Advice after a break up

Hello Everybody,

I am 30 years old, virgin, i come from a conservative culture from the middle east and currently i live in Berlin, Germany. I started watching porn from the age of 16. In my religion it's a sin so every single time i masturbated or watched porn i felt very guilty. At first i used to do it once a month then once every 3 weeks then 2-3 times a week.

Due the the Economic/ Political instabilities i had to move to live in Germany. The last 4 years of my life were very very tough. I had to work hard, study for Masters degree, learn the German language and working part time jobs. After all the hard work, i found a job and i started to look a partner.

Always my goal was to stop watching porn for religious and ethical reasons. The last 4 months was able to stop it between 2 or 3 weeks then i slip. Then i reset and starts again.

During this process, I fall in love with a German girl who i believed that we were for each other (we had the same religion, she speaks my language and i speak her language, etc.) I reached my greatest strike which was 3 weeks Sober because i was really in love with her and when i am in love i really don't think about porn.

One time she confessed to me that she is not a virgin and she is bisexual, immediately i confessed to her that i am a virgin, porn addict and i attend the 12 steps program to recover. She told me "I will ask for a divorce if the person whom i am going to marry has erectile dysfunction" i answered immediately and honestly "I said of course that's your right". In another date, I also told her that i am one week without porn and she asked how many times i do it on average. I said on average once a week. She told me then you are not an addict. I replied that i think i am, because according to Professor Weiss It's not the quantity, it's the quality.

We met 2 times after she travelled for a vacation then suddenly she broke up with me... My heart were very broken. Honestly i don't know if watching porn is the problem or not, she didn't mention why (She said the regular things - it's not you, it's me) but inside of me i felt the shame. I never contacted her after the break up but I still love her and i really wish to call her and to check on her but at the same time i know that i have to respect her decision.

I know that a lot of women feel very disgusted from men who watches porn and they feel disrespected in a way or another. But i never meant to harm anyone and i totally was honest with her because i wanted to be a good husband. I start to have panic attacks that "What if my sexual performance wasn't good enough and what if this .... and what if that...." I even went to do a blood hormone analysis to check my testosterone level. The doctor told me that the result is okay and everything is fine with me. For the first time in my entire life i started experiencing deep Anxiety. Every time i remember these issues i relapse.

I would love to know your feedback especially from a women's prospective. Should i contact her after 3 months of break up? Do you think i am a very bad person?

P.S: please forgive me, if my grammer is not that good