Addicted to Omegle - Please Help Me (TRIGGER WARNING)

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by looking, May 1, 2018.

  1. looking

    looking Fapstronaut

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    Hello all,

    I am here to bring light to an issue which has been brought up on this website before, but is also one which I believe to be neglected by the community.

    Over the past year I have become addicted to Omegle. Sometimes I want to PMO as I usually would, but other times a "higher" urge comes on that is clearly representative of an addiction to the act of cybersex itself. Trying to resist this urge is even harder than resisting the one for regular PMO and I believe it will be the biggest barrier in my hopefully successful attempt of the 90 day challenge (starts today). I truly believe cybersex to be the "hard drug" of porn addiction (for some people of course, obviously not everyone with a porn addiction will fall into this habit).

    I believe there are two reasons why this happened to me:

    1. Previously developed HOCD. I am not attracted to men but have a porn-induced attraction to male genitalia only. This means that the gender ratio (probably 50 men to every 1 woman) on Omegle is not an issue for me in terms of finding arousal - even if what I really want is to find a woman (because the whole reason why I am so hopelessly addicted to the site is because if I can find a woman to have cybersex with me, it serves as affirmation to me that women can possibly find me attractive...which is something I have a very hard time believing due to a general self-hatred that defines my depression/addiction), and therefore I start to lose my erection by not finding one...I can switch "modes" and choose to be aroused by male genitalia, then continue my original search.

    2. Possible success. If using the website was an absolute lost cause, I probably would've stopped using it after the second or third time and it never would have become an issue for me. However, though the gender ratio is very bad it is possible for me to have successful cybersex with a woman. Sometimes when this occurs you are both on the same page and you finish together, thus ending the session. However, other times one of you leaves for whatever reason and then - even though you are faced with same search that may have taken 3-4 hours to complete previously - you are "reignited" by the previous experience and thus more likely to lose more precious hours of your life to this wretched website. Whichever of the two cases occurs, the "possible success" of the website means that once you have one cybersex experience, the next time you get the urge to PMO you will consider replacing it with this habit and have the arousing (but truly terribly depressing) memories of the previous experience on your mind.

    I cannot understate how disgusted, vile, and regretful I feel right now, and after each of my cybersex sessions...The feeling I get after I relapse to regular porn is awful, but this takes me to an absolute self-hatred where I view myself as a disgusting monster or criminal. I feel destroyed as a person and worthless, showing my genitals to everyone on that website searching for some kind of affirmation...what kind of freak am I...There are certain aspect of this habit that have nearly driven me insane and made me feel irredeemable. First of all, there are some sick people on this site that run illegal, violent stuff and even if I click away as soon as I see it nothing can change what I saw. One time I almost vomited as I was using the site. There are also several encounters you have with people where you have reason to believe you are being non-consensually recorded. These are truly awful experiences that have made me consider suicide in the past (I am over that now, I have come to terms with the fact that I did not intentionally seek out these things...looking for cybersex is not a good thing but I did not ask to have these things happen to me, these are the injustices of sick people out there whose crimes I am not responsible for). Even during the times where I have "succeeded" I feel super empty. There is nothing fulfilling about random cybersex to begin with and sometimes when I think of the horrifying experiences I had getting there I wonder how I could have possibly convinced myself to do this in the first place - a worthy question, but that is the nature of addiction.

    And that is the nature of this habit. The circumstances surrounding it make it extremely intoxicating - it is basically a porn-addict gambling for the biggest possible rush they can find on their computer - and extremely emotionally harmful to the user (me). Obviously the gambling aspect is a big part of it...a few times, I have found a cybersex partner within 20 minutes. This sounds good but is truly the worst case scenario as it heavily motivates a return to the website. The longest stretches of time where I have foregone usage are after a total failure session - where I feel so alone and disgusting that I am able to stop gambling and finish to porn. This usually takes 4-6 hours to occur. That's how addicted I am to this website. I rarely PMO for that long ever. But who knows maybe the next click match me with the most attractive, most willing woman I have ever met with. This is the mindset of despair. I am warning you - if you ever get thoughts to try random camsex, please just PMO instead if you have to and I promise you'll have done yourself a huge favor.

