addicted to online relationships

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by mhh, Mar 4, 2017.

  1. mhh

    mhh Fapstronaut

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    hi
    my problem is this: i have a gf, i love her very much and want to live with her all my life. but, she lives now far away, and it became very hard for me. i had some sexual interaction with other woman and told her about it. she forgave me. but except that. i'm struggling with watching porn to reduce stress mainly. and even worse maybe, is that i create those "silly" relationship with females i meet online. they are my "girlfriends", we chat, not very deeply though, say how much we love each other and have many emoticons. sometimes sex chat and exchange photos. it really makes me feel better to know there is someone who is like need me like that and "hot for me". we have a lot passion but no love of course. i'm not sure why my gf isnt enough. maybe it's because she isnt into cybersex/passion online as we communicate. but i dont feel that is the (only)reason. why those imaginary relationships are so powerful. the bad side is i feel cheater. to my gf, myself and even those online because sometimes i feel they really think we are inlove although we dont know each other and will never meet.
    when i have control over the cyber gf, i like it. and M. also i like to tell her to wear this or that and interfere with her life.
    this post helped me to understand myself better. but still not fully. i hope femals and males reply me. maybe i just need more control in my life so i won't search it in relationships. but why my gf being admiration and love arent enough, why i need that from some stranger.... why i need those girls to love and belong to me when i have gf that is like that and also appreciate me so much.... so confusing...
    thank you
     
  2. Carbon Icon

    Carbon Icon Fapstronaut

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    Porn make it's users believe they are entitled to an infinite variety of instantly willing women. This creates real dissatisfaction with real life partners as they are of course unable to provide this. Also the dopamine addiction makes users constantly seek new and novel sexual experiences.

    You need to get clean from your porn addiction and your online relationship (another form of porn) addiction, before you can be clear about your true feelings and needs.

    Have you educated yourself on porn addiction? Do you have a strategy for recovery?
     
  3. mhh

    mhh Fapstronaut

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    thanks, i agree with you.
    i plan to ask my internet supplier to block porn. to try to talk to my gf when i feel stress (all that porn isnt because i'm that horny), to maybe take a walk, to stay away from the computer when i do my breaks (student), cause when i take a break with the computer it is too easy to get to porn - also cause many sexual things online (and the street)
     
  4. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    well ok, but blocking is normally not the solution. You will find other ways to circumvent it.

    The real issue is that you flee from real world into a dream world.
    At this point you need to work on yourself.
    Detect the fears which hold you back from real-world action, and overcome them.
     
    mhh likes this.
  5. mhh

    mhh Fapstronaut

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    thanks. i hope i can do all those
     
  6. lavendereyez

    lavendereyez Fapstronaut

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    Hi there. I am a female addicted to online relationships with men. For obvious reasons, it would be inappropriate for us to be APs but I just wanted to tell you that I know how you feel.

    I am single, so that is my biggest reason/excuse. No excuses are good. Anyway, I just roleplayed with a guy the last couple nights (not sexual yet) and there was an immediate connection. We talked about who we are in real life a bit. In reality, I have no idea who he is, etc. I think about when I am in a RL relationship and how I will feel having done roleplaying with this other guy. I will feel guilty just like you do.

    Maybe the long distance thing with your gf will not work out so well and you may need to be in a relationship where they can support you often and she is willing to flirt and chat online. The reason why I think it is so enticing to us is it is mysterious and exciting and new and the fact that it is right there waiting for us anytime. If we want to be in a serious long lasting relationship, we have to cut this addiction off completely and deprive ourselves of instant gratification so we can remain faithful to my future husband and you to your future wife.

    I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in this.
     
    sparkywantsnoPMO likes this.
  7. AllanTheCowboy

    AllanTheCowboy Fapstronaut

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    I beat this. You can beat this. It is long and painful. It will take a lot of work. It will take therapy. It will take suffering through withdrawal symptoms. It will be the hardest thing you've ever done.

    It will be 100% worth it.
     
    SOSo and Duke of Gine like this.
  8. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    It's totally similar to porn. A kind of deep distraction, a kind of self-inflicted pain.

    In fact you are seeking love and comfort, but pain is your way to find it ...

    The feeling of GUILT is a part of the pleasure ...
    I recommend to open yourself up and to end the double life. Then, the guilt falls away and you are free.
     
