Addiction worse than masturbation NEED HELP

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by BeyondAesthetics, Jan 10, 2014.

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  1. BeyondAesthetics

    BeyondAesthetics Fapstronaut

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    Hey everybody I have had a successful week of NoFap but I have a bad issue that I am having trouble with.

    I have had a faithful girlfriend for a bit over a year now, and its an okay relationship. I feel so guilty about it but I have cheated on her 5 times with escort/prostitutes. Either sex or bjs and stuff :(.

    When I've gotten tested for all stds and it's been like 6 months so I'm clear for everything for the last time I had sex, thank god. But I have a realllly bad addiction, I go on escort websites and I look at the ads that these whores put up and it turns me on. I usually do it before I watch porn. Sometimes I even text these whores and if I'm really horny I'll go see them. What sets me off is going on the website then realizing If I just gave this woman money I could do what I wanted with her.

    Today I messaged an escort and then immediately told her to delete my number, I felt so quilty. I'm going to try my best to not go on these websites again. Do any of you have any advice on how to deal with the horniness at day 7-8. Will it get better?
     
  2. DireWolf

    DireWolf Fapstronaut

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    that is not an addiction, dont try to play victim in all that, you fucked up and cheated multiple times with prostitutes, and if you consider yourself a man you should come clean and face the music
     
  3. iliander

    iliander Fapstronaut

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    that is simply being a pathetic weakling.
     
  4. swedishfapper

    swedishfapper New Fapstronaut

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    Come on, at least he is trying to change his behavior. And he is facing a pretty hard challenge too.

    Try your best and avoid porn and escort sites. Don't text escorts!
     
  5. Fahad Rehman

    Fahad Rehman Fapstronaut

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    Yes people we are all human beings..... The guy recognized his mistake and hes trying to improve... That is really praiseworthy of him.... What my advice to you would be to spend more time with your girl friend and tell her that you need her the most during this time.... She would understand.... and try to distract yourself and always remain positive.....
     
  6. You_Can_Do_lt

    You_Can_Do_lt Fapstronaut

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    I believe its all a part of your addiction, and all of us have varying degrees of this addiction. Some are addicted to softcore P or hardcore P, some to MO, some to PMO, and some to other lust related things. I would consider this a lust related thing.

    You should be treating the escort sites like P. Thats exactly what those sites are for you; they're a way to escape into that part of you so you can feed your addiction. You have to put that out of your life. That being said, you have still been feeding your lust this past week and have not truly started the challenge. Until you comopletely rid your life of the things that feed your addiction, all you've really done is recognize your problem. You havent started this journey until you've stopped.

    Good luck. This isnt easy, but it is rewarding.
     
  7. Blue

    Blue Fapstronaut

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    The OP's question was about what to do with the horniness at day 7 and 8. Giving judgmental answers unrelated to the original question isn't helpful at all. Why even post anything unless you get off on being morally superior.

    And to answer the question asked, days 7 and 8 have always been difficult for me, too, as that is the time we have a surge in testosterone. Cold showers, exercise, participating on this site can help. And I think you need to treat the escort sites as porn and make it off limits. Use a porn filter if necessary. Good luck and keep trying.
     
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2014
  8. tenthyoung

    tenthyoung Fapstronaut

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    Yea, I'm on day 9 right now, and its really hard. For me atleast, I do this pseudo meditate, where I let the urges hit me, and then wait until the urges pass(its not suffering if you accept the pain). I take a warm shower with some classical music and then all my urges are gone.
     
  9. CanadianAddict

    CanadianAddict Fapstronaut

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    I may be wrong, but aren't the escort sites creating the same dopamine feeling as PMO? He's doing the same thing with those girls/ads/pictures.

    The only difference, I see, is that you've taken it to the next level and made it a reality. Porn was your gateway.

    Direwolf, do you actually believe your addiction is any different? I got news for your friend, it's not. Don't consider yourself any more of a man.

    As for OP, I would try to block all that stuff. You need to treat it exactly the same as porn.
     
  10. Do not beat yourself up my friend. But also, for the sake of your relationship, do not tell your gf. Ignore the moral highground "be a man" calls in this thread, if you care for this girl, you will only hurt her tremendously if you came out with this.

