Addicted to Gay porn

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Jerome123, May 24, 2017.

  1. Jerome123

    Jerome123 New Fapstronaut

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    Ever since I was a teenager I've been addicted to Gay porn. I'm 28 out now and it still has this spell over my life.
    I know why I'm addicted. I grew up in abusive household from the age of 5 up until I was 19, but thankfully I'm free from that. My porn addiction like any other addiction is a cover up for my emotions and past experiences. But I'm a strong believer that no matter what experiences we have in life we choose to be the person we are. I really want to be free of this but it feels like there is a little part of me deep down that doesn't really want to let this gay porn addiction go. I'm not gay. I do find women attractive. But I know for certain how this has effected my personality in general. Nobody knows about this and the struggle I face daily. The biggest issue I face is when the withdrawal comes. I know it's not real it's just pictures or videos, but somehow my mind on withdrawal convinces me that I need to look at porn.
    Any comments would be appreciated to show that I'm not alone.
    Thanks
     
  2. BoBo129

    BoBo129 Guest

    @Jerome123 you are not gay at all. Just quit porn and start your reboot. No PMO and you will return back to normal. Even if you have homosexual thoughts and had homosexual sex it doesnt make you gay or bi. It was all caused by porn escalation.
     
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  3. Oskar kantor

    Oskar kantor Fapstronaut

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    Hola
    Mi hermano Comienza la lucha para Destruir Este Demonio Que Nos agobia yo también padezco de lo mismo y he tenido Que bloquear Internet en mi pc Con El Programa K9 Web Protection y antes de salir de mi trabajo le Cambio La Clave a mi celular asi no lo Pueda utilizar para nada y asi Tener BLOQUEADO la puerta de acceso a Este contenido .... y pues trato de aprovechar mi tiempo libre deporte leer caminar cocinar etc ...... te recomiende Que Lo comiences en Dejar ESTO reiniciara tu cerebro Y Volverás una Ser El Gran Hombre con las Mujeres y recuperarás tu vida ...... Animo no estas solo eres el mejor y a ganar esa batalla Bloquea el Internet en tu computador y Bloquea tu celular y Aprovecha tu tiempo libre Con tu familia y amigos y Sal mas a caminar o Cine etc un abrazo desde Colombia
     
    Last edited: May 24, 2017
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  4. BoBo129

    BoBo129 Guest

    @Jerome123 you are not alone. My porn escalation caused me to have a traumatic encounter. A gay guy blew me and it traumatized me for so long because am a straight male. What straight male wouldnt be traumatized? But hey I learned my lesson for being a manwhore and unloyal
     
  5. BoBo129

    BoBo129 Guest

    Amen
     
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  6. cleaningupmyact

    cleaningupmyact Fapstronaut

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    There is nothing wrong with being attracted to people of your same-sex. Porn may induce that or it may not, but the important thing is to love and accept yourself. No one here can tell you what your sexuality is. But being mad at yourself for being attracted to some people and not others, isn't going to make you happy. Some people are attracted to their same sex but never act on it. Some people are openly gay or bi and are very proud and happy to be that way. Find support where you can and stay on the road to recovery. Surround yourself with people that love and accept you regardless of any same-sex preference you may or may not have.
     
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  7. noonoon

    noonoon Fapstronaut

    A lot of men are comforted by homosexuality because they crave affection from men. This is particularly true of those men who had no fathers in their lives, or caring male relatives. I can also verify what others have said - porn escalates. I had a growing interest in gay porn for a while. It was minor. And i always was sickened by it afterwards. But, that lust needs satisfaction. And when normal sex doesn't do it, we need to go elsewhere...
    Assuming you're not truly gay - whatever that means - this gay porn thing may resolve itself by addressing the underlying issue of lust addiction. You'll probably continue to have a neediness for affection from men, but that can be addressed in other, healthier ways. You might read the book "men and marriage". It is an interesting perspective.
     
    Last edited: May 24, 2017
  8. BoBo129

    BoBo129 Guest

    Homosexual OCD is a demon, and it knows how to deceive sufferers, but if you know what to look for you cannot be deceived. Part of the problem is that HOCD masks sufferers’ body signals. The other part is that people wrongly think they can suddenly turn gay, and that, of course, is an impossibility. You cannot suddenly turn gay any more than you can sprout wings. It does not get any more basic than that. HOCD will try to rewrite your past and say that you did not actually feel this or that, but whatever you remember feeling at the time is, well, what you really did feel at the time. You cannot change a past truth, and HOCD always lies.

