Addicted to chaturbate and Snapchat sexting

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by RandomUsername123, Dec 22, 2019.

  1. Jake n Bake

    Jake n Bake Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for this discussion.
     
  2. Bogor

    Bogor Fapstronaut

    Perhaps you should consider cutting down on the booze? From what I've gathered, your brain seems to associate getting drunk with "happy time".

    Every one of your relapse posts has something to do with drinking.
     
  3. Hello my friend!

    I have the same problem as you. I'm very addicted to this kind of stuff. In fact, I've spent 3-4 hours today looking for someone to cum. Wasted so much time and, of course, didn't find the person. I want to share my theory why this behaviour is so addictive. My reply won't have any tips or tricks how to avoid sexting in the future for I know none of them, but I think that understanding the reasons behind the habit is very important.

    So, I'm going to tell you a story about this experiment scientist did with monkeys. I read about it in a book called The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. It's a very good book and I advise you to read it, but in order to go straight to the point, let me retell this experiment. The thing those scientists did is that they managed to track dopamine levels in the monkey's brain when it was performing the following activity: when there was a certain figure on the screen, monkey should have pull the leaver. When it completed the task correctly (i.e. pulled the leaver when there was the right figure on the screen), it was awarded with some juice. It got addicted to pulling the leaver quite soon. But what's more important for us is the next stage of an experiment. Scientists changed the experiment a little bit. They got the same monkey, but it wasn't always rewarded with juice. Sometimes, even when it completed the task correctly, she wasn't rewarded with juice. You may think that there were less chances that the second monkey should have become addicted to this game. Turned out, it was even easier for her to become addicted.

    How come? The answer is that monkey's brain (as well as ours) actually develop more dopamine anticipating the reward rather that getting it. Which means that the more you anticipate it, the more you addicted you become. Monkey that didn't always get the juice became addicted sooner and stronger. This is exactly the reason why people get addicted to the playing casino: they almost never win, but how they want to!

    What I'm trying to say is this: the thing we get addicted to doesn't even have to be good. It's important for us to crave it, but getting actual reward every time we do the necessary activity is not important. Me and you search for someone to exchange nudes, we want it do badly, but we don't get it as often. 1 time for every 1000 people us enough to remind us that the reward is still out there.

    I don't know whether this will help you. I think that understanding your habits is very important. Read the book I've mentioned. It helped me a lot with other habits.
     
  4. Tryinghardtoquit2

    Tryinghardtoquit2 Fapstronaut

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    Really good analogy thanks for sharing
     
  5. Jonnyb4

    Jonnyb4 Fapstronaut

    That does make a load of sense actually, and never thought about it like that. I used to spend hours n hours on a certain "random stranger chat site" flicking through countless dudes doing the same thing. But when you got a women on the other end, even a glimpse there was one online, it kept me circling round n round. When that women actually stopped n had some fun with you as well, wow. It seemed to make the 3 hours all worthwhile.... what a stupid way to spend a day eh!

    Might have to look up that book too. :)
     
  6. hubbawulf1234

    hubbawulf1234 Fapstronaut

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    Look for these cues. Especially the 1st 3 starting at internal frustration. Watch as the urges hit you and how you respond. In between each stage is a break in the cycle. Once you know the stages and how to identify them, you can look for the breaks in between.
     
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  7. RandomUsername123

    RandomUsername123 Fapstronaut

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    So what's the key to breaking the cycle though... I'm constantly fantasizing about sexual things, so does that mean I need to break it the step before ? I get frustrated even when I'm having regular sex, probably because the porn I watch is so heavily oral I guess. I mean if you watch chaturbate guys will literally be getting BJ's all day long, and perfect BJ's too not little if I have to ones! I guess it makes you crave that, and I've found that's rare to come by! Usually girls don't want to be doing that every night ha! So maybe if you need to have that release and you want to watch porn maybe changing the type of porn you watch could help make you less frustrated? I think we put our own sexual expectations upon ourselves and if you believe them you don't realise you don't have to live like that. There's times where I would need to get off once every day because I told myself if I never my frustration would build up too much. But I've been without doing that for a week before and been fine. It's definitely all in your head!
     
  8. Atlas Gherbe

    Atlas Gherbe Fapstronaut

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    I've been addicted to this shit for like 3-4 years and spend 4 hours everyday. This shit bring you back to watch chaturbate everytine, for me was look chaturbate every hour for find the perfect girl. What a shit. I will not look it again, but it been an hard thing to be free
     
  9. RandomUsername123

    RandomUsername123 Fapstronaut

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    I'm getting a little better. I flicked it on yesterday, saw this amazing girl, coloured hair, cute face, deepthroating with ease. And I managed to just tell myself what's the point, she's literally gonna be starting and stopping for the next two hours, it's not real every time the guy will get close they'll just stop to make it last longer. It's all just to get more tips, that's not how real sex is, there's no build up with emotion then a finish. So I just turned it off and put my tablet to the side. Small wins and I know it's not over and I'll probably log back into it some day soon but changing the mindset from thinking that they are real people just like us to they are performing might just help make it less attractive
     
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  10. hubbawulf1234

    hubbawulf1234 Fapstronaut

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    Here's what I understand of it:

    Pay attention and observe what is going on, then you can recognize what stage you are in. If you're in the fantasizing stage, recognize that you are and change your thoughts. Someone told me one time that if you feel our of control, find 1 thing that you can control and concentrate on that. So I drum my hands lol Anytime I feel out of control I say I can control my hands and I start drumming them on my knees.

