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addiction out of control....Can't Stop

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Petros Santos, Aug 23, 2017.

  1. Petros Santos

    Petros Santos Fapstronaut

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    hi, I'm really down today, after having sex, watching porn and masturbating multiple times. I really can't count how many times I relapsed in this last days, but I really depressed. I can't take decisions and actions. My mind just thinks about sex... . I already installed a software to block the sites that trigger me, but I always find a way to sabotage. I feel very lonely and weak. I already was almost kicked out of my college, because of sex siege. I also have a problem with voyeurism and body exhibitionism. I used to masturbate for neighbors that are woman in front of the window and this increases even more my shame and guilt. I never told about this before, but this is a huge problem for me.
    I think that I'm not just a porn addict, but also a sex addict.
    It's been very difficult for do this process and try to enter in recovery alone.
    I already tried several times and I thought that this problem with intercourses, prostitutes, voyeurism and exhibitionism was already controlled, but now.....

    Sometimes I just need a hand to help me fight this, because alone it seems almost impossible. Cravings keep coming ever. I already tried to modify my routine, but I failed many times.
    My big problem is the computer, but I need the computer to see email and to work.
     
  2. Fokes

    Fokes Fapstronaut

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    You have to understand and know that its entirly posible to overcome this addiction. However i will encourage you to keep yourself occupied especially when you are alone. I wolud encourage you to read motivational books as it will help you a lot but try to get a hard copy of the book.
     
    Petros Santos likes this.
  3. Petros Santos

    Petros Santos Fapstronaut

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    I have been reading this book: " Awaken the giant within you", of Tony Robbins and I already read other books, but it's not the solution. Meditation help much more, because my mind calm, but I can't take discipline. I have to find the root of this problem. Being depressed is going to take me to another relapse and that's why I have been relapsing. I'm always looking for love and piece in girls and forget to find it within me. I know that woman can't give me love and piece, because I'm too damn needy, but when urges come I can't think properly.
     
  4. What triggers you?
     
  5. Petros Santos

    Petros Santos Fapstronaut

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    Mainly thoughts, feelings and things getting through my eyes and physical places.

    1. Thoughts like:
    - "I would love to be someone beside me to talk";
    - "I'm just a mess, because I can't control myself";
    - "I already failed two courses in college and 4 years of my life, so I'm a failure";
    ...

    2. Feelings like:
    - Lonely;
    - Depression;
    - Anxiety when around girls, anxiety when someone disrespect me, anxiety when I fear something
    - Fear of failure, fear of talk to girls, fear of study without thinking that I'm not capable of, fear of enjoying life, and list of fear never ends....

    3. Things getting through my eyes:
    - Going to work in seeing couples together while I'm working and after work I will go to home alone;
    - Someone make fun of me and I ignore him and adopt an attitude of coward;

    4. Physical places:
    - Be at home alone or in my room with all doors closed;
    - Have a smartphone;
    - Go to social media;
    - Be all day at home;
    - Not planning the days;
    but physical place are consequences of the rest that I said.
     
  6. College can be stressful especially when you're struggling in a class. Have you thought about maybe playing a sport? Maybe a soccer club or something like that?

    I know what's been getting me through the past 24 hours is just playing my guitar. It keeps my mind completely engaged. Im also going to spin class tonight. Maybe if you started doing things in groups it would help? I like nofap because even when I'm alone, I can just log on and talk to people and read their posts and interact... it helps to know you aren't alone and we are all going through this together.
     
  7. Petros Santos

    Petros Santos Fapstronaut

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    I don't like team sports and I used to play football with some friends at weekends, but I don't feel connected and in a team and so, I feel lonely.
    I started doing calisthenics workout and it's being very enjoyable, but it's something that you do on your own and it's in the street, but when I do this I feel less alone and more connected with myself.
    I think that what works for some people, may not work for others, even if it seems that it's a great solution for some people.
    What I miss more is intimacy and connection with man or woman, not mechanical or empty sex. There's a difference between intimate, fulfill sex and disconnected, empty sex.

    I already had more friends in life and got out to the night with friends, but even surrounded by people I always found that they are very different and I can't be open to them, because they will not understand.
    It's not that I'm not trying and seeking solutions to be connected with people, because I already got jobs, did volunteer work and talked to strangers, but with no successful. So the problem is not externally but internally, it's my feelings and thoughts.

    Thanks to talk.
     
  8. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    How are you sabotaging? If you've installed filtering software, but you still have all the passcodes to override it, then it's completely pointless. You have to find a trusted friend to set passwords that you don't know.

    Or, like me, you could install Covenant Eyes and link it to a few accountability partners who you can trust. You'll still have control over the filter, but if you remove it, your accountability partners will get an immediate e-mail notifying them, and you'll need to have a good explanation for why you did that.

    Make no mistake--alone it is impossible. You will not beat sex addiction by yourself. You must find a way to involve other people in your struggle: gracious, non-judgmental people who will listen and love you unconditionally, but who also won't be afraid to ask you hard questions a week or two from now such as "have you viewed porn or masturbated since we last spoke? How many times? What were your triggers?" etc etc.

    And while sharing your story here is a great first step, nothing really can take the place of sitting in a room of flesh-and-blood human beings and talking about this stuff. Seeing others nod in agreement with you and truly understand is a very powerful thing, and helps reduce the shame dramatically. Go to saa-recovery.org and see if there are any meetings near you.

