ADHD addicted since I was a child.

Vickdays

Vickdays

Fapstronaut
Hello Everyone,

My name is Victor, I am 23 yeard old guy from Colombia and I have been addicted to porn since I was child. In the past two years, I have been able to assess a lot about myself, mainly because of the loneliness I have experienced during my music program in the U.S.. P and S addiction used to be a reason for me to be ashemed, but later it kind of became part of my identity. The people that surrounds me never has ever judged me before, leading me to think that there was anything wrong about watching porn and having sex with strangers everyday. Additonally, I was diagnosed with ADHD and depression because of difficulties to stay on task and stay emotionally regulated, so P and the "hook up" culture became my relief. Everything was normal until my mood, priorities, goals and self identity started to get negatively affected by my sexuallity. Now, I have realized that not having a healthy sex life does not contribute to my overall well-being and my motivation to achieve my goals. I can say "it will only be 15 minutes a day" but PMO sessions or trying to have sex with a stranger on grindr, usually makes me lose track of time and after I finish I feel exhausted with any motivation to go on with my day and keep up with my to do lists and my good habits. According to what I have read on the "getting started" guide, p messes up with my motivation. Even though I am afraid because this has been something I have tried to give up before, It´s time to OFFICALLY take action!... to get out of this confort/discofort zone, to help myself more about my mental health and move on to all of the good things that life can provide. Thanks for reading and I hope that we can help one another. I am rebooting of PM and I am in day 0 !!
 
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Hey @Vickdays welcome to the site !

Awesome that you're on here. This site is a great resource with the startup guide and all of the community members on the forums. We're rooting for you and we could do this! Let's just take it one day at a time.

Peace.
 
Vickdays said:
Hello Everyone,

My name is Victor, I am 23 yeard old guy from Colombia and I have been addicted to porn since I was child. In the past two years, I have been able to assess a lot about myself, mainly because of the loneliness I have experienced during my music program in the U.S.. Pornography and Sex addiction used to be a reason for me to be ashemed, but later it kind of became part of my identity. The people that surrounds me never has ever judged me before, leading me to think that there was anything wrong about watching porn and having sex with strangers everyday. Additonally, I was diagnosed with ADHD and depression because of difficulties to stay on task and stay emotionally regulated, so Pornography and the "hook up" culture became my relief. Everything was normal until my mood, priorities, goals and self identity started to get negatively affected by my sexuallity. Now, I have realized that not having a healthy sex life does not contribute to my overall well-being and my motivation to achieve my goals. I can say "it will only be 15 minutes a day" but PMO sessions or trying to have sex with a stranger on grindr, usually makes me lose track of time and after I finish I feel exhausted with any motivation to go on with my day and keep up with my to do lists and my good habits. According to what I have read on the "getting started" guide, Pornography messes up with my motivation. Even though I am afraid because this has been something I have tried to give up before, It´s time to OFFICALLY take action!... to get out of this confort/discofort zone, to help myself more about my mental health and move on to all of the good things that life can provide. Thanks for reading and I hope that we can help one another. I am rebooting of Porn and Masturbation and I am in day 0 !!
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Hi. Welcome to forum!

Make sure you create a personal journal thread in Reboot Logs section and blog there on a regular basis. As well as just generally be active participant in various forum discussions. I recommend this to everybody new here because it's the major thing that helped me when I was first starting. Just lurking on forums, reading and learning is great. But it usually is so much more powerful to engage. It helps to keep us motivated and accountable when we are active part of community. And keeps this in front of our minds so we don't forget about importance of it and slip away in our old habits. Sharing is also therapeutic. This is a major reason why AA meetings work so good. But that was developed before internet era. These days we can get most of the same benefits online through communities like this. So don't underestimate the power of active participation.

I would also like to suggest you to look into mindfulness meditation. It has helped me personally tremendously to learn how to deal with urges and triggers. It takes a while to get good at it and notice results, so you need to be consistent with it, but once you do it's very powerful. It has been used by sages for thousands of years to deal with various issues of the mind. And in recent decades the science is also catching up to what ancient sages have know for centuries. Meditation these days are widely used as very effective tool by psychologists for treating addiction and by neurologists for supporting recovery of the brain after physical injury. Plus it is generally a great exercise for the brain the same way as jogging is great exercise for the body.

You gotta make sure it is proper mindfulness meditation though. "Mindfulness" meditation where we just focus on breath is more like a concentration meditation instead. It works too but differently and not as powerfully in my experience. Real mindfulness meditation however trains you to accept your urges by understanding the nature of them by observing them, not just suppress them by concentrating on something else instead. It makes you comfortable with them. And once you accept and become comfortable with them there is no need to get rid of them, so there is no need to PMO. Only reason why we PMO is because that urge, that itch in our crotch is uncomfortable, we wanna get rid of it. And then after PMO we have our release. Or we simply want pleasure. And inability to have that pleasure makes us uncomfortable. But if we accept that we can not have pleasure then resistance is gone and there is no reason to PMO.

Acceptance and mindfulness is the key. Check out this Ted talk on acceptance and mindfulness practice, it gives a good idea of what's it's about when it comes to philosophy. The mindfulness practice as described by psychologist in a the video can be used by itself but ideally should be used as supplementation to your daily sitting meditation. Sitting meditation I personally practice and recommend to people is as explained by meditation expert in this YouTube playlist. If you don't like the monk or want other method there is this awesome smartphone app called Headspace for guided meditations.

Wish you lot's of strength and success in your reboot journey!
 
Hi @The Serpent of Fire Thank you so much foor your reply! it was really helpful! Because of ADHD is always helpful to decide by writing or out loud what I am going to do next in order to make it real :) Especially if my journy is going to be in English... So I will start a journal thread and look around the forums to engage in debates... as you said reading and learning. I also believe in the power of mindfulness, I have practiced it before but never for the sake of observing my urges to ponography... I am sure it will be helpful. Thanks for the links I will take a look!
 
Vickdays said:
Hello Everyone,

My name is Victor, I am 23 yeard old guy from Colombia and I have been addicted to porn since I was child. In the past two years, I have been able to assess a lot about myself, mainly because of the loneliness I have experienced during my music program in the U.S.. P and S addiction used to be a reason for me to be ashemed, but later it kind of became part of my identity. The people that surrounds me never has ever judged me before, leading me to think that there was anything wrong about watching porn and having sex with strangers everyday. Additonally, I was diagnosed with ADHD and depression because of difficulties to stay on task and stay emotionally regulated, so P and the "hook up" culture became my relief. Everything was normal until my mood, priorities, goals and self identity started to get negatively affected by my sexuallity. Now, I have realized that not having a healthy sex life does not contribute to my overall well-being and my motivation to achieve my goals. I can say "it will only be 15 minutes a day" but PMO sessions or trying to have sex with a stranger on grindr, usually makes me lose track of time and after I finish I feel exhausted with any motivation to go on with my day and keep up with my to do lists and my good habits. According to what I have read on the "getting started" guide, p messes up with my motivation. Even though I am afraid because this has been something I have tried to give up before, It´s time to OFFICALLY take action!... to get out of this confort/discofort zone, to help myself more about my mental health and move on to all of the good things that life can provide. Thanks for reading and I hope that we can help one another. I am rebooting of PM and I am in day 0 !!
Click to expand...

Welcome, Victor! You're in the right place, my friend! I'm glad you're hear. You have good goals and a good outlook on this journey; I think you'll do great! :)

And, congratulations on 6 days!
 
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