Advice on a courtship conundrum

Nice approach honestly. You’ve laid a base down, you’ve built rapport and you are not overbearing.
Now let me be clear about this one. In my opinion, you’ve got about 1 more visit before 1 of 2 things happen.
- 1. She sees you as just a friend/friendly customer
- 2. She begins so see you in kind of a creepy way and will pull away quickly.

Here is why. There is a strong chance that she knows full well that you are already interested in her. Your next moves will tell her everything she needs to know about you. If you put yourself out there to either be rejected or be accepted, either way, it’s a noble and respectable thing. You are saying to her and the whole room I don’t care if I look like a fool right now, I think your beautiful and I want you to know it and I want to take you on a date. It’s assertive and it shows strength of character.
On the other hand if you continue to go in there and flirt with her but never build enough courage to ask her out, what does that say to her about you? Because remember she doesn’t know you at all. So everything she has to guess off of a few moments you guys have had together.

There is a strong chance that she is already well aware that your attracted to her. I wouldn’t look too much into the other stuff about her being sick that day or whatever at all. Seriously just put it out of your mind because in all truth it doesn’t matter. Does it? No it doesn’t. The bottom line is this. Get in there and give it your absolute best attempt and no matter how it plays out be proud that you did. If she accepts that’s amazing. If she doesn’t then you need to hold full confidence that she simply isn’t the one for you and that is fully ok.

What you don’t want to do is to keep wandering in and around that shop too timid to actually go for it. You don’t get the lady that way and you don’t get the honor of being fully and truly bold and alive, even if you get denied. The fact you are man enough to go do it and put yourself out there demands respect because your doing it from a place of genuine interest. (Your not some playboy who asks every woman out with no interest in the long term)

The last thing you want to do is play some kind of chasing game with a shy girl- at her work! No no no, it’s not going to go the way you think. She’s not going to chase you ok I guarantee it. Thats your mind trying to find tricky ways to not step up to the plate and swing the bat.(baseball reference haha). So plan what your going to say, go over it in the mirror, and then go in there with conviction! When you leave you are going to have a definite answer as to if she likes you or not. And no matter what that answer is you stepped up and you can move through your life without regret. No shame even in rejection because that’s part of the process man. Nothing good comes cheap or easy!

 

never waist that much time to know if a woman is interested in you. Attraction is not a choice, or she is interested or not. Go and talk to a woman for 10 minutes and see how the interaction goes. if she is interested in you the conversation is going to flow, she is going to put effort to keep it going, she is going to give you long response, she is going to ask you personal questions, her body language of course is going to reveal that she is engaged in talking to you.

Bad way to go. The friend route doesn't work. You put yourselve in friendzone from the get go. Always go after you want without fear, don't try to go under the radar and reveal your interest later. It work in movies, it doesn't work in real life.

When a woman is interested and attracted to you she is going to be automatically confortable with you. You don't need to make her be confortable with you. Or she is attracted or she is not. No matter how much you try to convince her, if she is not attracted, she is going to be no attracted no matter what.

Ask her out on a date and you can figure that out while you both have fun together.

This was the rigth move, but you could see attraction wasn't there from her part. Most of the time woman are not going to be attracted to us, it is just the way it is. Let her go and go and talk to another woman, and another. Eventually your are going to find one that is happy to talk tou you because she is just attracted to you.

The first one is positive, the 2nd can be submisive because she like you are afraid because she is scared of you.

This is a bad sign. Woman that are into you are going to look at their best, not matter if her chest is small. She is going to naturally show more skin to you.

This are good signs but remember that her jobs consist in been warm with costumers.

It can be from talking to you or because you brougth donations.

Woman know when we are interested in them. She knew were your questions were going (and probably she is constantly hit by guys just for the fact that she work with clients) so she cutted the conversation short.

Yes it was. Woman are emotional creatures, they don't want to hurt your feelings so they will tell you white little lies to reject you in the less harming way.

When a woman is into you she is going to make it really clear to you. If you have any doubt then she is probably not into you. In this case it can be what you think, she is a little worried you become a creepy stalker.

It's clear she is not into you. Move on, when a woman is attractive to you, it's going to be really easy to know.

No, move on with your life. She is just not into you and is kind of scared you are a creep at this point.

Make your donations or buy books from another store. You are not probably welcome there anymore.

Next time you are attracted to a woman, go and talk to her. If she make the effort to keep the conversation ask for her phone number or ask her out in the evening. Make you intentions with her clear. If she is into you she is going to make it easy for you. She is going to be glad to go on a date with you or give you her phone.
But if she is not into you, the conversation is going to be short and boring, she is not going to give you her phone (or give it to you then ghost you later) or she can avoid it by giving you her social media account or tell you she have a boyfriend or she is not ready for a relationship.. etc
This way with only one interaction you know if she is into you or not. You are not going to waist months thinking about her, avoid been tag as a creepy stalker and also avoid been put in friendzone by woman.

 

Make a move. Invite her to have a coffee or so and ask for her number. Be friendly, don't be pushy, and remember that rejection is a possibility. Invite her to do something simple in which she doesn't feel trapped and of where she can leave whenever she wants (a dinner may be too intimate). Don't try to make her fall in love. Just enjoy the coffee and get to know each other. If everythings goes well, invite her again to another plan, and so.
Know her and let her know you before getting too romantic or intimate. She might consider it pushy or creepy.

