Advice for how to help my husband?

Understanding the Gospel, God covering our shame through forgiveness, understanding our new identity in Christ as well as living in a deep, constant relationship with him are obviously the most important things we have to do.
Apart from that, an accountability partner or better an accountability group have been incredibly helpful for me, especially when dealing with failure and shame. The group reminds me that I am not alone in this fight, and whenever I fall, my partners remind me of the grace of God and pray for me to get back up again. He is surely welcome to join us

Regarding an accountability software, I can recommend "Covenant Eyes". The even have a porn site blocker function for some extra cost. The books which I read, suggested that having the spouse as accountability partner could be tricky because it brings a culture of suspicion into the marriage. For this reason, I don't have my wife, but a good friend as my accountability partner in Covenant Eyes. (I'm still very open about this to my wife, she doesn't need to see the details ) I don't know if Covenant Eyes works with VPN though.

For more thoughts, feel free to read through my "roadmap to freedom": https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/roadmap-to-freedom.271429/

[edit: What is SO group?]

 

Maybe read Songs of Solomon with your husband
There's even a dramatized audio version: You may try karezza or whatnot, it's very intimate so just trust and love God before all.
Nature, walks in forest, fields, lake, etc. can really help !

 

I definitely recommend a support group environment to your husband. We cannot do this alone.

Also, he must want it. If only you want freedom for him, he will never get free. He must want it for himself.

Pride is the killer. It is very hard, but it must go. A proud man cannot surrender his life to Christ.

Accountable2You has its own VPN that also acts as a filter and/or reporting tool. I can highly recommend their service. I have used it for over five years on a wide variety of devices.

I lied to my wife about my PMO for the first 15 years of our marriage, so I know how terribly betrayed you might feel. I can also tell you that recovery for both him and your marriage is possible.

If this group or me personally can ever be of encouragement or support to your husband, please let him know that he is welcome here. I pray God's peace and comfort on your union and on your home.

 

If he does not use forums, what about messengers like whatsapp, discord, etc? For example, my accountability group is on whatsapp, but I also know several groups which are on discord. (I think the link is even somewhere in this Christian subforum )

I know what he is talking about. If I tell you specifically to not think about a blue elephant, what will you think about? In the same way, it can be helpful to not focus too much on "not watching porn", especially if he is "almost free" already.
But I believe that the other side is true as well. For healing, it is also necessary to talk about it and adress the related issues, develop strategies, etc.

I think that the Bible has a very healthy balance here. On the one hand, it tells us to confess our sins (i.e. "talk about it") as well as take specific actions in order to fight against it, but also not to focus on our sin, but on our relationship with Christ. Both is needed, and we need to have the right balance.
(I can also recommend the christian youtube channel called brohoshaphat. He talks about all the different aspects of no-porn lifestyle. It has been very helpful to me and is also fun to watch )

Also, I want to emphasize what @Tao Jones said about the pride. We need to lay down our pride and surrender to Jesus totally if we want to win this fight.

 

Neither CE nor A2U require you to use their browsers. I am also an IT pro, and I have found A2U very solid. It cannot be deactivated or removed without sending an alert. It monitors everything on the device it is installed on. It can be configured to alert on just about anything, so problem areas can be specifically addressed. It is what I recommend to other IT pros. Of course, like anything else, it can be bypassed in clever ways by a sufficiently motivated person. But is that really what he wants?

My wife has never served as my AP for my A2U reports, by her own request. If your husband would like a male AP for that, he can feel welcome to reach out to me or other men here. I have about 12 men who currently receive my reports.

Here is the truth: Freedom will cost us something. You're talking about not being able to modify your home network due to access to high-speed gaming. Would you be willing to sacrifice that in order for him to get free? Would he? I was trapped in PMO for 25 years. When I woke up to the fact that I was drowning, I quit my 20-year IT career and become a plumber so that I could get away from P. I left PCs and smartphones behind for about two years in order to break the hold it had over my mind. I took a 60% pay cut while raising a young family. It was a costly decision -- and one of the best I have ever made.

What are you both willing to give up in exchange for freedom? The deeper and cleaner the cut to remove PMO from one's life, the quicker the healing can begin.

 

I recommend you check out the A2U web site to investigate further. Their customer support is very helpful and responsive.

As I said, freedom will cost us something. For myself, I have decided it is worth sacrificing some privacy in order to get and stay free. I do not hide any of my activity online from my APs.

You and your husband will have to decide what works for you. I wish you both the best and again extend the invitation to your husband to join our community. Onward toward Christ!

 

Hi there!

I just wanted to jump in and see if I can offer my perspective on how you can help your husband walk in freedom here.

I'm currently preparing to be married in 5 months and fighting to be free of PMO before that time. As many others have said here, your husband must desire to be free more than anything else. He needs to take this fight seriously, and must be willing to do whatever is necessary for the future of your marriage and family.

With that said, its much easier said than done. I personally have a few local accountability partners at my church that I stay in contact with, but my fiancé isn't in-the-loop much about my fight; she just knows that I'm fighting. I don't like to keep her updated on the particulars, because I know it makes her feel very insecure. I know that for us, discussing the details of my fight will do more harm than good.

What I believe may help your husband, if you're willing to be his accountability partner until he can get locked in with some other Christian men, is for you to over-communicate your willingness to help him fight. The shame he battles regularly, if its anything like mine, can be unbearable. Let him know that he can tell you when he's feeling tempted so that you can pray for him right there, in the moment. Let him know that he can tell you when he's stumbled so that you can celebrate him confessing his sin and again, pray for him to be healed.

I realize that this must sound very difficult for you to do, and I would never put this on my fiancé, but thankfully I have other brothers to lean on. So while you fight for your husband, ask the Lord to bring strong Christian men along his path to take the burden for you. My church is where I found my accountability partners, so I'd recommend starting there if you haven't already

 

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