Addictions and Potential recovery?

You just have to look at the other side of the coin and I know you don't like to see it.
There are invalid people that accomplish a lot of things despite their handicap, they look happy in the videos we see but not everyday is a happy day especially when their loved ones would need someone that is not a burden. All I am saying with this analogy is that your job might be your handicap because you see it as farming money.
You should in weekends start something you want to be as a kid, ok you can't be an astronaut or an nba star anymore, but spending your days off being high watching porn is not relaxing is just being at another job and escaping 2 days from reality into next 5 days of work, you never get a break.
Some people that I don't understand like to stream on twitch after work and in weekends for their 15 20 people that talk with them and they love that interraction, some people go camping and put it on youtube, some people vlog their working boring life, I think internet isn't just porn you can do great things that you think it fits you.
I wish I had a job, porn and my unhappy life destroyed me so bad that I haven't been working for 2 years, I am just low with moral, motivation, self confidence, I feel like non-existing and I had your dark thoughts from last line too
One thing that I wished as a kid was to do volunteer work for things related to children with really bad childhood and one day when I will be living and working in a city I will do it in weekends, I will close my phone and just serve them food, clean things around, encourage them to follow their dreams and be useful for the ones that deserve more.

 

Working a job you don’t like and then anesthetizing yourself in the evenings and on weekends is no way to live.start making changes. Start taking exercise classes. Or start taking yoga. Or start taking art class. Or join a volleyball league. Or learn to play the guitar. Or the piano. Or start looking for a better job. Or go see a counselor. Or go to a 12 step meeting. There are 12 step groups specifically for marijuana addicts. I should know, I am a part of one. You have way more options than you think you do.