 

I think most of it is covered already. It is hard to know just by reading but my understanding is that you might have creeped her out when she came up with an excuse to get away. To me it seems like you are maybe taking this too seriously and are being too polite.

You dont have any definite answers if she likes you or not yet. She might have just been friendly towards you since it is her job after all. The only way you can be sure is to make a bold move and show her that you are interested. Have you ever touched her? If you touch her and she turns away in horror, you got your answer. If she responds well or neutral, ask her if she is free after work.

If she rejects you, respect her choice and move on. You run the risk of rejection but more often than not she will respect you more if you make a move. You got nothing to loose. Getting rejected really isn't that bad. It doesn't mean you are a bad person. It just means that this girl wasn't the right one for you.

 

My Dear Fellow-

Get it over with! Ask her to her face if she wants to come out with you to a coffee shop or somewhere public. Put on the ol' Vanquisher12 charm!

If the answer is no, never bother her again except in the context of customer and employee. She probably has a boyfriend - the pretty ones almost always do. But get thee to it!

And if yes, please tell us how it goes!

Wishing you all the very best, and may the energy of Don Juan, Casanova, Porfirio Rubirosa, Rasputin and Robert Plant follow you all of your days.

PS The longer you wait, the more of a creep you become, no offense, please. She has known from the start that you've got the hots for her. A lot of guys do. She's cute. She's employed. She's female. She exists! Move in, soldier. That's an order!

 

Read all of it and to be honest I dont think she is all that into you but that has more to do with your approach than you as a person. It is nothing wrong in being friendly towards girls but it is also important to start flirting the moment you meet her. Just talking will always get you nowhere. Innocent touches to test the waters is usually a good place to start. If she is interested she will let you know soon after you have started flirting with her. Thats when you invite her out or ask for her number.

I mean you got nothing to loose by asking her out now. If nothing else, consider it practice. I would also advice you to start flirting with girls you meet. As long as you find them somewhat attractive. Make it your second nature to flirt with everyone.

I think your Yoda quote was pretty spot on.

I have a few book recommendations too: No more mr.nice guy, the power of now, the compund effect. Read up on body language cues and work on improving yourself. There are several ways to go about it.

Even if you think your humor is decent, you can watch stand up comedians at work and see if that makes it easier for you. I did that myself and I consider myself above average funny nowadays.

Also touching is an important part of flirting. Make sure to touch girls more. You are probably not doing it right or enough.

You could also practice on improving your own body language. Chances are that you have some bad habits like crossing your arms for example. If you can avoid stuff like that, you can change the way people look at you.

Not much more to say really. Just practice taking more chances. You cant talk girls into liking you. You have to show them.

 

This. Ask out woman that are happy to talk to you and make the effort to keep the conversation alive. They are probably into you and you are probably going to have a great time with them.
Don't waist time with woman that are not enthusiast about talking to you like this woman.

 

yea those restrictions suck. It is the same deal over here and it have crippled most of my social life for almost 2 years now. It is not an easy task to pull of a date in the current environment under the conditions you have described.

It is a symptom of modern society really. PMO in combination with all this me2 stuff and a lot of young people lacking a proper male role model makes us think that we should never touch a woman or that we should "threat her with respect". Not that respecting a woman is a bad thing. You should absolutely respect her but dont be afraid of making a move.

Low risk touches are stuff like touching someones shoulder, palm of her hand, elbow or lower arm. This is something a friend would do and is generally accepted everywhere.

This is sort of the entry point into flirting. It is supposed to be playful. By these first innocent touches you can get a lot of information about her interest levels in you. If she responds by touching you back or the response is positive then that is usually a sign that she wants you to do more of that.

Neutral responses can be a little more tricky but it generally means that she thinks it is ok that you touch her or that she dont mind you touching her in a friendly manner.

Usually just gradually and casually increase the bar. If she gets uncomfortable at any point then she will pull away or stop you. It is quite common to kiss a girl on the first or second date nowadays. That means that if a girl is into you, she will usually allow you to escalate quite quickly.

I suspect you need to go way out of your comfort zone for a while to get truly successful with women. It will feel totally unnatural at first but just keep practicing until you get it right.

 

wow...what you just wrote, esp the second response, reeeeally resonated with me.

 

Bro, all that effort is Not worth it. Just spin plates. No one woman is that special that requires all that focused Herculean effort. I just cringe when I hear of super long dissertations like this. Don’t take it personal bro, just my observation. Men need to be more selfish in 2021 and not less.

 

Sounds good. I was also afraid of touching girls at all before. Now I think I am almost overdoing it. Touching just requires practice. A girl will very rarely reject your touches if she seems interested in the first place. Most girls will reject you politely if anything so it is nothing to worry about. And assertive is a key word here. My sticking point right now is kissing a girl before the window closes. This is why nofap is so important. How can I truly respect a girl if I keep watching twisted videos and have to fake a kiss because I am not feeling it?

 

So, did you ask her out for coffee?

 

In the end, what ever works. For better or for worse. Every situation is different so there's no one set script (well, except maybe for something divine). I can say with my girlfriend opportunities presented themselves and I took them. If you are mature enough and she is for you then you'll see the opportunities and take them. Keep it simple. Ask her out for coffee the next time you see her. If she says yes, that will naturally lead to asking for her number. In my opinion, there's nothing else you need to concern yourself with at this point. To end off, life does not follow our script. The "her" may or may not be that lady you chatted with at the shop.