    ---

    Well I have put my struggle with cybersex out there for anyone to read. Hopefully I can help someone who was in the same position as me by posting this. You are not alone...but we must quit. It is essential, I can not take any more of these sessions - besides the aforementioned emotional pain they bring - they cut heavily into my responsibilities and motivation and I just can't let myself lose anything more in that regard. I won't let this artificiality ruin my life. I will eliminate and become a pure version of myself. If I don't quit right now I'm gonna lose my whole life to this shit. Drained by digital lust each day until I wither away and die, unfulfilled.

    My 90 days starts now, and if you are addicted to cybersex, so should yours.
     
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  2. Ridley

    Ridley Fapstronaut

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    Hey, man. I really appreciate you coming forward and discussing your issue with the community. I can't say I've had much experience with cybersex, but as a fellow addict I can certainly empathize with you, and there were a few things you mentioned that really stood out to me.

    You have to remember (I use the word 'remember' because I'm sure you already know this) that affirmation has to come from within. You can't rely on other people to give you confidence (whether they're people you know or random women on Omegle). If you don't exercise, try incorporating jogging into your regular routine. If you aren't already, eat a balanced diet. Practice your creative skills, like music or art or writing. All of these things will boost your confidence and make you feel better about yourself. The more you believe in yourself, the less you will feel the need for affirmation from other people. There are even psychological tricks you can use to help boost your confidence. Every night before I go to bed, I write a journal entry, and at the end of each journal entry I say a list of positive things to myself (stuff like: you are smart. You are creative. You are kind. You are strong). The first time I did it, it felt kind of silly, but now that I've been doing it for almost a month, those sorts of self-affirming thoughts feel like second nature to me. They feel genuine. You can get there, too :)

    This is something I've definitely felt before about my own porn addiction. However, there's a silver lining to what you're saying here: in the present moment, you aren't participating in that activity. Your life of freedom begins the moment you decide to close your incognito browser, and you can maintain that state of freedom so long as you stay in the present and don't go back there. It feels so good to be free from your addiction, and that feeling can last you a lifetime. People make mistakes. I understand your feelings of guilt and disgust, but those feelings are in the past now. You can leave them behind, and every step you take in your recovery is a step away from them.

    I hope some of that helps. You can do this. I believe in you. You clearly realize that this addiction is doing nothing positive for you, so my advice is to enjoy your freedom from it. Don't just quit porn and cybersex: celebrate the fact that you are free and that you have given yourself a second chance.

    I'm not saying this will happen overnight, but things will get better. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, and I believe you've taken more than a few steps. You got this, man :)
     
  3. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    i was introduced to omegle by my first year roommate in dec 2013
    we got plenty of girls chattting with us
    but there are more guys displaying their junk
    we once encountered a funny abusive altercation with some other guys(abusive hindi language)
    haha then we call for back up of 3-4 more ......so in total we 5-6 started abusing those 3-4 them........it was a funny fight and both teams were laughing.....
    i was never addicted to this webcam things thank god.........i just used omegle a few times............and you should understand that deep down omegle is very depressing.......even the clarity is not that good .....so its hard to get aroused
     
  4. looking

    looking Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much, I really appreciate every word of this. Internal affirmation - and the non-reliability of external affirmation - is really something I will keep in mind. Like that concept has hit me so hard.
     
  5. It sounds like a horrible trap you have created for yourself. But I don't get it. Evidently, you "have a very hard time believing [you are attractive] due to a general self-hatred." Yet, you are "showing [your] genitals to everyone on that website searching for some kind of affirmation!" Not only that, but what is the part of the body that guys are most embarrassed about - their cock! So, you go there - mostly with other boys and you get naked and perform for them! o_O
     
  6. looking

    looking Fapstronaut

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    I see why one would think that, but my mindset has always been that my face is the most disgusting part of me, because it is unchangeable and will stop any potential partner from seeing more of me.

    On Omegle I can show the body I have worked on, and then do some camera trickery to make myself look more endowed. No one sees my face so I can act with this weird “confidence”, if you will. When I talk to women in real life I am basically always operating under the assumption that they find me facially unattractive and therefore would never know or care about the rest of me.

    In other words, I am a fine candidate for cybersex but blocked from real sex.