    Don’t Be Confused by Propaganda
    There are many people who, for political or religious reasons, will tell you otherwise. Can you say… propaganda?!! Do they want you to vote for them? Do they want you to disregard your spiritual or non-spiritual truths and accept only theirs? In other words, what are the secret agendas of such political and religious spokespersons? Even my community–the gay community I will defend with my dying breath–is guilty of ridiculous propaganda spread thick among what is otherwise true. That is part of being human. You don’t have to believe what someone else says or writes simply because he or she is respectable and learned. If your HOCD clings to someone’s propaganda, disbelieve it. More importantly, if your gut feeling (not your OCD feeling!) says something is not so, trust yourself.

    There are also people who don’t know any better and say what they believe because it is all they have ever heard. Such people mean you no harm, but their incorrect words are what we OCD folks latch onto. Those words get stuck in our brains and become our illogical false truths.

    So now we know something about how HOCD thrives on propaganda and human error. We also know how an HOCD rant differs from an in-the-closet rant. Is there any similarity between HOCD fear and in-the-closet fear? Yes and no.

    Look Deep Inside
    Because society pounds gays with stereotypes–and because many gays fear being rejected, tossed into the streets by parents, ejected from houses of worship and jobs, or being beaten to a pulp–many try to trick themselves into denying their sexual identity. Even I did when I was in the closet. But deep down, gays like me know who we really are. We are simply scared of what people will do to us, and we are scared of losing everyone we love. When, however, we separate our gay thoughts from all of the value judgments and fear with which society brainwashes us, we take great pleasure in our gay identities.

    On the other hand, straight HOCD folks will never be happy with gay thoughts. Because they know that they are straight; they fight against the gay lies HOCD puts into their heads. Their gay thoughts cause them pain by trying to trick them into thinking they are gay. They never accept that they are gay because, quite frankly, they are not. For this reason, they have never been in the closet.

    Allow me to rephrase. As you can see, although straight HOCD folks and closeted gay folks both suffer because of fear in their minds, they are nothing alike. Gays in the closet try to trick themselves into thinking they can be straight; straight HOCD folks are tricked by their thoughts (not by themselves!) into fearing they are gay. On a primal level, however, gay people always know that they are gay no matter what tricks society employs. Straight people always know that they are straight no matter what tricks HOCD employs.

    HOCD’s favorite means of trickery is the spike, seeing or hearing something that, in a heartbeat, makes all the HOCD fears escalate. Let me make this clear by giving you an example of my own (non-HOCD) spiking. I used to see a crack in the sidewalk and think about how earthquakes could cause such cracks, how an earthquake could cause cracks in buildings, how an earthquake was coming this very day to crack sidewalks and buildings, how an earthquake would make a building fall on me, how I would be crushed to death, how everyone I cared about would be killed… And all this snowballing from a crack in the sidewalk. That is the way all OCD works; HOCD is no different. Thus, a sufferer sees a man with an earring, and everything snowballs from there. Yet, most men who wear earrings are heterosexual since most men are heterosexual; in addition, male earrings have been fashionable since the 80s. Those last bits of logic are never factored in, though, as HOCD depends on illogic and high anxiety.
     
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  9. BoBo129

    BoBo129 Guest

    Got this from a website.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 26, 2017
  10. noonoon

    noonoon Fapstronaut

    Very interesting. I've never considered the distinction. What do you think is happening when straight men turn to gay porn or tranny porn, etc.? Or the reports of straight men who've acted out homosexually due to unhinged lust?
     
  11. noonoon

    noonoon Fapstronaut

     
  12. BoBo129

    BoBo129 Guest

    That's a great question you asked. I'm a straight male who has been addicted to porn for 8 years. 2 years ago I discovered tranny and gay porn. 98% of my addiction is straight and lebsian and I would say 2 percent is straight men domintating tranny and gay for being so feminine. It was if you want to act like a girl I will fuck you like a girl type of thing. I never ever watched porn when straight men were the bottom. So one day me and my girlfriend got in a big argument we broke up for 3 days. I was depressed so I started watching porn one night and I got so horny so i went on this app called meetme I couldn't find any females around to do it. Thats when the porn induced fetish popped in my head so I was looking for a tranny or feminine gay dude to give me a bj. I was fighting the lust because the shit was creeping me out when I was coming across their profiles. So I fought my addiction by just trying to make friends with people you know. Then out of nowhere this guy messaged me asking me for a bj. I thought a mouth was a mouth so what can go wrong. Boy I was fucking wrong. He was on his way to my house and I was thinking about what i just done. I was freaking out so badly since I let my addiction come this far and I was only 18 and skinny at the time. I wanted to tell the guy that I dont want to do this anymore but he texted telling me he's close to my house already. So I came outside he drove up and when I saw his face I was like wtf!!! Omg my lust went away when I saw the male features and I realized what porn had did this to me. I told him I wasn't gay and that Im sorry for bringing him out here. He said it was cool and just asked to hang out since he drove out here for nothing. I said sure because I felt bad. We started talking about guy stuff. Out of nowhere he asked to see my dick. I got scared af because the dude was bigger than me. I felt like running but he knew where I lived now and could come to my house and tell my family what happened. I didnt want them to figure out my porn addiction and think I was gay so I did what he said. He gave me a bj anyways and I felt so disgusted and raped. I went to my girlfriend's house and told her everything. Now I have hocd and keep thinking im gay or bi. It left me so traumatized bro! Thats why I came here for help. Its been 2 years ago and I'm still traumatized! The most traumatizing part of it is when i cummed. So your question is answered @noonoon it leaves the straight male traumatized. I've also been suffering from ADHD and OCD since I was little so it played a big role in this crazy addiction.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 26, 2017
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  13. BoBo129

