I will be writing you everyday to tell you if I am still going strong starting 27th of September! When I relapse I will tell you truthfully what happened. I don’t wanna let you down though! Anyone who wants to join me a long the ride is welcome like a brother or sister. Encouragement is also appreciated.
I watched a VR porn today. It was overwhelmingly arousing. I feel all foggy in my brain because of it now. I wanna go back to the good old days when I was struggling but pulling through, doing good and being clean. Back then I wanted to be clean because in my mind there was so much at stake if I didn’t quit. I wanted to finish high school. A fine goal to have.
To achieve this goal I used many tactics like deluding myself for motivation. “If you watch porn now and have a relapse then you are not gonna be able to finish high school this year. You won’t be able to get into university and you’ll miss out on that whole experience. You won’t meet a girl. You won’t find love. Then you will end up hating yourself for never truely becoming what you could have been. What comes next will be macabre and self inflicted, if not worse; directed at others” It helped I suppose. I passed and got into university.
Now at university. I interact with many people. Including beatiful women. I have many opportunities for sexual incounters and had some. But I turn to my first -fake- love of porn far to often because I have failed to actively remind myself of my addiction. I don’t journal, write on forums or talk to an accountability partner. Well that is all about to change and so I write to you blogosphere! I will make myself known. Yes I am an addict and I always will be. I will fight everyday to better myself and not act out this addiction. I am choosing to aim up!
I watched a VR porn today. It was overwhelmingly arousing. I feel all foggy in my brain because of it now. I wanna go back to the good old days when I was struggling but pulling through, doing good and being clean. Back then I wanted to be clean because in my mind there was so much at stake if I didn’t quit. I wanted to finish high school. A fine goal to have.
To achieve this goal I used many tactics like deluding myself for motivation. “If you watch porn now and have a relapse then you are not gonna be able to finish high school this year. You won’t be able to get into university and you’ll miss out on that whole experience. You won’t meet a girl. You won’t find love. Then you will end up hating yourself for never truely becoming what you could have been. What comes next will be macabre and self inflicted, if not worse; directed at others” It helped I suppose. I passed and got into university.
Now at university. I interact with many people. Including beatiful women. I have many opportunities for sexual incounters and had some. But I turn to my first -fake- love of porn far to often because I have failed to actively remind myself of my addiction. I don’t journal, write on forums or talk to an accountability partner. Well that is all about to change and so I write to you blogosphere! I will make myself known. Yes I am an addict and I always will be. I will fight everyday to better myself and not act out this addiction. I am choosing to aim up!