I started watching porn in grade 6. The first video I watched is permanently imprinted in my mind, not because it was hot and sexy but because it was actually quite disturbing. That's when this shitshow I call my life started. I'm now 18, started to do the cycling of pmo for years now (which used to make me physically ill since my body could tell I was too young for it), and it's definitely caused many of my self esteem issues, and increased my depression as I am a Christian and all of this is frowned upon in our circles. I can't move forward in my recovery from self harm, and from depression if I don't find a way to get my mind off of ever watching porn again. Every time I do it it makes me extremely suicidal. Any advice anyone can give me? I'm going off to college and really want to focus on my work and my church life. I need this to stop as soon as possible!!!