Addictive and toxic fuck-buddy situation (HELP)

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Bob8, Mar 28, 2021.

  1. Bob8

    Bob8 Fapstronaut

    104
    206
    43
    A bit of a long story, but i'll try and keep it fairly brief.

    This woman got in touch with me about 3 years ago through Facebook, private messaged me saying hello and that we had a mutual friend etc, she asked to meet up, and as per usual i was keen, we organised a date, & after a few drinks, it led to sex at her place, the sex was amazing, she made me O, which was crazy - because i had been struggling with it for years while travelling, most of the time girl's just could never really get me there due to how de-sensitized i was from my porn consumption.

    I was hooked. her pussy was unreal, and the things she was doing with it was always leading me to completion (which again, was so damn rare for me during sex) must add: she is 11 years older than me.

    So we stayed in touch, and i would go and see her usually every week or two in the evening time, turn up, chat, have sex, hang out, and eventually would leave (have an issue with sleeping in other peoples beds, and generally just having 'strangers' sleep next to me, i can just never fall asleep!)

    So this became a bit of a thing.. week in, week out, 3-4 hours at her place, always sex, and always being home before midnight, it worked out great, as it was just super convenient, having amazing sex, and then a chance for me to be alone, as i'm sure most guys will admit, after you have O'd, you feel a bit vulnerable, shameful, guilty, and don't feel like being near people, that is the case for me, at least.

    Until this conversation came up.. ''so, what are we? are you sleeping with any other girls like this? why do we never do anything in the day? go for walks, go out for dinner?''

    To which i replied, ''well, i don't know what we are, i would say currently, its a type of fuck-buddy / friends with benefits thing...'' to which she wasn't best pleased, she wanted it to evolve into something more meaningful (which most women do...not all, but most)

    I told her that i wasn't looking for anything more, and i was happy with the situation, i had just come out of a 8 year relationship, and wanted something casual and fun, and wouldn't she like the same? providing that we are honest with who we are both sleeping with, and making sure not to pass any STD's onto each other..

    She came round to the idea of it, and we carried on doing what we were doing, week in, week out.. a few more months go by, and she says she isn't completely happy, and feels like she needs more of an emotional connection, rather than a fuck-buddy thing.. so i told her ''okay thats fine, if thats how you feel, then we can just end it so no-one gets hurt and not see each other again''

    But.. ''i think i'm in love with you....'' she said.. ''i want you to stay the night, and i want us to go on walks, and not have everything just be about sex''

    This shocked me, and i did not see it coming.. i replied ''shit... really? are you sure?... i mean... i'm not looking for a relationship, you know this.. i've always wanted it to stay casual and try to leave feelings out of it''

    She replied ''i know you do, but can't i tempt you with more? can we not try doing more than just evening sex?'' ... i thought about it, but just didn't want that, didn't want anything to evolve into something meaningful, i was happy with being single and not having to be a boyfriend anymore, since being single it had been the most stress-free anxiety-free years of my life, and being in a relationship would only put me back into that terrible headspace, and importantly to add: i didn't feel any love for her during all of this.

    So we called it off, the best sex of my life, the thing i dream about, masturbate to, and always get head over heels excited for, finished, over.

    Okay, thats fine... i can find someone else who wants something casual, another fuck buddy (i had a couple at the time, but they just weren't like this, this woman, she just knew how to please me and nothing compared)

    3 weeks go by, and thinking about our sex, everyday... masturbating to the thought of it, trying to find porn that looked like it, the position's we do, the type of woman that looks like her..

    She messaged me, ''i'm thinking about you, and would love to see you''

    I jumped straight at it, and went over to see her that night, we had amazing sex and hung out for a bit, and i left, we carried this on for 3-4 more weeks until the same thing came up, she mentioned she wanted more and couldn't do this without an emotional connection being both ways... so we ended it once again, to cut a long story a bit shorter:

    This happened 20 times in 3 years. on, off, on, off, on, off etc etc. sometimes a month long, sometimes 3 months long, sometimes weeks long, the periods of cutting it off differed, and both of us were to blame for the contact and re-starting it again, it was very much 50/50. But gradually it got more intense, she was crying after sex, she was confessing her love more and more for me, it really was just a one-way street, and my addiction to her and our sex just wouldn't let it go.

    Two weeks ago, we called it off for what i HOPE is the final time, and praying that my self-control when she messages me will rise above and not give in, because i should not let this continue, if she is in love, and i feel nothing but lust, its blatantly not fair on her, and i should be letting her move-on with her life.

    Anyone else been in a similar toxic fuck-buddy situation like this? its been a crazy part of my life, and i'm hoping with NoFap i can help kick it with my new found self-control.
     
