years, I have tried to give up going to these cam chat sites and each time I do I relapse, but this time is far worse my partner has had enough, she has pushed me away and wants no more of my terrible shameful behaviour. I am terrified of my future life without her and this time and i said it many times before I will do everything possible to give up. If I dont succeed then im finished completely destroyed by something that started near 8 years ago. Before that it was porn it has wrecked my relationships. She doesn't trust me anymore but I know that this time I will do everything with my will power to stop. Why? because I cannot live without her I cannot face this shame with my family that does not know about this. I will take cold showers do anything to distract my thoughts start going to church and pray for forgiveness, I am free only 3 days and im still in shock of losing her, I have told her that the last times I stopped and relapsed I did it for her, I guess I believed that it wasn't wrong, but this time Im doing it for me, I have been almost suicidal over the last few days my thoughts are in a very dark place of shame guilt and remorse. I need show her that my effort this time is real and somehow be transparent so that she can at least see the real progress I will make. I have a wedding coming and I will be asked to speak, I need to have this out of my life or I will not be able to face anyone at the wedding. If anyone has any comments I welcome them all dont hold back good and bad comments, I put myself in this place and situation and its upto me to get myself out of this, and I cant imagine how much pain my partner feels it breaks my heart just to think about this.