Adult with emotional/physical attraction to younger girls

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by skyheart, Dec 8, 2014.

  1. skyheart

    skyheart Fapstronaut

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    I'm so in my head about an issue. I am in a single guy in my late 20s. I used to work with high school kids at my church, and I currently work in a doctors office that has a lot of athletes from the high school.

    Ever since I can remember, I have been physically attracted to younger women. When I was 23-24, I'd be attracted to the 18 year old girls that I worked with at a local juice shop. Now, I'm 28 and I still find myself staring at younger high school girls along the street, at my job, or at high school events that I volunteer at. I also live on the west coast where every girl looks like a model and shows a ton of skin.

    I lost my vigrinity when I was 14, to an older woman. I'm wondering if there is a correlation between this and my inability to stop being attracted to younger girls.

    The attraction isn't always physical. Sometimes I will create an emotional type of connection with a high school girl and I have to retrain my brain to tell myself it's not okay behavior. This happened just last weekend - I was speaking to some high school kids, and an 18 year old girl seemed to show interest in me. I began to have the same emotional thought pattern that I would if I would be trying to get with a woman in a reasonable age range.

    Before I found this site and did my first 90 days, I used to use social media to check out pictures of the girls I met. I don't do that currently, but I have still think about some of them when I M.

    I'm concerned about this thought process, and I'm not sure what to do. I know my heart is good, but my brain needs to follow. I want to be ready to commit with my mind and heart to my partner when she comes into my life. I pray and meditate every morning that my sexuality will be restored to health. Men...any advice on how to navigate these difficult emotions and thoughts??
    I feel better exposing the secret if nothing else.
     
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  2. MelancholyWeightlifter

    MelancholyWeightlifter Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Is volunteering at these events necessary? Try to limit contact with them. Don't talk to them. Control your thoughts, don't dwell or fantasize. You can't stop a bird from landing on your head, but you can stop it from making a nest.
     
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  3. skyheart

    skyheart Fapstronaut

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    True. I don't usually volunteer at those events. I have a harder time at work where half of the patients are younger. My schedule changes to during school hours next year so that should be helpful.

    What suggestions do you have for not fantasizing? I feel like I just get so sucked in..
     
  4. KrmGrn

    KrmGrn Fapstronaut

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    I wear a rubber band (a similar elastic band or bracelet works too) on my wrist and lightly snap it whenever I start fantasizing. It works very well for me. It helps me stop before I indulge in the fantasy. Try it out and see if it works for you.
     
  5. MelancholyWeightlifter

    MelancholyWeightlifter Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Think of something positive, something else. Willpower and self discipline are really the only ways to stop fantasizing.
     
  6. Your brain might be telling you: "It's wrong! What the fuck are you doing?" But your eyes say: "I REALLY wanna pound the shit outta that!" It's normal. I feel the same way some time. Hell, my dad is 50 and pretty conservative. But he notices them when they walk by. Be cool around them. Treat them like you would treat any beautiful woman. Because if you don't you end up being that disingenuous guy that's being some phony actor instead of being yourself.

    You're not trying to pick them up. But it's like if there's an elephant in the room and you're talking normally as if everything were the same old same old. Notice that when you're with a young girl who isn't all that attractive you don't get these guilt trips. This is because your eyes can't tell this is a 16-17 year old. All they see is a young, smoking hot chick with cleavage and a precocious purity about her.
     
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2014
  7. MelancholyWeightlifter

    MelancholyWeightlifter Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    What are you trying to advise Death Mettle? I think you should definitely be a phony actor if you are around UNDERAGE girls that you feel attracted to.
     
  8. Nate008

    Nate008 Fapstronaut

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    I disagree with death metal, it may be common for guys to check out girls regardless of age, but it's not healthy. I'm not judging man, I'm just saying you are right to be concerned.

    I'm on day 38 of hard mode - the only thing that had helped is not allowing any type of fantasy. You may not be able to stop from noticing a pretty girl, but do not allow your mind to go further. I use a 3 second rule, I have 3 seconds to eject the thought once It pops into my head, if I dont, I consider it a relapse.

    I struggled with issues like this and worse, but have been free of it for almost 40 days, and it's really freeing. It has to be stopped before the thought can gain traction. 3 seconds or less.
     
  9. KrmGrn

    KrmGrn Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, I work with teenagers, and some of them are gorgeous and if I'm honest have sexy bodies. But I do not let myself fantasize about that. If I start to check them out, I stop myself. I won't go there. There's nothing good that can result from that. For me, it's off limits. You just have to make the choice not to do that. And make the choice over and over and over again. Eventually it becomes a habit, it becomes easier, but you have to make the choice.

    We're not animals that have no control over ourselves. Noticing an attractive woman may be instinctive and you may have no control over that initial noticing, but it is in your power not to stare, not to continue checking them out, not to fantasize, etc.
     
  10. I AM NOT condoning trying to smash 17-year olds. I'm just saying be up front with it. Don't internalize it. They'll figure it out in the long-run anyway when you're unable to have a conversation with them because you're afraid you might accidentally RAPE them!
     
  11. IGY

    IGY Guest

    "Accidentally RAPE them"! That doesn't even make sense and is a crass thing to say Progressive Death Mettle.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 9, 2014
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  12. IGY

    IGY Guest

    There is no issue as long as the teenagers are not below the age of consent.
     
  13. skyheart

    skyheart Fapstronaut

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    I started this today. See if we can create a habit and recondition this way. May take some time as I've had these thoughts and feelings for some time now.

    I don't even think I realized that the fantasy was the worst part about the whole process. It's just such a natural place I've allowed my head (and my eyes) to go...

    Thank y'all for all the input and dialogue-keep em coming. It helps to know that I'm not going through these thoughts and feelings alone..
     
  14. KrmGrn

    KrmGrn Fapstronaut

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    Yeah man, you're not alone. We're all in this together.
     
  15. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

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    That's not a cool thing to say.

    ~Squeaky Soul
     
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