    If this is a problem for you, I agree that you should treat it like PMO: absolutely no escort site reviewing.
     
  11. Wannariseabove

    Wannariseabove Fapstronaut

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    Taking an "I'm better than you" mentality is childish. We are here to support each other. P is P. Doesn't matter what type or how we do it. It's a problem. We are here for help, not name calling or harassment.

    Beyond, you gotta come clean with your girl. It may break you two up but it's time to heal. You need to heal. The road your are on is dangerous. You seem to know your triggers, at least some of them. Use that to your advantage. When you feel the urge, go exercise. Go out in public and just walk. Do something nice for your girl. That way when the urge comes, you associate it with productive, fun activities, not P

    Good luck on your journey

    WRA
     
  12. RymanFrey

    RymanFrey Fapstronaut

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    I think that nobody that posts on an addiction phorum should be allowed to call anybody a "weakling".

    Anyway, OP, I understand your problem. My advice: nobody but yourself should decide if you tell her or not about what you have done, unless there is an extreme reason (i.e. you caught and STD and you think you may have infected her), but you should really commit to not doing it again.

    Unfortunately there is no magic advice... just try to engage in activities to keep mind and body busy and tired: work out, do a giant puzzle, engage in social activities where you just can not just leave and hire a prostitute...

    Also, you should think about your girl. Just sit down and write down what do you like about her, why you love her, etc... if you really want to keep her in your life, don't let yourself forget about it for a second. There may be times where the urge to call a escort is too strong to resist... so you must not forget WHY do not give up.

    Good luck.
     
  13. iliander

    iliander Fapstronaut

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    some of these responses are extremely disappointing.

    you're telling me that masturbating and CHEATING ON YOUR GIRL WITH ANOTHER GIRL are the same thing? stop trying to palliate this. i don't care if you're addicted to cheating, you simply don't do it. it is NECESSARY to confront OP with the truth.

    stay strong OP, but if you would realize what you're actually addicted to you won't do it ever again.
     
  14. RymanFrey

    RymanFrey Fapstronaut

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    For sure, it's not the same thing. The same way that being addicted to Internet is not the same thing as being addicted to Heroin.

    But anybody that has been aware about their own addiction shouldn't use terms as "pathetic weakling" when talking to other addicts. Unless that's your way of showing "tough love", which does not seem to be the case.

    First thing: encourage to get over his problem. Coming clean, facing the music... that should come later. And anyway, he's not asking advice about the morality of his issue.

    By the way, I think he should not tell her girlfriend BY NOW. There's a chance that she won't be as understanding as this community, and if they broke up, he would be in a position where nothing would stop him from keeping on feeding his addiction.

    But for sure, that's just my opinion. I may be wrong.
     
  15. CanadianAddict

    CanadianAddict Fapstronaut

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    One could argue cheating is cheating.

    There's quite a lot of debate around "is porn cheating?" And there isn't a clear cut answer yet.

    My feeling is this: Fantasizing about putting your penis into another women is a form of cheating, or at the very least, a gateway to the real thing.

    I think we will start to see more and more evidence that most cheaters/sex offenders etc started out by watching porn. Many of these offenders when they ask them "why did you do it?" What do they say?

    Almost exclusively they got addicted to porn and the fantasy associated with porn. But suddenly, mere fantasy-induced shots of dopamine weren't enough. Don't fool yourself. This should SCARE the hell out of anyone addicted to porn.

    The same way drugs act as a gateway, eventually porn and viewing on a screen becomes "not enough." The more one indulges in porn, the more they want it. The more one indulges in porn, the lesser the effect on the brain. The brain says, "go get something close - but better!"

    Taking the next step or not doesn't make you less or more of an addict, or less or more of a "man." If someone addicted to porn eventually rapes a girl , are we to say "well it had nothing to do with porn!" I doubt it.

    Comparing heroin and the Internet is a silly comparison. But comparing a cocaine addict to someone who eventually tries and gets hooked on methamphetamine is a closer comparison.

    Imagine the coke addict said "come clean, you pathetic weakling!"

    ON the other side of the track, one could argue cheating is a choice. But then couldn't we say the same of porn?
     