    I believe it's not so much about being successful right now, it's about learning about yourself so you can know what triggers are there and what breaks work for you. Watch yourself. Watch your thoughts. Learn who you are and what weaknesses are there. Then fortify those weaknesses with what works for you.
     
  11. RandomUsername123

    RandomUsername123 Fapstronaut

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    The last month has been pretty good, I went probably 3 weeks without even thinking about it all. The urges were definitely stopping, the last time I did it I found it really hard to find girls Snapchat addresses to add so it wasnt really a thrill. Then I found an old sim card which I could use to sign up to pof. Which is where I used to get girls addresses from, they just post them on their profiles. My warped mind would think, if they post them on a dating site they must be keen for that kind of interaction! So I sign up, it's not as good as it used to be but there are some girls on their to add, I'm watching porn and sending flirty pics of my stomach hoping they would response with a teasing picture. Takes a while but one girl starts sending stuff with her cleavage and videos of her playing with herself. It's great but I can't even cum over it, always feels like the next video she sends might be better so hold off!!! She finishes and I don't cum and I keep messaging people. It's such a waste of a day, and this girl sends me a picture of herself. She says she's 21 but looks 19, I'm 10 years older and I just have a reflective thought of what am I doing here, I'm not even attracted to these people it's just the thrill of being naughty and wanting some positive attention. So I just block everyone, delete my account and rip up the sim card so I can't sign up to pof again meaning it's harder to find girls if I ever slip again. You know what I find weird as well, people message back if your sending them naughty stuff and but they don't block you, whereas if I try a different approach and send them clean pictures and start a nice conversation they are so quick to block you. So anyways back to my life, I've been talking in real life to this girl a lot at work who is really big on social media and we've been getting on really good, sitting around and she gets a Snapchat message and she's like eurgh, this guy always Snapchats me and I don't know who he is, never even open his messages half the time he's so so creepy, and I'm like oh thats bad. And I felt really weird, like ashamed probably. She's exactly the type of person that would probably put her Snapchat on a dating website, I would never want to send something like that to her. Maybe that's what my problem is, I haven't been thinking about these people I was messaging as real people. They are just girls I'll hopefully never meet in my life. So since then I've been off it again, just getting everything off my chest again. I feel like I'm getting better at avoiding the urges to be an idiot. One day at a time!!!
     
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  12. hubbawulf1234

    hubbawulf1234 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, I get it. That's what they mean when they say PMO removes the humanity from people. You don't see them as people. None of us do when we're in the thralls of it. We see people as things. Objects for our entertainment/pleasure.

    Interesting side not: thrall was a slave in Viking society.
     
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  13. RandomUsername123

    RandomUsername123 Fapstronaut

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    Me again...

    This bank holiday has been so so bad!!! I've just been in bed hours at a time just with a laptop with porn on it and a phone with Snapchat on it messaging girls. Even now I woke up a bit early and I'm thinking to myself I could quickly out chaturbate on for a bit.... Just need to break the cycle! It was so pointless too, was adding people from the quick adds on Snapchat and I would just say hi and ask them their age and everyone was way too young for me, Snapchat really should change the quick adds feature so it doesn't suggest people half your age! If I was into that kind of thing it would be way too easy to talk to strike up conversations. If anyone was around my age though I would start being suggestive, one day a girl starts playing with herself too, it's pretty good but she's not showing much which leaves me wanting more! Same the next day, she's sucking on her fingers and sticking her tongue out but won't show anymore, then she turns, stops talking and screenshots the conversation. It's so confusing, I feel like I've done something wrong now, but I asked if she wanted to beforehand and she said yes. I think some just take the mick to be honest, lead you on and then when your horny they were just interested but don't actually wanna do anything in return. It's very unsatisfying and leaves you feeling empty afterwards. I'm pretty sure they'll be telling their friends about it, probably taking a secret screen shot, which kinda worries me but I never show my cock and face so it's not like there would be super embarrassing pictures about but it's still worrying to think there might be naked pictures of me being shared about, I doubt I'd be recognisable from them. I just really hate it, the next day I always feel like I'm gonna be in some big trouble even though I always ask how old they are and if they want to see it, still feel like I've done something wrong, maybe I'm just ashamed of my actions.

