Addicted to camgirls, ruined my life at 21.

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by ihateeveryone, Nov 3, 2019.

  1. ihateeveryone

    ihateeveryone New Fapstronaut

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    I have a very addictive personality and have struggled with alcohol and drug addiction.

    When I was younger I would always get made fun of because of the way I look, and because I was autistic. I am very traumatized because of this, and I always view my self as some animal that does not fit into superficial human society.

    When I was 18, I finally went clubbing with some friends. I tried to talk to women and was rejected horribly. Eventually a friend of mine took me a stripclub... big mistake.

    I was addicted to the attention of going to stripclubs. I finally felt what It was like to be wanted by women, even though it was all fake.

    I barely went to stripclubs after that, but got really into internet porn, paying to talk with porn stars. Eventually I got curious about findom and was paying women to abuse me. I was already addicted to femdom.

    I met a friend, lets call him Tom, I groomed this kid into an addict. He fell in love with a mutual friend of ours lets call her Susan and she rejected all his advances, and went out with a mutual friend we both knew. This was a social circle we were in.

    I tried to keep my drug addiction and porn addiction out of my real life. Anyway my friend was so fucked up over seeing the girl he loved with a friend of his everyday that he turned to alcoholism. I could always out drink him though. One day I got him drunk and took him to a stripclub and got him addicted to the validation of strippers. Whenever he was feeling down I would come round and get him drunk on straight vodka, I told him that my card wasn't working and got him to pay for EVERYTHING for both of us, all the lapdances all the alcohol, I basically scammed him out of so much money always tell him I was going to pay him back, he was spending around £400 - £1,000 a week on stripper addiction for me and him. I have payed him back a bit of it, and offered to give him money if he ever needs any just let me know.

    Anyway, we did LSD together and he quickly ditched me after that trip, I guess he realized how fucked everything was.

    I would go to stripclubs my self and would spend money, but I would loath everyone working there. I eventually got banned from a stripclub because I complained to the manager that all the girls were ugly and I was scammed out the entry fee that night, I threatened to stab the bouncer. I went to another one and the same shit happened, I was banned for basically abusing all the women and the staff.

    I got sober, and was losing weight rapidly I felt much more confident but unfortunately women still weren't interested, I got back into findom and being abused for being a loser no women would want.

    I then got into cam sites at first because of findom actors, but they were so boring when I sent them money. I sent money to some vanilla ones and quickly realized that lots of women on camsites are from Third World countries, unless its a big American star that has thousands, sometimes over 10k views at once. The third world girls would not get as many viewers as the Americans, sometimes only 5-20 viewers online at once and if they were working in a studio they would do ANYTHING for money. The ones working from home won't... go figure.

    I got into making them do sex acts but after a while I became so numb to the sex and just wanted to push it as far as I could go. Fueled by my hatred as I had been exploited by strippers and findoms I began abusing the women, making them choke themselves with belts on camera, making them punch themselves in the face whilst begging for money, making them choke on dildos on camera.

    Anyway because of this I have become really fucked up person, I am failing at university and I'm on my final year with really shitty grades so far. I can't even view women as human anymore, I just view them as sex objects.
     
  2. TheLightOne

    TheLightOne Fapstronaut

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    You worrying too much about women, hence aaaalll of your problems mate.
    Buy yourself clothes, make yourself interesting, build masculine, make u a man that women want, they'll come automatically. Find strength to make your character.
     
    Rehab101, FX-05 and ihateeveryone like this.
  3. Ronila

    Ronila Fapstronaut

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    So where to from here?
     
  4. ihateeveryone

    ihateeveryone New Fapstronaut

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    I deleted all my accounts, I'm visiting a therapist soon. I'm not sure what else to do.
     
    FX-05 likes this.
  5. Asgardian36

    Asgardian36 Fapstronaut

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    bro I get it you are addicted and you were humiliated....but you scammed your friend why? Don't call yourself his friend for fuck sake.
     
  6. SuperPowers

    SuperPowers Fapstronaut

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    I'm sorry to hear this.

    You're not an animal, I'm spiritual, I believe everything happens for a reason, that you got given a difficulty to make you stronger. Pain and struggle is a necessary part of growth and a necessary part of this life and your journey was what was necessary for you, that's just what I believe, you don't have to take it on.

    But you're human, and equal, you are not your body, you are spirit, you're not the voice in your head, you're thoughts or personality, I'll keep this breif. Meditate and you will see, you, we, are merely the consciousness, the person aware of the thoughts, not the thoughts themselves, not the body or even the emotions.

    I say fuck what people think. Raise above that. Know you're real spiritual nature.

    Listen, kids can be cruel, but let me guess, nobody makes fun of you no more, exactly, and guess what, I got picked on a bit and had a bully in high school as well, and I didn't look different, so what does that tell you? It tells me you taken in too personal, and okay maybe they did make fun of your appearance but this is a call for you to find your true spiritual nature and not identify with the reflection in the mirror because that is not you.

    I think you done some bad things and I think the strippers and cam girls and porn gave you some ego, we all have it but I'm trying to remove mine. But that's behind you now.

    PM me if you ever want to talk any time, I had drug addiction myself.

    And have you thought about another girl with Autism? Why not? And don't take this the wrong way but it may be you, not your looks so much. Just saying. Judging by your behavior you have some work to do on yourself, but you'll get there if you want to improve yourself, its just going to take some time. Hating people is not helping you because the energy you have within you is what people feel. When that changes how people respond to you will change. Believe me, looks matter a lot less than you think, particularly with women. Its an attitude and outlook change you need, not a face lift. You're Autistic, accept it because if you don't, you will suffer my friend. Accept how you look as well. When you accept yourself, other people will accept you. If you wanna get something out of what I'm tell you read this 2-3 times or better come back next week and a week later so it sticks with you otherwise it may be in one ear and out the other and I take pleasure in helping people.

    Well done bro! Make an appointment.

    I'm not excusing his behavior but he was using drugs. Maybe it was in him as well but he was using drugs, still not an excuse to do any of that, he's done some bad things but hurt people want to hurt people, that's what my psychologist told me. Oh, and its just come to me now, he has Autism so that explains it. Autism + drugs, that's why.
     
    Asgardian36 likes this.
  7. Ronila

    Ronila Fapstronaut

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    Read, as much as you can.
    Start with 12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson

    And help your friend, make sure he is on his feet.
     
    Last edited: Nov 4, 2019
  8. ihateeveryone

    ihateeveryone New Fapstronaut

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    My friend is doing ok.

    I asked him If I still owe him money, he said he is fine...

    I did wank off this morning over a domantirix abusing slaves but didn't spend any money so that's a plus

    Therapist was just a quick introduction, said first session is Saturday. Really looking forward to invest in myself.
     
  9. ihateeveryone

    ihateeveryone New Fapstronaut

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    Every single addict because a criminal when money is involved. I'm really lucky I'm not in prison.
     
    Asgardian36 likes this.
  10. Asgardian36

    Asgardian36 Fapstronaut

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    i understand now, man! I hope you have better friends who are not using and who can encourage you to do better! Godspeed! I'm sorry if I made you feel bad with my previous comment. Take care
     

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