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2014
  16. EarthDragon

    EarthDragon Fapstronaut

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    You want a clean cut answer if porn is cheating? Why don't you ask your girlfriend huh? Or why don't you ask ANY girl for that matter. Just look into her eye and say: "I watched porn while I was in a relationship with you because you were not enough. I had to jerk off to a screen to fake women and some disgusting stuff." Or how about: "I cheated on you with hookers because they are so much better than you. More convenient, I can do with them whatever I want and they don't come up with excuses." See her reaction. Face her. That should give you a "clean cut" answer. It's time to wake up guys.
     
  17. DanceToTheRadio

    DanceToTheRadio Fapstronaut

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    I find some of the earlier comments on this thread very disconcerting indeed, in response to BeyondAesthetics. Especially so, when this plea for help is made on a forum that primarily concerns difficulties with various forms of sexual addiction!

    OK, rant over.

    BeyondAesthetics, we share a similar problem. I too get an enormous kick from visiting escort websites. For me, and I suspect for you, it is the same as using a porn website. From reading NoFap testimonies, as well as many articles on Your Brain On Porn, many voices relate to one's addiction to pornography increasing in 'severity'. Some heterosexuals migrate to gay-porn, some homosexuals evolve to straight porn, many move over to trans-sexual porn, whilst others go as far as even bestiality/zoophilia and torture porn. Speaking for myself, I have to say my 'extreme migration' was certainly to fapping over escort and massage parlor websites. These included local agencies and porn-sites which featured men going with 'real' escorts. I even called one or two, to get an extra kick from chatting with someone associated with prostitution. This is one of the main reasons why I embarked on my NoFap journey. I have no problem with pornography or people using it. I do not support censorship in any way, believing in the choice of the individual, however - personally - 'prostitution porn' represents a particularly vile extreme of the industry, hence why I feel I needed help.

    We all have unique relationships with pornography. Some are more extreme than others, but as CanadianAddict wrote to Direwolf, the core root of our addiction is the same. Keep going, BeyondAesthetics. Treat the escort sites as you would youporn or redtube. Be strict: if you visit one, you have broken your streak. There's no shame in slipping up and starting again, for the will to quit will get stronger, and you will make it. If you want to message me about your particular manifestation of porn-addiction, without feeling you may be attacked, then please send me a personal message.
     
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2014
  18. CanadianAddict

    CanadianAddict Fapstronaut

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    exactly! I agree 100%
     
  19. I think your point of view is narrow and a bit too simplistic. Point to me a man who claims he's never fantasized about another woman but his wife and I will point to you a damn liar. Our society (and the women within it) is to some extent built on the monogamous couple and nuclear family. Christianity and other religions have forcefully imposed monogamy on us for the sake of order, and it's paid off to some extent. But to pretend that our biological urges don't exist is not honest. Take a man who wants and appreciates the life long bond he has with his wife and children but doesn't want to sacrifice the variety, excitement and boost he gets from bedding other women. Open-relationships, swingers, polygamy and divorce are badly seen and poorly organized in today's world. Although we know deep down that we aren't monogamous animals, it's hard to organize and be respected in a society that accepts only that, which in large part explains why porn is popular.

    To simply say: you have extra-marital (extra-relationship) urges, therefore you are a cheater and a horrible person is insensitive, very conservative and uneducated. In many ways you are a hypocrite because while you fester on your urges while hopelessly denying them, those urges are the exact same as his.
     
  20. iliander

    iliander Fapstronaut

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    Wrong.

    Fantasizing about a woman other than your wife is bad and should be suppressed immediately. Some urges are good, others are bad. What sets us apart form animals is that we resist the bad urges.

    Nobody is saying that these urges don't exist, but there's no need to be a weakling and going with the evil flow. There're many things that might give you excitement and boost, it does not mean that these things are good.

    We are NOT animals, we are creatures, but NOT animals. This is extremely important.

    A society SHOULD accept only that. But we're rapidly moving towards society accepting this, which is the influence of Satan. The ONLY right intercourse is between a man and his wife, producing children and raising those children into strong individuals.

    Having extra-marital urges does not make you a horrible person, ACCEPTING those urges does.
     
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