    I just need to stop watching porn for a bit! I got this really disappointing hand job the other day and instead of feeling happy I got something I was left feeling frustrated I didn't get a sloppy deep blowjob. Just watching these girls give the most amazing head for hours on end makes me have unrealistic thoughts of what my sex life should be like. I'd be watching TV with a girl and I'd be thinking I really wish she would just start sucking me now, like this is a thing that people do, I'm sure some do but the majority of girls probably don't wanna just give head every waking second of their day. I'll be at work and I fantasize about girls as I'm talking to them. I literally got hard at my desk just thinking about kissing someone and having her lips on me.

    I just feel so turned on by anything right now, I still feel like I can control this though. I just need to have a few days without watching anything and some healthy human interaction. Maybe this lockdown has made things worse, in the house all the time it's easy just to go off to the bedroom and look at something on your phone for a second.

    Oh well, back to zero days and feeling anxious that my actions are going to ruin my life again. Maybe this time I won't start being a dick in a few days.
     
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  14. RandomUsername123

    RandomUsername123 Fapstronaut

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    Just can't stop thinking about sex lately !!! Woke up again after dreaming I was with two different girls... Having the urge to just go onto chaturbate and just see who's on! Luckily my cat has came up and have me a hug, impossible to do anything when a cat is looking at you ha. I really need to keep myself around people, even if I'm just sitting in the conservatory where I know people could be looking in. As soon as I hide myself away in the bedroom it's inevitable I'll start watching stuff. At least I haven't signed up to Snapchat again, I really need to put that behind me, it's not satisfying and everyone I end up talking to on it is much younger than me, I'm in my 30s, I shouldnt be trying to sext with a 20 year old, the thing is I don't even see them as people, half the time I don't even know what they look like, not interested in meeting up with them, it's just the quick self satisfaction being watched and someone lusting over you and saying they want you. It's so hard for me to understand why I do it when I'm not doing it. Honestly ranting about it all seems to help though, it doesn't even matter if nobody is reading and I'm probably just repeating myself. Right now I don't feel horny anymore and I'm more positive about the day ahead!
     
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  15. Tryinghardtoquit2

    Tryinghardtoquit2 Fapstronaut

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    Hi mate you sounds like where I about two years ago. I really struggled with SC and online chat stuff. I find chat to be more addictive as it is like gambling as well as porn. The gambling component though is this time instead of playing for money you are playing for willing players Fap with.

    To get a bit of clarity consider telling someone. Anyone. Not just an AP but a family member or your best friend that you battle with porn. You will find the hopelessness of addiction is lesser if you can engage.

    I wish you all the best mate
     
  16. LoveIsAllWeNeed

    LoveIsAllWeNeed Fapstronaut

    Hi @RandomUsername123, I can relate to your story. You're in a difficult situation where you don't want to be in and can't get out. For me, the key was my motivation. I'd done something extremely stupid, hurting the people I love most. This has made it very easy to stop with P which I'd done for >45 years including Chaturbate and much much more.

    So, you might try this. Every morning when you wake up, start with your motivation for stopping P. It must be something you're really passionate about like 'If I meet a girl who loves me and I love, I don't want my P addiction to be in the way' or 'I want to follow my passion and not let hours and hours of P get in the way.' After you have acknowledged your motivation, you close your eyes and feel what it's like when you achieve your goal. How good would that feel?

    Feeling is key. Every day remind yourself of what you're going for and see yourself achieving it and feel what it's like. You will gradually become a happier person, more powerful and you will realize your goals. Aligning yourself with your goals and feeling as if you have already achieved it is key to realizing them. Then P is not a problem anymore and even if you relapse you can just get back on your path to success again. Hope this helps.
     
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  17. ŽRT

    ŽRT Fapstronaut

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    Find a girlfriend, but the one which doesnt like porn ;)
    Is great help when you have someone beside you. I dont like therapists cuz they are worker, I prefer book and and a friend.
     
  18. RandomUsername123

    RandomUsername123 Fapstronaut

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    I've been okay the last week or so, it's strange that once you break the habit the addiction goes pretty fast. Little things like moving my tablet and laptop away from the bed help. I have been trying to motivate myself too, like right now I'm just in bed, a little hungover and it's easy for me to slip into an all day session. But I'm gonna get myself up and go for a run to start feeling more positive. I've been doing a lot of music stuff too in the house as well. It's nice to do that kinda stuff which improves yourself more.

    I can still access porn on my phone right now but I really don't mind getting off from time to time, it's the full day Snapchat sessions that I need to stop. I deleted my account again after chatting to the regular girl I was showing off too, she would watch but not send anything back. It's tempting just to make a new account up and add her back but I really can't repeat the cycle this time! I just have to remind myself it's not worth it, for every one girl like her there's a thousand that are just not into it, and finding girls my age on Snapchat is too much of a struggle. If I hammer in these thoughts to myself hopefully I can move past this.

    I tried talking to a girl who I was seeing before, my sex drive was bigger than hers and she would say how she wishes I just watched porn like normal guys, not knowing I was watching too much porn but still had a huge sex drive. I was saying how the way porn is gives me a view on sex that isn't realistic but she just wasn't taking me seriously.
     
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  19. pump20

    pump20 Fapstronaut

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    Turn it off. Turn it off. It got quiet did it.
     

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