After 160+ days clean I came across porn by mistake (really), this is how I overcame... You can too!

An authentic success story: after more than 160 days clean I came across porn by mistake, this is how I handled it… You can do it too!

Dear Fellow Fapstronauts

Honour to the Fapstronats, honour to NoFap! Each one of you here is a legend, even for trying amid the seemingly endless battles and failures, each one of you is a pillar of strength for me and because of you and this forum, I can today hold my chest up high in full knowledge, not speculation, that I am living a NoFap-Free life.

Yes you got it, NoFap as a way of life! NoFap beyond 90 days, NoFap beyond 180 days…

As I write this, I’ve stopped counting the days. I say this not out of arrogance or vanity, but out of honesty and gratitude. In the beginning I used to come to this forum everyday to keep motivated, to gather strength, to look for serious NoFappers who were making progress and defeating their daemons so I could draw inspiration from them. I could not go a day without coming to this forum at least several times, because with all the blue balls, fear, anxiety, stress, cravings and desire for that all-temping orgasm (which in reality is addictive death and destruction), I knew I was skating on thin ice and that one day of demotivation would lead to a slip up and all my work would have to be restarted from the ground up.

I couldn’t take that risk… I couldn’t risk throwing what had taken me 15 years to do! It took me 15 years to gain the courage to stand up to this beast. I took me years of fighting and crying, praying and hoping, giving up then striving again, and again, and again… over and over and over until my spirit could take it no longer. Until I had no choice but to do it for real this time – and I have not looked back since. I am relatively self-reliant now and so I can go for weeks without logging into the forum but this NoFap forum is still in my heart and I salute all Fastronauts who have blazed the trail before us and helped make this possible for so many of us! I seriously never thought it was possible to no ejaculate either in sex or masturbation before I came to this Forum. You gave me a reason to stand up and fight, to drop the excuses.

Now that my heartfelt salutations of gratitude are done. Let’s proceed to the gist of this post, my success story.

Recently my 11 year old nephew came to visit me and his grandfather (my dad) for a weekend. I decided that I must install an educational app for him on his Android (Tablet-PC) so that he can do well at school. I asked him to sit next to me and follow the steps as I directed. “Ok now go to your Chrome browser” I said. “This one uncle”, he replied. “Yes my boy”, I responded. Then suddenly! - “Uuug!”, he blurted out. “What, what’s wrong boy?”, I questioned with surprise and concern. “I… I… I can’t look – here take it” he said covering his eyes and thrusting the tablet towards me as if it was a hot coal. I had no idea that I was about to see what I was about to see…

Taking the tablet I looked at the 7 inch screen to find a woman with her legs wide open and a dildo in her one hand lying there, like a pretty coloured snake waiting to strike a deadly blow as soon as you approach it through curiosity of its colours and patterns. I could not believe it! I was around his age when I started masturbating (around 12 years old) and it put me into a life of slavery. I was disappointed, scared for him, and wished I could save him from dancing with this devil, a dance that all Fapstronauts painfully regret. I looked at him with disappointment and pain… “It was not me he said”. “I don’t know how that got there, I had two older cousins come visit me this week and they kept asking me for my tablet but I don’t know how it got there… I promise”.

I looked at the screen again and was struck by a realisation that shook every cell in my body with the force of an earthquake. In that exact moment, more than any feelings of disappointment and concern for my nephew, I had an epiphany worth celebrating… I was not lusting after that pornstar. Oh my goodness, I can look at this pic without getting an erection – oh my goodness! I can look at this pic and not have to worry about being overwhelmed by an insatiable craving that would force me to go the bathroom to pretend like I need to have a number 2 while I try silently masturbate so that no one in the house hears me. Oh my goodness!!! I am free… I am free and free indeed!

It’s now 187 days since I made my commitment to stop fapping, that’s two 90 day challenges back to back. But as I said, I’m no longer counting – NoFap has become a way of life, it’s a part of who I am. Thanks to the Almighty for loving me and having mercy on me after all the negative thoughts I have thought and negative deeds I have done. Thanks to the great Philosophers, Masters, Sages and Saviours who have taught me the way of Truth and Self-Reliance! More specifically:

· Thank you, Saviour Yeshua the Eternal Christ (may he be exalted evermore) for teaching me: “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (Matt 5:28)”

· Thank you Master James Allen (gratitude for his unselfishness) for showing me the truth, that self-discipline, self-mastery, righteousness and peace are possible in the 21st Century! “Men shrink from self-discipline because in its early stages it is painful and repellent, and the yielding to desire is, at first, sweet and inviting; but the end of desire is darkness and unrest, whereas the fruits of discipline are immortality and peace. (James Allen in Above Life’s Turmoil: Self Discipline)”