    For long-term sobriety, yes, you need to find the root. But don't worry so much about that right now--that will come with time. Right now, you're like a triage patient who's gushing blood. The bleeding needs to be stopped first. The constant porn use needs to come to a stop ASAP, and the only way you'll do that is by locking down your computer and handing the keys to someone you trust.

    You can have a computer and a smartphone and be blocked from porn. Yes, you need a computer for work ... but you don't need a completely open, unfiltered internet connection. Yes, you need a smartphone. But you don't need one with zero restrictions on it whatsoever.

    I use an iPhone, and I'm literally unable to view porn on it. I have a desktop computer with kick-ass internet speed, but it 1) blocks all porn sites, and 2) notifies my accountability partners if I even try to access porn. Those are very big deterrents.

    Could I still spend all day fantasizing and compulsively masturbating? Sure. But severing my access to porn and getting plugged into a support group have been enormously beneficial.

    Yes, I still relapse. But now, my relapses are much less severe. My most recent relapse was masturbation to fantasy. 8 months ago, a relapse would have been an 8-hour porn binge. A year before that, a relapse was cheating on my wife with a woman from an online personal ad. So the progress is real, and you can get there, too.
     
  9. Got to Overcome

    Got to Overcome Fapstronaut

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    Great post from @SuperFan. You truly can not underestimate the importance of sharing your problems with real people. While sharing your struggles online is of enormous benefit, it really doesn't compare to doing the same with flesh and blood people. In addition to the link he provided, you might also check out local churches, many of which have sexual addiction support groups/courses. Naturally, they would be approaching it from a religious perspective, but even if you have no interest in that, you would still find a supportive community.

    Also, if at all possible, it might be worth cutting off your home Internet connection for a while. I realize that many people simply can not do this for reasons of school and work, but if it's possible to get by for a few months only accessing the Internet at school/work/libraries/coffee shops, it could be a great help in jump-starting your reboot.

    Either way, a lot of us have been exactly where you are and have seen huge improvements, so I'm sure you can do the same. Keep going, and I'm sure you'll soon be in a much better place.
     
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  10. norio

    norio New Fapstronaut

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  11. Petros Santos

    Petros Santos Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for all support. I know that I have to block my internet access, but for do that I have to tell my parents my problem and I don't have the courage to do that. I could give the password to unblock the filters to a friend, but I already told to two friends that I'm a sex addict and one of them said that it's not a big deal, because everyone watch porn and have sex and the other said that the solution is in god and that I don't need to block my computer, I just to have faith. So, I'm alone in this yet.

    I already went to SAA meetings in the past in my country, but it didn't help. I don't know how is it in other countries like USA, but in my country I just have 1 meeting that occur 1 time per week that is far away from home and I got involved with a woman in that meeting, because I was young and she was very needy. It doesn't seem like a good solution. I already saw the film "Thanks for sharing", which talks about sex addiction and takes place in SAA meetings and when I compare that with the meetings in my country I saw a huge difference.
    I also contacted to ASAA meetings, but this meeting occurs on Thursday and in this day I'm working all day. Is it a good idea to try another time? I want to avoid therapists, because they are very expensive and I don't have the money right now for that. I know that I spent a lot of money in prostitutes and that it seems like an excuse, but I saying the true and even if I wanted to hire a prostitute I don't have the money right now for do that and the last time that I did that was 1 month ago.

    In relation to implementing filters and use convenant eyes I think about it, because I will need someone to give the password and even if I don't say the reason why I'm doing it, he will discover sooner or later.
     
  12. Ezio13

    Ezio13 Guest

    Read this book "the 5 second rule" by Mel Robbins
    This book is really amazing and will benefit you a lot .
     
    LesPauline and Petros Santos like this.
  13. Petros Santos

    Petros Santos Fapstronaut

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    Thanks Ezio13, that books sounds perfect for read now.
     
  14. Got to Overcome

    Got to Overcome Fapstronaut

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    That is tough. I think it would be best if you could talk about it with your parents, but we all know how awkward that would be, so I definitely don't blame you for not wanting to.

    I would definitely recommend giving the ASAA meeting a shot. Even if you're unable to stick with regular meetings, you might make friends with a few people who could turn into regular accountability partners. In addition to meeting with you to discuss your progress, you could add them as partners on Covenant Eyes. Just knowing that a couple of close friends are going to see all the content you viewed is enough to keep some people from relapsing.

    As mentioned, if you're unable to attend any SA meetings or run into an experience like your previous one, a local church might be a good option. In my experience, there's no requirement to become a member of the church or anything, and most of them will be separated by sex, so it would be more constructive in that regard.

    Whatever it is you choose though, I would definitely recommend becoming a part of community of real people in addition to online communities like this.

    I'm not convinced of the benefit of (most) therapists, so I don't think it's any problem that you don't meet with one. As mentioned, I think that being involved in communities of people who are going through the same struggle is plenty. In addition, checking out the Success Stories forum and videos of people who have successfully overcome PMO can offer a lot of inspiration. I try to view such content daily, and I find them particularly beneficial when I'm dealing with urges.

    Anyhow, I hope the search for community goes well and that you'll soon be where you want to be.
     
  15. Petros Santos

    Petros Santos Fapstronaut

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    I will try ASAA meeting. I think that I have a day out in the next Thursday, so I will give a try.
    I will stay in touch and talk about search and experience.
    Thanks again.
     
  16. Got to Overcome

    Got to Overcome Fapstronaut

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    That sounds great. I hope it goes really well.
     

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