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Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Coco99, Feb 18, 2020.
Yeah, I felt comfortable knowing that she talks to me the most out of everyone there. I just have to take the next step and build off this momentum I guess. I don't yet know if she has social media. I wanted to ask for her number somehow but I couldn't think of a bridge question on the spot.
Thanks man. I think it was more awkward for me, I just kept thinking in my mind" what am I going to say next to continue to get her to talk". Then I started to worry about my "posture, eye contact etc" as I didn't want her to think I was nervous. My subconscious mind always does this, I know I should of focused on the conversation itself more than worry about these other things.I think I can, I'm just focused on the right opportunity I think and don't want to make it awkward . I was thinking of making it a challenge and ask her " I will buy you a drink if you can out box me" something like that. I just want it come off natural i guess
There is one thing you most understand you do not have that much control on the situation you could do everything perfect and yet still be rejected For some reason.
The problem here is your fear of rejection. Even if she rejects you, life goes on. She is not the Only girl you ll Ever met so dont worry too much.
NobodY is perfect
Update: So we partnered up the other day. She just came up to me and wanted asked if I had a partner and just wanted to partner up for the class.. I am slowly getting more comfortable maintaining eye contact with her and just teasing her about small things. Right when she came up to me, shes like "your hair looks different", and she touched it and goes "I need to cut mine". I was like "let me cut it for you" as a joke and she responds by saying "No thanks, You will probably make me look like a clown". I don't know if I should read anything into her touching my hair.. Either she thinks of me as a comfortable friend or she kinda likes me. I just hope I can build on this within a couple of weeks and naturally get her number.
Hair touching is a good sign. Complimenting it and touching is a very good sign. She was pro hinting for a compliment when she started talking about your hair. Also, if she allways wants to spa with you, and not the others, she feels safe with you.
That is also a plus.
Some good dating approach is to treat her like she is into you unless proven otherwize.
First thing I will ask myself here is:
Is the goal just for her to exept you?
Or is it to get to know her?
If it is the latter I would do one of two things.
1. During your next spa, ask her of you can ask her something personal. If yes.
(she is going to expect you asking her something very personal, or weard)
Ask her then if she prefers guys to take her for very fancy coffee at a very fancy place or take away coffee in the park(put your own twist on this, what is suitable in your country/situation)
See, now you are talking about her coffee and dating preferences and not you dating her. If she is not into you she wil try to shrup the question. If she is, she wil answer, prob be a bit self aware and talk about some dating experience and probably ask you why?
The awenswer.. O, because I would like to take you for coffee next week after( or whenever)
If she says yes... Arrainge where to meet etc. Give her your phone and just tel her to put her number in there... She wil put her name, just make sure you see it.
Tel her you wil text her two days before your coffee. Then she knows what to expect. Showing that you want to make things emotionally safe for her.
Dont death text her at this stage. Leave it, two days before your coffee, text to say Hi and say something sweet about looking forward to the coffee( keep it light)
Have your date. Enjoy
If she says no, she will prob give a reason. Boyfriend.. What what.
Smile, shake it off, no problem. Keep it light. Next week buy an extra energy drink, give her one. If she ask why, just say. If I can not buy you coffee at least let me give you a drink then. Just give it to her and wink. This way she knows that you have good intentions and no hard feelings. It also keeps the potential open just for incase. Go on as normal.
Dude it's ON!! Invite her out next time you see her, I would't wait if I were you. I think you're gonna tap that ass soon!! I'm so excited for you!
I haven't read through everything, I only read your opening post and the update ...
It usually isn't a good idea to wait with a girl for two long. Truth is: A girl will not care if you're nervous. But she'll blame you for waiting to long.
Many guys make the fault and think being nervous is unattractive, and start to pretend to be alpha and all this, even if they're clearly not. But being nervous while you f.e. ask her out, or approach her, shows her, you're acutally really into her and it will make her feel special.
Why is it bad, if you wait for too long? It gives her the impression, that you either don't know what you want or don't stand for it. And that's not sexy for a women.
But you seem to know, that you'll like this girl and want to be more than just her partner in class. Let her know, the sooner the better. Express with honesty.
And just like @AfricanSunset said before: Don't death text her. A few messages to arrange the date are enough. Everything more usually just destroys the sexual tension.
Good luck with this one, buddy.
Thanks man. Hoping to make a move this week. Hopefully everything aligns up so that I can have a quick chat with her
Update: Success, I got her number guys. Feel like a huge monkey off my back lol. She even messaged me first, teasing me about something. I am happy I got this far. Thank all you guys for encouraging me!
I'd like to add a few books that can help you change your mindset, they're kindle only though
How to be a bad boy
How to attract women and success
The new approach
All are written by Kris sturmey
really happy for you mate!
dont leave us hanging tell us how you got her number lol!
We told you! Good job mane
Yes tell us what happened!!
No, don’t tell us, it’s your personal stuff !
Unless you really want to
Lol, i don't mind sharing as this may help some people who are also afraid of rejections and who deal with social anxiety. So we partnered up again. This time during our session I finally asked her name, lol. She told me months ago but I forgot, and she asked for mine as well. Then towards the end of class we just started walking together(sharing how our weekend went). It just lined up. Just when we were putting on our shoes I'm like "hey *name* are you on IG"(I wanted to get her IG so that I have an idea if she was single also IG tells you a lot about their personality). Then she waited for a sec and shes like ya I do, but I forgot my account(in my head I'm like how do you forget your account), I just got rejected let me play it off by saying "Can't believe you forgot your IG account, you suck lol". Then she pulls out her phone from her handbag and I start thinking she is about to try to sign onto to her IG, but then she opens up her number keypad page and goes whats your number, so then I just take her phone(almost dropped her phone).Punch in my number and dial out to mine. Gave it back to her saying "don't forget my name, and she smiled and shes like I won't". We talked for another brief minute about upcoming classes and while she was leaving, she turned around and said bye *my name*. When I went home 15 minutes later, she texted me about how she beat me up in class etc. We exchanged like 3 messages and I told her when I'm going to class next and she said she will come for that.
I'm still not sure if she wasn't comfortable giving her IG or what not but at this point I am just proud of myself for going up to her in a class full of guys where the ratio is like 10 guys to 2 girls and being the 1st guy to get her number. I just feel a sense of accomplishment and this becomes a steppingstone to future conversations.
Now although I will eventually ask her for dinner or something when I'm a bit more comfortable, what I got out of all this is a bit more confidence to talk to a girl. Not fearing being rejected.
in my experience, you can come up with so many approach and preparations but your self-esteem and courage will do the first step and initial push. if i'm on your shoe, i probably start on catching her up before or after our next sparring or session. then i'd probably start to ask if she's single or not. then propose a dine or coffee some time.
Hey man got an update on how your getting on?
yeah what's up with her?
Hope you guys came together
Not yet guys, we talk once in a while via text. She seems cool but due to Covid-19 nothing big. I actually came back from vaca mid march and been busy with self iso and all.