Addiction and (hopefully) recovery

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by suicidal101, Jun 27, 2018.

  1. suicidal101

    suicidal101 Fapstronaut

    I started watching porn in grade 6. The first video I watched is permanently imprinted in my mind, not because it was hot and sexy but because it was actually quite disturbing. That's when this shitshow I call my life started. I'm now 18, started to do the cycling of pmo for years now (which used to make me physically ill since my body could tell I was too young for it), and it's definitely caused many of my self esteem issues, and increased my depression as I am a Christian and all of this is frowned upon in our circles. I can't move forward in my recovery from self harm, and from depression if I don't find a way to get my mind off of ever watching porn again. Every time I do it it makes me extremely suicidal. Any advice anyone can give me? I'm going off to college and really want to focus on my work and my church life. I need this to stop as soon as possible!!!
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  2. Hello!
    Even though I am a male, I can still identify with some things you mentioned.
    I also started at young age, and the negative effects on our body are real, cause I felt something along these lines!

    I can only tell you what worked for me:
    1. You need to block all the porn access and delete the matter as soon as possible.
    2. Start moving out in society and don't stay alone for too long. (Remember, meet positive people and not negative ones)
    3. Replace PMO habits with Good and Healthier habits. (Like cycling, exercise, painting etc.)

  3. suicidal101

    suicidal101 Fapstronaut

    @MuscularSherlockHolmes I appreciate your quick reply! About the ways you found useful to stay away from porn, I have tried the first point. It's hard to block content when you know how to unblock it. Since I have been to one to put the password on my devices I have often unrestricted what I had previously restricted myself in a moment of desperation. I also find it hard to do things included in your seconds points as I struggle with depression, and social anxiety, and I haven't gotten my license yet. I'm hoping to find ways to motivate myself to do those things though.
    Once again, thank you (sorry for being all over the place)
  4. Hi. Welcome to forum!

    Make sure you create a personal journal thread in Reboot Logs section and blog there on a regular basis. As well as just generally be active participant in various forum discussions. I recommend this to everybody new here because it's the major thing that helped me when I was first starting. Just lurking on forums, reading and learning is great. But it usually is so much more powerful to engage. It helps to keep us motivated and accountable when we are active part of community. And keeps this in front of our minds so we don't forget about importance of it and slip away in our old habits. Sharing is also therapeutic. This is a major reason why AA meetings work so good. But that was developed before internet era. These days we can get most of the same benefits online through communities like this. So don't underestimate the power of active participation.

    I would also like to suggest you to look into mindfulness meditation. It has helped me personally tremendously to learn how to deal with urges and triggers. It takes a while to get good at it and notice results, so you need to be consistent with it, but once you do it's very powerful. It has been used by sages for thousands of years to deal with various issues of the mind. And in recent decades the science is also catching up to what ancient sages have know for centuries. Meditation these days are widely used as very effective tool by psychologists for treating addiction and by neurologists for supporting recovery of the brain after physical injury. Plus it is generally a great exercise for the brain the same way as jogging is great exercise for the body.

    You gotta make sure it is proper mindfulness meditation though. "Mindfulness" meditation where we just focus on breath is more like a concentration meditation instead. It works too but differently and not as powerfully in my experience. Real mindfulness meditation however trains you to accept your urges by understanding the nature of them by observing them, not just suppress them by concentrating on something else instead. It makes you comfortable with them. And once you accept and become comfortable with them there is no need to get rid of them, so there is no need to PMO. Only reason why we PMO is because that urge, that itch in our crotch is uncomfortable, we wanna get rid of it. And then after PMO we have our release. Or we simply want pleasure. And inability to have that pleasure makes us uncomfortable. But if we accept that we can not have pleasure then resistance is gone and there is no reason to PMO.

    Acceptance and mindfulness is the key. Check out this Ted talk on acceptance and mindfulness practice, it gives a good idea of what's it's about when it comes to philosophy. The mindfulness practice as described by psychologist in a the video can be used by itself but ideally should be used as supplementation to your daily sitting meditation. Sitting meditation I personally practice and recommend to people is as explained by meditation expert in this YouTube playlist. If you don't like the monk or want other method there is this awesome smartphone app called Headspace for guided meditations.

    Wish you lot's of strength and success in your reboot journey!

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