    Of course that is probably really not true, but that is what I am thinking when I use Omegle.
     
  7. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    Looks are very subjective kind of thing
    One may not like it but other will appreciate it
    And I used to get headache if I used Omegle for more than 30 minutes
    So leave it
    And believe me confidence, money , secure future are more important than looks......
     
  8. MasterRoshi

    MasterRoshi Fapstronaut

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    I just wanted to say I can relate.

    Hang in there! It will all get better if you avoid all PMO.
     
    looking likes this.
  9. looking

    looking Fapstronaut

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    Thank you guys.

    Unfortunately I regret to say that after a day of fighting urges I gave in at night. Had another terrible 4 hour Omegle session.


    The way for me to get rid of this is to make the opportunity cost too high. Right now I am totally listless, just got home for the summer and have nothing going on for a few weeks. So I'm sitting alone in a room by myself all day - it's not exactly easiest way to quit PMO.

    I'm going to fill up my schedule as much as possible. Then there won't be time for me to sit on this website for hours, or PMO at all. I'm sorry to let you all down.
     
    u376 likes this.
  10. MasterRoshi

    MasterRoshi Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the update. Hang in there. This isn’t an easy addiction to kick. I definitely don’t have all the knowledge, as I’m only 40 days sober. But I can tell you what worked for me.

    I do get urges but not very often and I have been trying to fight this for 10 years. So this time I’m doing something different. I am really following what is suggested as a way of recovery within the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book.

    There’s a bunch of stuff in the book but the jist of the solution is prayer, meditation, daily journaling, self honesty, and not holding onto any secrets - reaching out to others when in trouble.

    If you have any question, let me know and I can add more detail.
     
    Jwarrior77 likes this.
  11. looking

    looking Fapstronaut

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    Thank you, I would be interested in hearing more about this, PM if you want or continue the discussion here, either is fine for me.

    Anything that has helped someone who has wanted to quit for a long finally do it is of the utmost importance to me. I really have tried everyday for the past 3 years to quit and I've only found a few significant periods of time without PMO, and they were the happiest I have ever been so I know this is the right path for me.
     
  12. MasterRoshi

    MasterRoshi Fapstronaut

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    Sweet! Ya I’ll post here for now so everyone can see. Sorry for such a long post! I kept writing and it kept getting longer :)

    AA talks about how addicts can’t stop on their own and if somehow they do stop they can’t stay stopped on their own for long. Basically eventually we will always relapse.

    We can break that cycle by doing a few things daily to stay on a spiritual path. I really struggle with this concept because I’m not religious and haven’t spent much time doing spiritual things. But luckily AA talks about how it’s “my concept” of spirituality. So I don’t have to believe in a specific religion or type of god. And it can be as simple or complex as I need it to be.

    For example I don’t have to meditate for 10 hours a day in order to recover. I can do 10 minutes and that’s enough, for now. Who knows, later on I might need to do more time or drop it down to 5 minutes per day. The key for me is self honesty, which is the next topic AA talks about.

    It says we must practice “rigorous honesty” in order to recover. This is one of my biggest focuses. I tend to do this mainly with my morning journaling. This is where I write down all the true feelings and thoughts im having and really do my best to get past the BS lies that I tell myself. For years those lies have protected me from uncomfortable feelings, but I need to be honest in order to recover, so now I feel those feelings and learn to live with them. I’ve cried a bunch recently which is a new thing for me.

    Here’s an example of how that rigorous honesty works. I had nothing to do so I was gonna watch some tv. I’m caught up on all the shows I normally watch, so I thought I would find a new one. I remember people said good things about HBOs WestWorld. I knew it had nudity in it and if I was 100% honest with myself this wasn’t going to be a problem because I felt really solid in my recovery and my motivation was pure. I was going to start watching but didn’t have time. So a few days later I went back to start the show. Just before I was about to start, I had a really quick thought and got excited about the potential nudity. So I decided not to watch it today.

    The moral is there’s no outside thing that will cause me to relapse or stay sober. Westworld is neither good or bad, a trigger or not. It’s my honest motivation about wanting to watch it that gets me into trouble. And if I’m practicing rigorous honesty, then I’ll be ok.