· Thank you Master Samael Aun Weor (oh great knower of the mysteries and Gnostic sage) for teaching the true path to becoming a fully developed human being – the path of sexual transmutation and harnessing my sexual force in order to generate a potency of being which will be used for the highest purposes: “Sex can liberate or enslave the human being. No one can attain integrity, no one can be deeply Self-realized, without sexual energy. Sex is the power of the Soul (in Alchemy and Kabbalah in the Tarot)… Nowadays, there is a tendency to consider the sperm as just a substance excreted by our sexual endocrine glands. The sperm, however, is sacred because it contains our true identity (Master Samael Aun Weor in A Lecture on Sexual Transmutation)”

· Thank you wise Ralph W. Emmerson (philo-sophia continua) for teaching me Self-Reliance: “Envy is ignorance and imitation is suicide… Ah, so you shall be sure to be misunderstood.' — Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood.”

· Thank you to the Vedantic Swamis Vivekanada, Sivananda and Abhedenanda (glory to their yogic fearlessness and chastity) who communicated the wisdom of the Vedas in such a pure and simple form and taught me the path of Karma Yoga. “Man, master of his destiny, has lost his divine glory and has become a slave, a tool, in the hands of sex and ego on account of ignorance… If the sexual energy is transmuted into Ojas or spiritual energy by pure thoughts, it is called sex-sublimation in Western psychology. Just as metals and chemicals are purified by heating, so also the sexual energy is purified and changed into divine energy by spiritual Sadhana, by entertaining sublime, soul-elevating thoughts of the Self or Atman. (Swami Sivananda: The Practice of karma Yoga)”

· Thank you to Allan Cronshaw (the North-Carolina Mystic) who is still alive today and baptized me into the path of initiation as a Gnostic Ebionite-Nazirene Disciple of TheWay in November last year (November 2014). You are one of few true masters who are alive today and your work has changed my life!

· Thank you to my therapist Theresa and psychiatrist Aviva! Your love, patience and genuine care has done and will continue to do wonders!

If you have read this far then be glad, for many would have stopped by now. The essence of my message is this – you can do it! You can change and become whosoever you aspire to become. It will be more painful than you ever thought. Your patience will be stretched to its limits, your ego and self-esteem will be dented, you’ll fail miserably, you will make promises to yourself (and/or other Fapstronauts or Accountability Partners) that you will break within the very hour after you have advertised your resolve or goal on the forum. You will find yourself glued to your computer screen sheepishly watching porn like a helpless insect drawn to zapping light at its own peril just after you thought you could reach a week or 30 days. You’ll hit rock bottom until hitting rock bottom becomes normal, but eventually, if you know like I did that there is a power in you that is greater than any force in the manifested universe, you will press on, will persevere and will not give up until NoFap is a way of life! Rebooting is amazing (well done to all you 7, 14, 21, 30, 60 and 90 day slayers). Any achievement, even one day, against this beast is great! But if you can turn NoFap into a Way of life and walk the path of sexual transmutation, keeping yourself clean and pure for a partner with whom you can share True Love and potent sexual life-force, then though you are walking a painful road less travelled, it is a road that will bring you a peace and joy that this world does not understand, that fellow Fapstronauts, is priceless!

I do not post as often as I used to as I can now focus on my day to day life and its ups/downs without being preoccupied with fapping. But know that each word in here is for YOU and that even though I may spend weeks without logging in, I am ever true to NoFap, for NoFap is power, it is life, self-mastery and peace!

Do not be fooled fellow Fapstronaut, the media, Hollywood, the music and porn industry are selling you dead addictions to lust and quick sex, to a morbid imagination and debilitating thoughts. Be wise, be strong, and know that your only real enemy is within you! Be strong, have courage, you can do it! I leave you with these inspiring words on self-control by one of my favourites, Master James Allen (gratitude to this modern Master of meditation). Enjoy, Be Free!


SELF-CONTROL AND HAPPINESS (CHAPTER 4 IN: THE LIFE TRIUMPHANT)

By James Allen

WHEN MENTAL ENERGY IS allowed to follow the line of least resistance, and to fall into easy channels, it is called weakness. When it is gathered, focused, and forced into upward and different directions, it becomes power; and this concentration of energy and acquisition of power is brought about by means of self-control.

In speaking of self-control, one is easily misunderstood. It should not be associated with a destructive repression, but with a constructive expression. The process is not one of death, but of life. It is a divine and masterly transmutation in which the weak is converted into the strong, the coarse into the fine, and the base into the noble; in which virtue takes the place of vice, and dark passion is lost in bright intellectuality.