    BoBo129 Guest

    @noonoon What I can say is that tramuatizing expierence made me realize my addiction and taught me a lesson for being a manwhore and womanizer. It made me a better person and taught me what porn addiction and porn escalation can lead you to. I needed to learn a lesson to stop treating these girls wrong especially my girlfriend and this helped. Now I can fix myself and start fresh.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 28, 2017
  14. @BoBo129 I am so sorry for your traumatic experience. It's very mature of you to see it as a lesson to change your lifestyle though. I wish you the best of luck in your reboot.

    Ive also had unwanted homosexual thoughts that are very frustrating. My sense of my own experience is that we live in a hyper sexualised modern society that is constantly trying to arouse us often to sell us something, or give us something to chase in an ultimately meaningless materialistic ideology. Girls are so sexualised and my natural sexual desire is hijacked and taken advantage of through sexualised images of girl on girl. So I, being a straight female, get turned on by these ideas but I know it is my desire being manipulated and changed by the broader social forces. I'm glad that I know, without doubt, that I want to marry a man and live in partnership with him to raise our children together. I love my female friends but they are not who I want to raise children with. And yet, thoughts of sex with a beautiful girl are a turn on. Im so angry that my sex drive has been manipulated in this way. We should all be wary of the way that aspects of our being are being shaped by broader social forces and powers, often with the underlying motive of promoting consumerism and perpetuating a hegemony of particular ideologies.
     
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  15. Bob2132

    Bob2132 Fapstronaut

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    I think you should realize that you are addicted to porn. the sub category of porn, whether gay, gangbang, etc. does not matter so much. You should abstain from all porn and get your porn addiction under control. Once you cut out porn, you will realize what your real orienation is. If you are gay, nothing wrong with that. Btu at least you will know who you really are.
     
  16. cleaningupmyact

    cleaningupmyact Fapstronaut

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    That article is bizarre, to say the least. It is littered with homophobia and I really question the good intention v. the actual message.
    "gays like me know who we really are"
    I've never ever heard a friend in the LGBTQ community talk about themselves this way. "Gays" is usually a derogatory term that hetero people use to put down and exclude LGBTQ people.

    "Once you cut out porn, you will realize what your real orienation is. If you are gay, nothing wrong with that. Btu at least you will know who you really are."

    +1. I think that is the point. Also, nothing wrong with researching some positive LGBTQ resources in the meantime. Even if you are questioning, it can be a good opportunity to examine internal bigotry (like, why be upset about being gay at all? If it's true OK, if it is not, so what?). I thought I was bi for a time when being addicted to PMO. It was interesting to think about. I don't think I am but at this point, but if I was bi or heteroflexible I accept myself fully that way and see no problem with it. I think the healthy goal is:

    1) accept who you are fully, and love yourself regardless
    2) quit PMO addiction and
    3) over time become aware of your sexual desires without PMO stimulation.
     
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  17. BoBo129

    BoBo129 Guest

    @Sweet see deep down you know you are a straight female and that you want to be with a man. You have your answer right there. You have nothing to worry about! PERIOD! Just reboot and you will see the change guaranteed!
     
  18. BoBo129

    BoBo129 Guest

    You will never know what you will get yourself into when you are addicted. As a straight male I forgave myself for putting myself in that traumatizing situation and forgave the gay dude that didnt listen. I learned a lesson that I will carry on for the rest of my life how dangerous addiction can be and not to treat people wrong. I am not going to go around gay bashing people for what happened to me. One step to letting pmo go is forgiving. I accepted what happened and now I'm living a happy life with my beautiful lady and kid.
     
  19. noonoon

    noonoon Fapstronaut

    Wow! That is a horrible thing that happened to you. But a great lesson to others on the dangers of P. Sometimes we have to hit bottom before we can go up.
     
  20. solez

    solez Fapstronaut

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    Dude, i used to be like you. But after i quit porn, that feeling just vanish. Nowadays, all i want is to fuck most women out there. I don't have any physical preference anymore. fat, skinny, petite, blonde, brunnete, big boobs, small boobs, whatever porn depicted women. I don't care about that anymore. I just want to fuck women.

    Plain and simple.
     
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