Addicts on NoFap Using SOs as Punching Bags

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by GG2002, Jun 6, 2018.

  1. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I know this represents a very small group of addicts on NoFap, but the few that there are really disrupt threads and cause pain. I think it’s one thing to argue a point, and to call someone out on behavior that is not okay, particularly denial and blaming behavior. But there are some on here that just take jabs at SOs out of nowhere that are totally irrelevant to the thread and then when I or the person being attacked responds, blames us for disrupting the thread. I understand much of this is attention seeking as it drives them nuts if you do not respond or pay attention to them. Another part is that they are not actually attacking us, but they are attacking the idea of us, because they do not want to accept what “we” stand for. Pain that they have caused to their own SOs, women that have rejected or ignored them, their need to confront their addiction and all of their insecurities. That being said, what does everything think is the best way to handle these individuals? Ignoring them seems to just make them continue posting. I like that the admins are pretty good at shutting these people down when they act up, but not always early enough to nip it in the bud. I have had this happen to me three times in the last week alone.
     
    STAR DUST, mcgrim, naonaise and 6 others like this.
  2. I think that those people constitute 5% or less of NoFap (at least in the forums I stick to) -- I think it's important for the other 95%+ to chime in and either confront the attacker if it's just a blatantly rude, out of line comment .... Or if it's more on the edge of innapropriateness, to ask questions and pull the thread to see if there is a valid point trying to be made and maybe the person just is too much in the fog (or a cultural barrier or something).

    I think as a whole, this community does a good job of helping and protecting each other. But it only takes one really stubborn person .. or someone who just is spiteful/vengeful and wants to attack -- but the admins do step in when posts are reported.
     
  3. Queen_Of_Hearts_13

    Queen_Of_Hearts_13 Fapstronaut

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    I agree with @TryingHard2Change that there can't be the bystander effect... that people when they see something, say something. Confront the disrupter of the thread don't just sit back and watch.
     
  4. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks all. This would be my approach as well but sometimes I’m concerned the because they are seeking attention that the person makes things worse. But if we don’t engage then by the time the post is down the damage may already be done really an SO in a state of crisis I know I was there awhile back and it definitely made me feel bette when others spoke up for me when maybe I was not strong enough to do so. When you have an addict already gas lighting you that you are to blame at home and then you are being told that on NoFap a place you came for support that can be very damaging. And we have some strong SOs and ex SOs as well as addicts who are our allies that will stand up and say no that know it’s not the SOs fault but there are just as many SOs if not more quietly reading the threads and those are the ones that I am concerned for. Thanks again.
     
  5. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Ok, I'm going to have a unpopular opinion.... But don't I always?

    This is true of any community.
    Even in the SOs forum (no, I'm not talking about the group) you have women (and men) who get jabby at other SOs who do better or are healthier relationships or are further along in reboot in their relationships than others and make jabs to take them down because "we" all have to "be the same" or "in the same place" that's what makes this "a community" right?
    We are all damaged.
    (please note I don't share this view it's just my note)
    It's honestly a shame we can't be more supportive.
    Or more understanding.
    Or more caring.
    And definitely less rude about it.
    But the fact is, we can't.
    Why?
    Because.
    Someone will always be jealous of someone else.
    Or be competitive with someone, even if they are on a anonymous forum.
    It's stupid, but that's the way it is.
    One bad apple will always try to spoil the bunch.

    I do hope you inspire kindness with your thread GG.
    I think it's good.
     
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  6. I am a PA .. been married for 21 years / we have 6 kids. Glad you are here--hopefully we can be 100% supportive of you this time.
     
  7. Thank you :)
     
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  8. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    I am sorry this happens to you so often, you and many of the other women here.

    If their posts are annoying you can block them, then it doesn't matter how much rubbish they post you will be blissfully unaware. If their posts are also offensive you can report them.
     
  9. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I think the type of thing that I am speaking of boils down to one thing, intent. Often it’s hard to see it right away, but it usually makes itself clear as the posts go on. For example we as SO’s provide unpopular opinions or advice to PMO addicts, as well many PMO addicts gave me advice I may not have liked to hear or wanted to hear, but needed to hear, and the same goes for PMO addicts to PMO addicts and SO’s to SOs. But no ones intention there is to hurt the other person. Rather it is to try to get that person to see a different point of view. That can go off track no doubt but the intent that is there is genuine. What I am speaking of is members who attack other members personally, often not even on a thread that person has started, for the primary purpose of hurting that person because of anger, pain or issues the attacker has that have nothing to do with that person. You will usually see this take the form of a personal attack, not an attack on an argument and opinion. Then when the attacked responds or others do in their defense, the attacker pushes the blame back on the attacked and the defenders. And yes an individual can block that person. But they cannot stop that person from disrupting the thread unless every person blocks them. I personally have had several PMO addicts on here that jump on every single thread I post on and personally attack me. Some have been suspended others have not.
     
  10. mcgrim

    mcgrim Fapstronaut

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    It's unfortunate this happens here and in real life. There are individuals who need to feel like they are important and / or on top so they attack others to make the other people feel worse than they do. Which then gives them that false feeling they are looking for.

    What I said may not make a lot of sense but my SO like many others has to deal with this crap in real life and one of them for whatever reason explained to her that this is why they do it. It doesn't make sense to me but I look at things differently.
     
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