Advice on how to stay in the present

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Recovering PA, Apr 13, 2018.

  1. Recovering PA

    Recovering PA Fapstronaut


    I am writing for advice from guys and gals on here on good practices to stay what I would like to refer to as "well". By this I mean keep on track not faping over prolonged time. I have heard a couple of members do certain things every day as a reminder/ stay in the moment or words to that effect. I am feeling well but I'm also concerned that in the future I may get cocky or forget the lessons I have learnt and would like some practiced and effectivemethods of keeping myself in check.

    I already meditate and thought this could be adapted but not sure how. I do not want to take any steps backwards as I feel I have made a great deal of progress. My thoughts onthis are similar to AA program.

    I am also attempting to get to see a sex therapist to see if that helps also.

    Please what works, share your ideas.
  2. WilliamofRubruck

    WilliamofRubruck Fapstronaut

    Hey there,

    Staying in the moment can be difficult for us. I've struggled with it throughout my addiction years. My mind is oriented toward the past (e.g., failures, resentments), the future (e.g., potential failures, daydreaming about ideals), or short-term gratifications (e.g., PMO, alcohol, entertainment) that can quell my discomfort. I've never understood how people can sit down and set there mind to a task without wandering. In turn, I have found that I'm alienated from myself. Whether it be my breath, bodily feelings, the world of the senses, momentary thoughts, larger patterns of thinking, my familial and social network etc., I've discovered that I'm not actually very in tune with how I "am" in the world.

    Lately, a few practices have really helped. The most important principle is discipline - repetitive action effects change, not periodic moments of insight. I've taken to all-day meditation as described in Thich Naht Hanh's "The Miracle of Mindfulness." The idea is to always be aware of one's breath and what one is doing in the moment (most fundamentally, breathing). It took a long time for me to internalize this exercise, but it's part of my everyday experience now. Being aware of my breath keeps me rooted in all the associated patterns of my mind - my self-centeredness, my tendency to procrastinate and self-isolate, etc. - which helps me to remain humble of the challenges I face, but also mindful that these are behaviors that I want to change and can change by continuing to consciously work on myself. Furthermore, following my breath reminds me to slow down and enjoy things that are in front of me: do I really need to read this news article while I enjoy my coffee? Especially if reading that article detracts from my experience of drinking that coffee (or vice versa)? I have found that this practice enhances my experiences, keeps me in the moment, and actually helps to hone my ability to concentrate. It doesn't work magic, but there are noticeable differences.

    The practice of constant meditation, coupled with other programs of action, has vastly improved my life. I'm still at the beginning of a period of big change where I try to sort out my shit so I'm reluctant to throw out recommendations. But constant meditation helps keep me from getting "cocky" or letting my guard down. It also helped lead me to the realization that porn was a disruptive influence in my life - and here I am! Anyway, I'm going to leave it at that. Hope something I said helps or at least prompts fruitful discussion.

    Duellant and Recovering PA like this.
  3. Duellant

    Duellant Fapstronaut

    Great post! Very helpful.
    Recovering PA likes this.

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