    AA also talks about doing prayer, meditation and journaling every day. These are essential. Once again as long as you practice honesty, the length of time for each is incredibly flexible. I do 10 minutes of meditation, 10 minutes of journaling and about 5 minutes of prayer (at most), and I don’t do any of them perfect. I do this every morning the second I wake up before I do anything else (except bathroom). Every morning I read the AA 11th step morning prayer and every night i read the 11th step nightime prayer - really quick and simple, 2 paragraphs total.

    I should say I’m not religious and really struggle with prayer. I don’t have the luxury of religion where I can speak to a being in the sky with great conviction. My concept is way more abstract which makes the daily communication seem super strange. Like who am I talking to? So what has helped with this is I see my higher power as “the universe” and I am apart of this huge flow of life - I’m along for the ride. Forests exist, animals live there, things are born and die, all of this happens whether I’m here or not. That’s the force that I reach out to when praying. I usually ask to be apart of that flow and hope that I can learn how to be better in the flow of life.

    I have also started to attend Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) meetings. Here I have the ability to be honest with others and get any secrets off my chest. Holding something inside and not talking about it is a huge form of dishonesty that needs to be corrected. I do this sometimes by sharing at a meeting, but also have phone numbers of people from the meetings and throughout the week if I need to talk to someone I shoot them a text and let them know what going on. I also do this with some friends who I trust and my parents. this stops me from saying “all is good,” when actually I’m freaking out on the inside.

    Along with attending meetings I got a sponsor and am working the 12 steps using the AA big Book. A sponsor is just someone who has worked the steps before and can guide me through the process.

    Helping others is also a big part of AA. The best way I can help is to be there for other addicts and support them. I do this at SAA meetings, but also on these forums. every day I’m spending some time reaching my hand out. I’m always very careful to not get a big head and start giving “you should do this” advice. Just try to support people and offers whats been working for me. Once again self honesty is key here. I also try to be as helpful as I am capable in other ways, with strangers (if I have the courage) or with friends and family. Nothing crazy. for example just putting my parents brand of milk in front of mine in the fridge so they have an easier time reaching for it :) . Small but helpful.

    I also see a therapist. This is so far down on my list because it’s once a week for an hour. I’ve only gone 3 times so far and I’m sure it’s going to help me along the way, but for now I’m not sure how :)

    I do 2 other things daily that I’ll lump together because I also struggle with depression and anxiety so I do a bit extra to help with that. It might also be helping with my PMO addiction.

    I do daily exersize,10 minutes of weights and some cardio every day and I have cut all unnatural processed sugars and foods out of my diet. Pretty much eating veggies and rice that I cook at home. No more cake and burgers. The good news is my taste buds have adjusted and everything tastes really good.

    ——————————

    I wanted to mention that with doing the above things I haven’t had to run from scenarios or be scared of my electronic devices. I have heard many people on here who add strict website blockers on their devices and also don’t take a computer or phone into certain rooms like The bathroom. One guy at an SAA meeting said he keeps his computers in the trunk of his car.

    This has not been my experience. At the beginning for 2 weeks I was scared and did do some of this, but soon after doing the above work, I Came to a place of acceptance and I don’t have to protect myself, because let’s be honest, for me, nothing will get in my way of relapsing if I want to. If I don’t take my phone to the bathroom I’ll grab it afterwords and PMO elsewhere. Heck a fantasy and my hand are all I need! :)

    With the above work I don’t need to protect myself because I don’t have very many urges and the ones I do have aren’t very strong; I write about my feelings, which are usually causing the urge, and call or text someone and it goes away.


    I really hope this helps and sorry for the length! There’s just a lot to say lol.
     
    Last edited: May 15, 2018
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  13. looking

    looking Fapstronaut

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    Wow I'm really glad you decided to share all that information with me, it all seems super helpful and I will keep it in mind.

    I think tomorrow I will definitely start doing 10 minutes of meditation a day and practicing "rigorous honesty" in my journal and my relationships with others. I will really try and be honest with them and of course, myself. Can you tell more about your process of meditation? What I plan on doing is simply picking a sitting posture to remain in and trying to focus on nothing but my breathing for 10 minutes, working to clear my mind of all thought for a period of time.

