Advice needed

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Dying4change, Mar 13, 2017.

  1. Dying4change

    Dying4change Fapstronaut

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    Hi,
    I've been addicted for a long time and it's getting worse and worse. I used to do it once a week maybe. It turned to every 4 days then every 3 days and now ever 2 days. I don't want to do this everyday! But i cant stop. As soon as an urge come i just do it. No care nothing. Also I'm home schooled and all my friends are really busy so i don't see people often. My addiction has ruined my life and today I ended up saying i give up. I really don't want to but sometimes i feel like i cant beat it because i need it and i know its not true but I'm sure someone can relate. I need help. I need to stop. Can anyone help?
     
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  2. Alisa

    Alisa Fapstronaut

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    D4C, if you are being home-schooled, then that means you are pretty young. The only reason I mention this is because you are likely at an age where you are trying to figure out who you are. Now, when you add the pressure of self-discovery to puberty, you're looking at a really rough period in life.

    The other thing that is happening is that you are being brought up in an age when it is easier for a minor to access hardcore porn than it is for that minor to buy cigarettes, literally.

    So, what can you do?

    I don't have an easy fix for you, but I do have some advice:
    • Realize that there is no easy "fix." Walking through addiction at any age requires that you be of the mindset that you are actively on a journey - one with ups and downs, good times and bad times, easy days and days that are as hard as hell.
    • Realize that what is happening with you is normal. In other words, there is nothing wrong with you. Absolutely nothing. The intensity of what you feel - both emotionally and physically are absolutely natural.
    • Understand that you and your body are changing. The LAST thing that you want to do is disengage YOUR MIND during this time. You need to be conscious of what you are feeling, when you are feeling, why you are feeling, etc. If you do not start to connect with your mind, you will continue this progression of processing all of your emotions (happy, sad, frustrated, celebratory, excited...) through your sex drive. When you connect with your mind, you will start to understand WHAT you are feeling and WHY. Then, you will be empowered to do something about it.
    For instance, if you are lonely, instead of turning to your addiction (which is a trap), admit that you are lonely, then make a decision as to what to do about it.

    If you are anxious, instead of turning to your addiction (which is a trap), admit that you are anxious, then make a decision as to what to do about it.

    If you received good news and you want to celebrate, acknowledge that and make a decision as to what to do about it.

    This advice may seem trite in the face of such strong physical and emotional turmoil that you must face when trying to stop addictive behavior, but I assure that this works. I would also recommend that you connect with the guys on this site. Talk through your issues with them. Also, take time to yourself and process your emotions. (Being healthy mentally is not a nerdy thing to do. It is a very mature thing to do.)

    The more crap that you work through, the less that crap will build up inside of you and serve as a trigger for you to run to addiction.
     
  3. Dying4change

    Dying4change Fapstronaut

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    That really did help. Thanks a lot. Btw I'm going to university this year xD but we had a few problems so i had to stay at home this year. But thanks for the advice. I'm gonna use that for sure.
     
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  4. Grow_out_of_it

    Grow_out_of_it Fapstronaut

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    @Dying4change I totally understand what your are going through. From Jan 2016 to 15th April 2016 I pmoed everyday roughly 3-5 times a day. At that time I was not even aware what I was doing like it had become a routine. I was not even thinking about it anymore. It had become so regular that whenever I used to get phone in my hands in my free time my fingers would involuntarily open up the browser even if I took the phone to see my notifications. I never understood that it had completely corrupted and fucked my brain at that point until later when I was going to appear for one of exam and I could not stop wasting time on p and actually start studying. I hardly took out time to study because in my brain the first priority was set to pmoing. And after the results which was obvious I fucked up my exams I realized it had to stop. But it was very difficult to do that. The first day I abstained to watch porn I was not able to sleep and my mind had convinced me that if you jerk off to porn you can sleep well and within 24 hrs of it I did it and at this moment I was frustrated because all the following days I used to say to my self that from today I will not do it and end up doing it and this continued for good 4 to 5 months and there was nothing I was able to do about it. But in reality that was not the case the only problem I had was I didn't wanted to stop it. The lack of willingness to stop it fueled my addiction and I kept on doing it. In Feb 2017 I came across this forum I must call this God's blessing because now I know that there are many people facing the same problem like me (even in some cases worse than me!) are not giving up and me on the other side backed out, why? Then I decided this is it you have got the opportunity and you have to take advantage of it otherwise the only person responsible for your screwed up life will be you and now one will offer you help because you kicked the opportunity you got at the first place.
    And now today I'm 30 days clean no pmo whatsoever.
    Not that I dont have urges or not that my brain signals me to look at P but the correct mindset and determination of not doing it has got me so far and also all the people here in the forum who are struggling like me have made it possible. You might feel 30 days is not a big achievement but for a person who wanked to porn 4 times a day everyday its like climbing the Mount Everest.
    I hope this helps you out. Also you have got a good insight on dealing with addiction by @Alisa which very important.
    That's what I like about the people here they are very kind and helpful and I used it to my advantage to leave pmo behind.
    I believe that you will get through this rough patch and transform into a better version of yourself which everyone will be proud of. I have faith in you. Keep smiling and stay happy. My best wishes for your coming years in university and also for leaving behind a bad habit.
    :)
     
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  5. Alisa

    Alisa Fapstronaut

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    I am relatively new to this site, but it is posts like this that really impress me about NoFap. Thank you for being open and honest about your personal story, @Grow_out_of_it , and congratulations on 30 days. I wish you much success on your journey.
     
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  6. Grow_out_of_it

    Grow_out_of_it Fapstronaut

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    Thank you @Alisa. I can do anything as far as possible to help out people leave their addiction. I'm thankful if my story inspired anyone to get a better life. :)
     
    Last edited: Mar 14, 2017
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  7. Icyweb

    Icyweb Fapstronaut

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    I really can't top the advice already given, so I'll just throw in this practical tip. What you experience with giving in to an urge the moment you feel it is a compulsive behavior, and can be helped by relacing it with a harmless tic instead. Something like a sentence or phrase that you can repeat a few time. Something inspiring or challenging, a prayer, something like that. If you're more responsive to touch than thought, you can put your forefinger and thumb on opposite sides of your arm and pinch. The idea here is to just replace the compulsion to masturbate with something neutral or healthy, so don't do anything painful.
     
  8. quit4life

    quit4life Fapstronaut

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    Every 2 days? That's less. I used to do it 3 times a day, lmao. It hurts, badly. It's better not to do this shit. It ruins you health both physically and mentally. Yes you will feel you can't beat it, because your real you has been knocked out by PMO. But that is the only way to recover right? The only way.. If you want to recover, you have got to fight, there is no option available. Someone else can't fight for you. Well my friend, gather your arms and fight this.
    You can find helpful and efficient tips to do so here at the forums.
     
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  9. Alisa

    Alisa Fapstronaut

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    Great advice, Icyweb.
     
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  10. Dying4change

    Dying4change Fapstronaut

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    I'm really thankful for people like you to help me when I'm down. I just have one question.. what did you do when the urges kicked in?
     
  11. Dying4change

    Dying4change Fapstronaut

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    I'll definitely try that. Also. I read your updates on your page about how youre getting through this and it's really good. I don't know if they old or not but they're inspiring because it help us know there are people like us struggling but wanting freedom
     
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