Addicted to Dominatrix

That must be awful to deal with. I know I have a lot of issues from my childhood that I'm working out now, but they're nowhere near as extreme as your story. All I can offer is that through therapy, I've learned a LOT about myself, my issues, and how my mind works. A lot of my addiction comes from my father's actions, but not all of it. One of the things that helps me fight my addiction is thinking about being a contributor to my son having this (or any other) addiction when he grows up. To think about him one day coming to me, confronting me about acting out my addiction leading him to do the same kills me inside. Or to think that my daughter could grow up to make a living doing what I selfishly longed to watch in private when I was acting out is beyond my grasp of sanity. So I would suggest that you look to the future of your own children if the future of your own marriage isn't enough. If you're not in therapy, I HIGHLY recommend you start that with a CSAT, as well as join a weekly SA group. (SA.org.)

Good luck with everything.

 

Sorry to read of your troubles General Urko. We often respond to our historical trauma in ways that help us to feel we have gained power/control over something that made, and continues to make us feel powerless and vulnerable, such as childhood abuse. This is a very widely researched and documented phenomenon and is in no way unusual or abnormal. You wrote that you "went back to the Dominatrix several months ago and love it", have you considered that what you love about it is the feeling of control over your vulnerabilities? As Joe1023 has said therapy can bring us wonderful insights into our behaviours. I hope none of this sounds patronising to you, and wish you well.

 

Im sorry to read about this, it must be hard.
My thoughts on this has 2 elements.
1: because of the past trauma you might benefit from some proper psychology sessions. It would be well worth investigating this i think.
2. Have you ever spoken to your wife about trying some activities in the bedroom?
It wont be as intense as a dominatrix (but thats a good thing). But once you have your emotions and your problem under control there is probably nothing wrong with enjoying some mild bdsm play with your wife. The benefit here is that she doesnt have the same issues as you so she will have a better sense of what feels normal and what is going to far.

 

Your Dominatrix may seem to understand you well, but she only knows how to make your addiction worse, and not better. Find a therapist who can make things better. Fighting childhood trauma with femdom is like treating a cut with a machete.

 

Your story is very touching to me! Have you considered trying an SAA phone meeting? I'm guessing there aren't any solid in person meetings in your area but let me know if I'm wrong.