    I'm getting a lot of good information and ideas from this thread, thank you guys. I have failed recently but I will never stop striving for my new, pure days. I am sure they will come as long as I keep pursuing my freedom by working to understand how people have beaten this. Thanks again.
     
  14. MasterRoshi

    MasterRoshi Fapstronaut

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    Great work so far! It’s tough to start and it seems like your well on your way :)

    I practice zazen meditation. Here’s a link to a good quick tutorial.



    I choose the chair option because I’m tall and my knees are no good LOL.

    Let me know how it goes!



    Btw I just did some extra journaling because I was going to bed early and wanted to be sure it was because I was tired and not because my brain was tricking me into isolating from the world in my bed (which I’m prone to do). In my writing I found out a few other things as well.

    One of them was: I was talking to a friend (a girl) who is friends of both wife and me.(I’m married and it’s a long story but she left recently which sparked my recovery). In the past when I talked to her I would flirt and basically everything I said was to try to impress her. In the past I masterbated to her Facebook pics also.

    Well, today I was asking her about prayer (she’s religious) and getting advice. Overall I realized I treated her like a human being not a sex object. I asked her how she’s doing and actually listened! What I found out in journaling is that I made a few jokes to make her laugh, which was slight flirting if I’m honest. But overall a huge improvement! I felt like I helped build a true friendship and not a sexual desire.

    All of this discovery in about 10 min of journaling. It got me back to rigorous honesty. Just wanted to share more on honesty.
     
    looking likes this.
  15. thatdude92

    thatdude92 Fapstronaut

    Hey man. I've struggled with a webcam addiction (Omegle but also pay for model websites as well). Makes me feel good that I'm not the only one in that boat, although I'm sorry it's something you're struggling with as well.

    Let's fight this shit and do it! I believe in you. One day at a time!
     
    ryan23 and MasterRoshi like this.
  16. @xXPharaohXx - that was really great!
     
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  17. My fiancé was also addicted to Omegle. It was so terribly hurtful knowing that he was looking for other women online when I was right there the whole time. What’s up with that?? I am not an unattractive girl and was always ready for sexual encounters. It must be a terribly addictive trap, like gambling.

    Have you guys managed to get rid of Omegle?
     
    Jwarrior77 likes this.
  18. I had completely forgotten about Omegle until i saw this post... I used it back in the day for meeting girls online. This was way before online dating became a thing. Now we have apps like Tinder so i feel no need to use Omegle for meeting girls anymore. Unlike the OP i did not use Omegle for cyber sex. I purely used it for meeting girls. There is a lot of weird stuff on there. Like guys live streaming nude... Or guys live streaming a porn videos...

    @looking I don't know how you did it. I was curious to see what Omegle was like these days... It seems to be full of bots giving out their snapchat and phone numbers? I had a random conversation with some guy who thought i was a girl. We both lied about our age... Some things never change. Happy to say i wont be getting addicted to that site again much prefer dating apps now :)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 25, 2018
  19. ryan23

    ryan23 Fapstronaut

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    There's something so thrilling about omegle, I've been struggling with these websites. Being anonymous (covering my face up somehow with a mask), grabbing attention and eventually fapping or exposing myself. It sounds fucked up but it's such a rush for me. I used to struggle a lot with porn and abstained for quite a while. But this exhibitionary part of me has come back a couple months ago and it's getting more and more of a problem. I don't know what to do. I wouldn't just expose myself to anyone on there, especially knowing there's young kids on there too. Either way, I know it's wrong.
     
  20. liveclean

    liveclean Fapstronaut

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    These random video chat sites were my thing too. I'd spend hours trying to find a woman on there then I'd pretty much cum straight away because i'd been edging for so long. At the start I was only looking for women but after a while I reduced my standards to anyone who was prepared to watch! I did some stuff on there I'm not proud of. For me it was a thrill that someone was watching me and they were getting some sexual pleasure from it. I stopped caring if it was a man or a woman. If I let a dude watch me jack off i'd immediately feel disgusted with myself afterwards. I realised it was potentially dangerous what I was doing as you don't really know who they are and what their motives are. Are they recording it to blackmail you later?
     

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