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Afftects of 15+ years of porn addiction

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by johnathan123, Apr 8, 2017.

  1. johnathan123

    johnathan123 New Fapstronaut

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    1. It is really an effort to write things up. I'm an engineer and I find it really hard to come up with design documents, even writing emails is becoming a challenge.
    2. Forgetting names of people far too often
    3. Forgetting spelling of common words like intelligence, house, etc
    4. Making embarrassing grammatical errors and not noticing it. I only notice when I read what I wrote afterwards and I feel ashamed of it.
    4. Its a challenge to explain and articulate thoughts to my peers.
    5. I've been given multiple notices by my company that I'm not an effective leader and cannot add new direction to technical projects.
    6. Letting my body go, I'm put on 20kgs of weight over the course of many years. Masturbation really demoralizes me and then I eat to get over it . Eating after masturbation is my another fix.
    7. After masturbation to porn I don't feel like performing anything, work related or otherwise. Most of the time a day is wasted. So every week it is like loosing a day.
    8. There's always an a dull pain at the back of my head and over my neck after masturbation.
    9. I have a really loving wife whom I'm never been intimate with, except a few times in 3 years.
    10. Till 16 I used to be very smart and creative, writing poems, painting and acing my exams. Nowadays everything is hazy, my brain is in a cloud of smoke and I don't have motivation to do anything.
    11. I don't feel like doing anything even on weekends. Nothing excites me. Not games, not movies, not evening buying new things.

    I'd really want to get a hold of my life. What should I do. I feel helpless
     
    Innocence Found and RetroMike like this.
  2. RetroMike

    RetroMike Fapstronaut

    First off welcome to the NoFap community. You are among amass amount of people, including myself, that is or was going through what you are going through now. Try a simple reboot first. Baby steps. Try to get through the first 24 hours with no PMO. Then try to see if you can go three days, then a week and so on and so on. If your into reading I highly suggest checking out "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. Awesome book on how to focus on the NOW. It can be difficult to grasp at first but the more you read it and re-read it the better you will understand it. That book is truly helping me through my reboot as we speak. Just remember that you are surround by a great group of people who want to see you have a successful reboot and have you reap the benefits throughout. Keep us updated and fight the good fight!
     
    eddie.n.32 likes this.
  3. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    Everything you described, all the mental difficulties, can be attributed to the porn/ masturbation induced brain fog. It is real and it is awful. Welcome to the community.
     
  4. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    Til last year, I probably had been lifeless and almost suicidal after 30+ years of masturbation and porn induced brain fog.
     
    Innocence Found likes this.
  5. johnathan123

    johnathan123 New Fapstronaut

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    Thanks @Runtilmylegsdropoff and @Nirrad90 . Your words are encouraging. I really want to stick to my commitment this time. I can usually go for about a 4/5 days with porn. But I'm determined this time to stick out the whole ninety days. I feel like cold showers is a thing that could help?. I'll try that.
     
    Runtilmylegsdropoff likes this.
  6. awakening now

    awakening now Fapstronaut

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    Can you get access to neurofeedback? I gather in the US it's often covered by insurance. I'm starting it myself later this month. My sense is that it will speed up recovery time x100.
     
  7. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    You are suffering from the intense brain fog brought on by the constant masturbation and porn. When I look back, I can't believe I was living with that. Like you, I felt ineffective, like a zombie, and simple tasks were made difficult. I had no joy from anything at all because my dopamine was totally zapped. I am a runner too and even all the running that I did didn't help my mood. It's a miracle I passed all my hard math and financial classes in college. It wasn't til I read up on the science of masturbation induced brain fog that I realized the damage I was doing, and it all made sense to me. When I did my 96 day reboot last year the brain fog lifted and I felt alive again. You have to value your healing process more than the porn and beating off, and it will be a struggle, but it will be worth it.
     
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2017
    RetroMike likes this.

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