  9. Mixtec

    Mixtec Fapstronaut

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    Wow. I just read this and I am like this as well. Well, I am single and have been "saving myself for marriage". But I have been caught up in an online relationship as well. There's this girl and we can text everyday like as if we were an actual couple. She will send me pictures of her family and herself and work. She'll sometimes talk to me as if we were actually in some kind of "relationship" but then I guess when she also comes to her senses she'll talk to me as a "friend". Recently though I told her I was maybe going to stop texting her because it was not very "gentleman" of me to keep talking to strangers. She got mad at me but when I again fell back into the trap of seeing her pretty face picture I can't stop texting her. I am more than willing to have a long distance relationship with her but damn I thought I was the only one going through this situation....is it bad or good? Help us understand
     
    Numbanddisturbed72 likes this.
  10. lavendereyez

    lavendereyez Fapstronaut

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    Well I didn't have so much long distant online relationships. I tried but it turned out that he was going through a lot of issues. Unfortunately a few of mine led to inappropriate sexual things. For you though, just take it easy and be friends. Every good relationship is built on friendship first. How long have you two being texting?
     
    Mixtec likes this.
  11. Mixtec

    Mixtec Fapstronaut

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    There was point she was texting me even weekends but as of recently she has stopped and only resorts to texting me during work hours. I never felt this way for a complete stranger. She is in the West Coast USA and I am in Florida, USA. It's almost painful like an in real life type of deal. I know it's all in my head but damn lol. It's been about 2 months that we have been texting. I've called her only once for about a 30min convo. A part of me feels it aint sustainable but a part of me wants to make it work. It drives me crazy even thinking about it lol...
     
  12. lavendereyez

    lavendereyez Fapstronaut

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    You are definitely addicted. I know it is hard I have been there (in a way) before. I can tell it is very hard for you to keep going on the way things are but it doesn't sound like she is interested in anything more than being friends. I am a codependent which means I often give to other more than I get in return just to keep a connection going. This not a healthy relationship that you are in and it is codependent. You should really break things off for your sake. Continuing on with this is only going to continue to hurt you.
     
    Numbanddisturbed72 and Mixtec like this.
  13. Mixtec

    Mixtec Fapstronaut

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    You are right. When I started this whole nofap thing again I told myself I would need to stop these kinds of "relationships". I failed in that area. This is a reality check. Time to move on...
     
  14. lavendereyez

    lavendereyez Fapstronaut

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    It is not easy I know but you can do it. I'm here if you need me.
     
    Numbanddisturbed72 and Mixtec like this.
  15. Mixtec

    Mixtec Fapstronaut

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    Ive tried stopping but she would get mad at me or find a reason to make me feel bad since I don't have social media anymore. Heck Ive been using her as a crutch to get thru this nofap journey because it is easier to deal with a person behind text rather than in real life. Thanks for the kind words...
     
  16. Numbanddisturbed72

    Numbanddisturbed72 Fapstronaut

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    This is exactly what im going through
     
  17. RocCity

    RocCity Fapstronaut

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    I have a similar situation with a friend I met online who lives in another state. We started out 3 years ago talking about difficulties in both our marriages and eventually started sending nude selfies (and clothed selfies) and sometimes talk about sex. We don't do so much of that now,I don't know if it got old or what. But we still text every week or so about day to day stuff, how we're doing, etc. I don't mind not doing the sexual stuff and don't want To make her uncomfortable, but I do want to keep her as a friend and someone to confide in, and be the same for her.
     
    lavendereyez likes this.
  18. mhh

    mhh Fapstronaut

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    actually, i am trying to accept that. i dont have much fun, or even just enough in my life. so this is a away to make me a bit happier, and my gf knows about it. only problem is when i invest too much time into that, instead of other stuff.
    btw - his girl is sexy, so i would recommend to change :)
     
  19. lavendereyez

    lavendereyez Fapstronaut

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    I hear you. I don't have a lot of fun either but if I had a bf I would spend time with him and not be online with strangers. The real thing is so much better. Hizgirl is meant to be in regards to God but I can see your point.
     
  20. lavendereyez

    lavendereyez Fapstronaut

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    I am seeking love and comfort, attention. Thank you for your advice.
     

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