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2021
    brassknucks and goodnice 2.0 like this.
  2. ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved

    ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved Fapstronaut

    873
    1,206
    123
    It sounds like you already know what the right thing to do is, but I'll back you up on it. If you aren't interested in a committed relationship with that woman, consider apologizing for your part in the matter for leading her on for so long (going back for more sex each time is just using her cravings for intimacy as a way to satisfy your own lust), and stay away from her.

    This woman wants something different than you want. At this point, hurt has already been done. She's going to feel sad for who knows how long because of how things went, and you'll probably feel that you're missing out on good sex. But you going back and having sex isn't going to fix things, unless you truly decide that you want to stay with her for life and enjoy other things in life with her.
     
    Bob8 likes this.
  3. Sex it's never casual, even if we try to make it as such. Specially women, they always always develop feelings towards the person they have sex. We men, we can sure have sex and no feelings involved.

    And this will never change in her or any other women. That is one of the reasons I stop having casual sex it hurts women a lot.

    I think of all the girls you had sex and in this experience with this girl you already know this. A fuck body it's just a fantasy it will never be such thing.

    This has happened to me, they still text and call but I know they will fall in love of me or already are so I decline the offer.

    Be the better man. Just leave her alone I know it's hard especially because of the great sex, it's hard to find. The girl I had the best sex of my life just texted me yesterday telling me how much she misses me. I know I can hurt her that is why I leave her alone.
     
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2021
    D_rax, Bob8 and goodnice 2.0 like this.
  4. good man. respect
     
    modern milarepa likes this.
  5. @Bob8 Hi man. Since things have repeated 20 times, it will likely be the same old story, unless something changes. First, apologize, and make it clear to her that you will not go back to her- that there is no chance of this happening again. I think the only way is if you block her, and remove her contact from your phone. I have done this myself so that there is no way I can talk to the girl again when temptation arises. Only do this if you mean it, if you are ready, and truly don't wanna repeat. Otherwise, you will be going against your word, and ruin your self trust, which is of utmost importance
     
  6. Bob8

    Bob8 Fapstronaut

    104
    206
    43
    Yeah man, I have apologized to her many times, i've always been honest with her about my intentions, she understands the situation and how it got out of hand so many times, i'm sure we will both be strong with this, and i'm willing to be even stronger going forward.
     
  7. Bob8

    Bob8 Fapstronaut

    104
    206
    43
    Thing is, i did try this, i blocked her number and she got offended, and still found a way around it, then contacted me using email.

    She initially didn't understand that i was doing it for her, blocking her was the only way i could help her.
     
  8. Bob8

    Bob8 Fapstronaut

    104
    206
    43
    I hear you loud and clear, i've heard of other friends having these situations, and one person always falls deeper (usually the woman, but i have heard of men catching feelings first..) and it's no longer about lust anymore, one person wants it to be more and the situation is then complicated.

    I'm going to swear off of it, and try my hardest, if i can quit porn usage then i can quite this sex addiction with her.
     
    modern milarepa likes this.
  9. Rev2.0

    Rev2.0 Fapstronaut

    387
    470
    63
    I will just say that great sex on demand, with no strings attached, with a woman who thinks the world of you is a situation a lot of men would give almost anything to be in. So you may not find a lot of pity here ;). That being said, you're clearly not at peace with it so for you, I'm with others here who say if you're not ready to give her more, you need to let her go. Good luck, I know it won't be easy.
     
    Bob8 likes this.
  10. Bob8

    Bob8 Fapstronaut

    104
    206
    43
    Yeah true - i get that, definitely not fishing for pity, ha! but i get your point, i'm going to be solid with not getting in touch or replying to her, but the difficulty is, i don't like the feeling of ignoring her if she reaches out to ask how i am doing.. i just need to make sure i have my sexual feeling's and thoughts under control if and when that happens.
     
  11. ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved

    ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved Fapstronaut

    873
    1,206
    123
    I know this may beyond the scope of the discussion, but this is one of the reasons why marriage is an important institution. It (theoretically) puts walls around where intimacy is to be found, and is like a castle where you and your lover can live. Sex without intimacy doesn't work...it always leaves somebody feeling terrible. And for the few percent of people that claim that sex without strings attached is fine for them, my guess is that they used to feel differently, but due to a variety of reasons (sometimes their own fault, and sometimes just the way life has gone for them) they have grown cold to the idea of commitment.
     
    Fat Boy likes this.
  12. PanteriMauzer

    PanteriMauzer Fapstronaut

    636
    980
    93
    Damn i get your the biggest fucker of this site ahahahah
     
  13. brassknucks

    brassknucks Fapstronaut

    568
    722
    93
    Okay Chad. Lots of guys out there are just trying to get an "at bat" and here you are just literally slaying.
     
    skibum71 likes this.
  14. Bob8

    Bob8 Fapstronaut

    104
    206
    43
    I had to google 'chad' and now i have to google 'at bat' ?? come on....
     
    brassknucks likes this.

Share This Page