A man is happy, wise, and great in the measure that he controls himself; he is wretched, foolish, and mean in the measure that he allows his animal nature to dominate his thoughts and actions.

He who controls himself controls his life, his circumstances, his destiny, and wherever he goes he carries his happiness with him as an abiding possession. He who does not control himself, is controlled by passions, by his circumstances, and his fate; and if he cannot gratify the desire of the moment, he is disappointed and miserable. He depends for his fitful happiness on external things.

There is no force in the universe which can be annihilated or lost. Energy is transformed, but not destroyed. To shut the door on old and bad habits is to open it to new and better ones. Renunciation precedes regeneration. Every self-indulgence, every forbidden pleasure, every hateful thought renounced is transformed into something more purely and permanently beautiful. Where debilitating excitements are cut off, there spring up rejuvenating joys. The seed dies that the flower may appear; the grub perishes, but the dragonfly comes forth.

Truly, the transformation is not instantaneous; nor is the transition a pleasant and painless process. Nature demands effort and patience as the price of growth. In the march of progress, every victory is contested with struggle and pain; but the victory is achieved, and it abides. The struggle passes; the pain is temporary only. To demolish a firmly fixed habit, to break up a mental tendency that has become automatic with long use, and to force into birth and growth a fine characteristic or lofty virtue—to accomplish this necessitates a painful metamorphosis, a transitional period of darkness, to pass through which patience and endurance are required.

This is where men fail. This is where they slip back into their old, easy, animal ruts, and abandon self-control as too strenuous and severe. Thus they fall short of permanent happiness, and the life of triumph over evil is hidden from their eyes.

The permanent happiness which men seek in dissipation, excitement, and abandonment to unworthy pleasure is found only in the life which reverses all this— the life of self-control. So far as a man deviates from perfect self-command, just so far does he fall short of perfect happiness. He sinks into misery and weakness, the lowest limit of which is madness, entire lack of mental control, the condition of irresponsibility. In so far as a man approximates to perfect self-command, just so near does he approach to perfect happiness, and rise into joy and strength. So glorious are the possibilities of such divine manhood, that no limit can be set to its grandeur and bliss.

If a man will understand how intimately, yea, how inseparably, self-control and happiness are associated, he has but to look into his own heart, and upon the world around, to find there the joy destroying effects of uncontrolled tendencies. Looking upon the lives of men and women, he will perceive how the hasty word, the bitter retort, the act of deception, the blind prejudice and foolish resentment bring wretchedness and even ruin in their train. Looking into his own life, what days of consuming remorse, of restless anxiety, and of crushing sorrow rise up before his mind—periods of intense suffering through which he has passed through lack of self-control.

A man has to learn he cannot command things, but that he can command himself; that he cannot coerce the wills of others, but that he can mould and master his own will: and things serve him who serve Truth. People seek guidance of him who is master of himself.

The life of self-control is no barren deprivation, no wilderness of monotony. Renunciation there is, but it is a renunciation of the ephemeral and false in order that the abiding and true may be realized. Enjoyment is not cut off; it is intensified. Enjoyment is life; it is the slavish desire for it that kills. Is there anywhere a more miserable man than he who is always longing for some new sensation? Is there anywhere a more blessed being than he who, by self-control, is satisfied, calm, and enlightened? Who has most of physical life and joy—the glutton, the drunkard, and the sensualist who lives for pleasure only, or the temperate man who holds his body in subjection, considering its needs and obeying its uses?

I was once eating a ripe, juicy apple as it came from the tree, and a man near me said, "I would give anything if I could enjoy an apple like that." I asked, "Why can’t you?" His answer was, "I have drunk whiskey and smoked tobacco until I have lost all enjoyment in such things." In pursuit of elusive enjoyments, men lose the abiding joys of life.

And as he who controls his senses has most of physical life, joy, and strength, so he who controls his thoughts has most of spiritual life, bliss, and power. For not only happiness, but knowledge and wisdom also are revealed by self-control. As the avenues of ignorance and selfishness are closed, the open gates of knowledge and enlightenment appear. Virtue attained is knowledge gained. The pure mind is an enlightened mind. He has well-being who controls himself well.

Source: http://www.jamesallenwisdom.com/ind...-life-triumphant-mastering-the-heart-and-mind

Thank you for reading! All the best...

 

Take genuine awareness of truth and love to porn and it has no power over you. It's freedom at last! Congrats n your streak and epiphany!