Admiring a woman's beauty - Safe?

It all depends. The problem with addiction is that during reboot your brain will find all kinds of ways to get some form of stimulation while telling you it is perfectly fine and you're not doing anything wrong. And the line between just admiring the beauty of a woman and trying to get a quick fix for your brain is a very fine line.
So, it's perfectly ok to look at a woman and say: Now, that is a gorgeous human being. But if you actively start searching out females and constantly admire their 'shapes' and 'forms', then it's probably not doing you any good.
The key is to be completely honest with yourself and if you doubt whether what you're doing is wrong, then maybe stop it for a while just to be sure. The world won't stop turning if you stop admiring all those beautiful females.

 

I completely agree with Napionder. Personally, I try to avoid admiring women's beauty as much as I can - precisely because I know my "instability". But I know of some quite chaste people who have very strong principles, probably never watched any porn in their lives, but still are able to appreciate women's beauty.

 

There are two recommendations I've seen on this forum about this that I really like.

One is the three second rule. Admire her for 3 seconds, and then refocus on something else.

The second is a little more extreme. Only admire someone if you plan on approaching and talking to them.

As long as you're honest with yourself, both of these are a good way to build self-discipline as well.

 

I'm an extreme kind of dude so I always go with that 2nd recommendation. Granted I was not always like that. Hell it took over 25 years before that 'recommendation' became engrained in me. I uphold women I encounter in public with the utmost respect, even if they don't respect themselves. "Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future", true words for my life bro.

Now my bad habit I am trying to "slay" (i.e. subdue/transfrom with my 'wisdom sword') is falling victim to the virtual succubi. Pixels. But those pixels are real women. When you look deeply into what you are really doing, you snap out of it and there are no more relapses. It takes hard work, patience, honesty, courage, dedication, and support from positive people in your life whether they are online or real life friends (the best supports).

 

I've been trying out the 3 second rule as well and I think it's helping. Maybe you can even like ween yourself off towards 2 seconds, and eventually get to the point where you see the beautiful women, acknowledge it, and completely move on like nothing has happened. I think there will always be a part of you that want to examine every little detail but it's choosing to overcome the desire it what will lead to recovery!

 

Thanks, interesting. I have been actually following rule two, without knowing it's a rule

 

If admiring is the same as objectifying then I would say pass on it. I think we need to reboot our minds, I think it is this sexual objectification that causes my social anxiety, I don't have it so much when I'm talking to guys if at all, part of this I think is to how I objectify a cute looking girl.

So my advice would be to avoid such action. Try and maintain eye contact but don't find your mind wandering into sexual thoughts. It will speed up the reboot.

 

I cant do it might have to choose those two options,if I stare too long I will start to fanstaize and that leads to all kind of problems for me.

 

Life's beautiful.. If I see a nice woman i check her out as long as i want. i wont fall back into PMO routines because of that. I find that rebooting is great because srs young people are fucked up and they know shit about that but there comes a point where it's just too much.. like not fantasizing about women.. 3 sec rules etc.. there is no way that if would look at a women for 20sec that this will hinder your reboot.

 

Wish I could like, hashtag, and propaganda the sh°t outta this comment

 

This is something I've been thinking about: in order to be honest, when you meet a woman that seems to have a very good potential to be worth of starting to try to meet better and maybe aim for a relationship... is there always a "she's a nice lady I would like to have sex with in the future" thought? Or is it just me that think that bad thought?

In few words: If you like somebody to potentially become your girlfriend, do you think it is normal to think for yourself about sex with that person at the very beginning, when you just realize that this person seems to be "interesting" to start a potentially "special" friendship?

I find this feeling improper since I'm planning not to have sex until marriage.

 

For me looking at beatiful women is not doing much good, because my ego is like "why can't I have a girl like that?" and it could lead me to fantasize and relapse.

 

Exactly. Seeing a beautiful woman and acknowledging her as a potential mate is a simple biological mental process that has been handed down in our genes. You can't help it!

 

It would seem to me that at some point you're going to have to deal with women, (be they beautiful or not), at some point. I would think fantasizing about women you meet in the outside world seems pretty normal. I don't think that unless you want to take the path of complete celibacy, appreciation or fantasy of women is necessarily a bad thing. I guess it's your call in the end. You're going to have to ask yourself if appreciating women is a trait that you visualize in the strongest version of yourself.

 

Since I've started trying to reboot, I have noticed that I have a rather...regrettable problem. I am going to call it "porn eyes". I will be out and about and see pretty woman, however when I am looking at her I am not truly seeing the woman, though I think I am.

No, thanks to porn eyes, I what I see is a pair of breasts, and a vagina with legs. Now this is a bit of an exaggeration to make clear what I have noticed. Stepping back from that image to something closer to what is going through my mind is more like this.

"Ooo nice curves.", this is then followed up with images of what she must look like naked.

I must stress that I was not even aware of the extent of these thoughts till I was trying to reboot because it wasn't until then that I was fully examining my behavior.

My advice to you is to go ahead and appreciate the beauty that is life and nature. This includes the female form. But don't objectify. From your description you are objectifying women which is linked to porn eyes. Lets be honest, you cannot go through life with blinders on and not see women. What you need to do is train yourself not to see women as objects.

I hope this helps.