Advice

This is so difficult. I feel really bad for you.

I told my wife and she was very upset at first. She's kind of come around and she's supportive, but it still comes up occasionally. I'm trying to be kind and understanding with her when she gets mad at me. She deserves to feel her feelings, and if she's mad, I just need to deal with it.

I would try as hard an you can to include the one you love in everything, regarding all this.

There's a video on reboot nation where Gabe talks about this being about 'Addiction' rather than 'Attraction'

Good luck

 

In the rebooting in relationship forum there is a lot from SO’s about Betrayal Trauma. Read as much as you can and learn to see things from her side. It’s finding a healthy balance between your recovery and hers. I’m an SO so to start validate her, listen to her, communicate honestly and take personal accountability for your behaviors.
Good luck to you.

 

Try to help her understand that this is something a lot of people go through and that it's not something you want in your life. Us rebooting shows we have come to admit that we hate it, we hate that we like it and it tears us apart. You sound like you really care about her so you need a way of showing that. You're doing this to be a better person and maybe you're doing it for her. I don't know how she feels but obviously you should apologize for hurting her in whatever way, and emphasize it's not intentional. Porn isn't a replacement for her but she needs to know what porn is to you. One thing I know is that porn is not your lover and it never will be. A good partner wouldn't prevent you from being the best person you can be.

 

#1 you can't make her do anything..

Like others have said she needs validated, and made to feel safe.

These are the magic words. Say them in all sincerity

The fact that...
Is evidence that...
No partner should ever...
For that I am sorry...
I want to reassure you...
Again, I am sorry...
What can I do for you right now?