Addiction - Fiancé left me :(

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Galaxy86, Apr 15, 2020.

  1. Galaxy86

    Galaxy86 Fapstronaut

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    Hi everyone,

    I hope you are all well. I recently stumbled across your community and would really appreciate your help and support. I am at the lowest point in my life and have absolute determination to turn myself around for the better.

    About 2 months ago my fiancé left me as a result to my porn addition. This addiction has been 10 years in the making. My addiction has spiralled out of control without me realising. I was utterly blind of the impact it would have on my relationship and had no idea at the time that this was an addiction and how much help I actually needed.

    This was unfortunately an addiction I was too embarrassed to talk to her about (which now I deeply regret).

    I cry every night of the hurt and pain I must have caused my partner. One day I am determined to do my best to fix things with her, but until then I know my piority is to get myself better and in the correct frame of mind.

    Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Did it work out for you and your partner in the end?

    Take care.
     
    Jiminy Cricket likes this.
  2. Joe1023

    Joe1023 Fapstronaut

    So I don't have the same type of story, but I have over 30 years of porn addiction and over 20 years of marriage. My wife found out about my addiction about 3 years ago and she's been supportive of me despite being horribly devastated by my addiction. I would say that its a VERY good idea to work on YOU before trying to repair things with her. That may or may not be completely over for good, but before you even THINK of working on things with her, I'd say its a very good idea to make sure you're on a secure road to recovery with a healthy streak of sexual sobriety under your belt.

    What kind of accountability do you have for yourself? Have you been to any SA meetings? Maybe think about setting up a counter for yourself. You can get one here.
     
  3. JustADude

    JustADude Fapstronaut

    Lots of men on NoFap have a similar story to yours. My story is different in many ways and similar in a few. Married for almost 15 years, struggled with porn for 20+ years. Today is day 93 of no porn.

    I don't know how long is an appropriate amount of grieving over the loss of fiancee. Crying daily is ok. But, I do know, that at some point, you will have to pick yourself up and find the motivation to kick ass in life again. 2 months since she left you, I am sure it still hurts a lot.

    You are going to have to become stronger from your experience and grow into a new you. Don't quit porn because you feel bad about your past mistakes, don't quite porn for your ex-fiancee. Quit porn for you, because YOU realize how it makes you less than your potential.

    Start a daily journal on the appropriate age nofap journal forum. Start by telling your whole story. Then, list all of the ways porn is negatively impacting your life. Then, list the things you will have time to do, energy to do, willpower to do, if you were spending time/passion/energy/love/devotion/emotion/morality on porn. List the ways in which you might be mentally healthier and physically healthier. Watch videos to get you excited about getting clean. Quitting porn isn't easy, you will need help, and you will most likely make some missteps, but you deserve to rid yourself of it.
     
    Galaxy86 and try_harder like this.
  4. Jiminy Cricket

    Jiminy Cricket Fapstronaut

    Hi,

    I've been here only 3 days but already read very similar stories. There's this guy who posted just today (https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/hails.273615/) and here's my story (https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/hello-friends-its-me-pinocchio.273424/).

    So I too was in a relationship where porn and masturbation caused problems. For me it didn't work out. Though there where also other reasons behind the breakup. I think if I'd had wanted to, it would have been fixable, after some time apart. But we went seperate ways and are both better off now.

    Chances are you didn't do irrepairable damage. But whether you did or not, sounds like nofap is the best way to go regardless. So I'd not fret to much about if it's gonna work out. Work on yourself, that will do you much good regardless.

    Of course you feel broken. But it will pass as well. One thing is, don't blame it only on you, only on your addiction. Don't get the idea that she was all perfect, and that you were the one who messed everything up. I'm sure the story isn't that simple. Nobody is perfect.

    Hey man, welcome! There's many good people here on beautiful journeys, and it's nice to have you along.
     
    Galaxy86 likes this.
  5. try_harder

    try_harder New Fapstronaut

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    Always keep in mind that you are not the first man experiencing such things. I've been in a similar situation back then and I thought the pain would never end. But let me tell you: it does! Don't rush anything know, don't try and contact your ex. Don't do anything for her, only for yourself.

    You already made an important step - you realized you have a problem that you need to work on. Your current situation is painful but it is also a chance. Pain gives you strong motivation to change. Write down how you feel right now. Don't be ashamed of how you feel and don't think that you shouldn't feel that way. Just give yourself time and focus on your goals.

    Start abstaining from the behavior that brought you into this situation. Don't be afraid to fail (relapse). It's part of the journey.
    Also: Try to find a way to "channel" your negative emotions onto positive and productive things like working out, going for a run, crafting something, doing music or whatever.

    Keep your head high!
     
    Galaxy86 and Jiminy Cricket like this.
  6. Galaxy86

    Galaxy86 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you all for sharing your own experiences with me. I have always struggled to express my feelings and emotions with people. This is something I'm working on through councilling sessions.

    I think this was why I was unable to confront her about my problems and resulted to pornography as a sense of escape from reality, which unfortunately got out of hand.

    I 100% agree that I need to work on myself first and do do this for me.

    Thank you for all your support, I really appreciate it.
     
    try_harder and Jiminy Cricket like this.

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