AFTER 4 YEARS OF TRYING, I FINALLY DEFEATED PMO (2017. - 2021.)

Hello everyone !

I think this is going to be a long post so stay with me until the end. I have so much to say, so many things happened in my journey, I was on the bottom and also on the sky. I will tell you my whole story here and now, I hope some of you will find yourselves here and relate.

Firstly, I discovered pornography when I was just 10 years old. I was told by one friend from my class about this strange page on the internet I should check out in my free time. I had no idea what I will find there, but I was devastated when I finished watching my first video. I didn't even know at this time that people do such things but I knew one thing... something wasn't right with this. I felt it, I knew if my parents find out about this, I would have been punished so I immediately closed the whole thing and pretend I didn't see anything. Boredom is devil's playground so after several days, I went back and started to observe what people actually do in videos. I had an erection while I was watching this stuff because I was very sensitive to this novel content and this was also new although I had some erections even before discovering pornography.

This happened back in 2011. when I was 4th grade elementary school. I remembered I saw a women in one video that looks similar to my german teacher. In school during german class, I was constantly thinking about what I saw and asking myself was this actually her... I couldn't concentrate properly because I felt like a stole something and I'm afraid that somebody will find out how bad person I am. Whole pornography stuff also affected my view towards opposite sex... these images and scenes would came to my mind sometimes when I would talk to my female friends and I was disgusted and curious at the same time.

Until second half of 2014. I didn't pay attention to sexual stuffs, I only cared about friends, football and my video games. At the beginning of 7th grade, I noticed some changes in my behaviour and body, obviously, I hit puberty. Almost all boys from my class had a period in which they would touch girls and call them in inappropriate way. I was one of shy guys in my class so I didn't do any of this, but I wasn't that innocent... I was watching girls in very perverted way, I wanted to kiss them, to touch their breast and also I was glimpsing secretly at their asses. Some of them had much to show even then so it was hard not to look now and then. I like it because it felt good... until one of them noticed me. Jesus Christ, I was so embarassed. I remember she was standing in front of a world map and trying to find something at the bottom so she needed to bend down and I couldn't resist temptation. One of her friend noticed me first, came to her and whispered in her ear that I stare at her ass. She turned around so quickly, looked at me very dissappointed and just sit on the chair at her bench... I wished I was dead. This was also time when I started masturbating. I was watching one porn video (but this time I advanced from amateur videos to HQ professional Mind Geek platform videos) and felt a huge tension down in my glans penis (head). I touched myself and I felt butterflies down there, I kept doing this until I reach climax. I had no idea what happened but I knew this was sperm that came ot of me, I was shocked and happy at the same time. From this day to October 2017. I would masturbate every single day...

It's 2017 now. My life was really boring and it was going nowhere. Although my secret addiction, (I didn't know back then I was even addicted) I managed to stay straight A student and attended multiple competitions, also, I was at national geography competition and my name was on school wall every year. Teachers liked me in the elementary school and in the high school. I was this student who always has homework done, who would get A while others couldn't get even B. Despite my academic success, I was dead inside because I was depleting my self each day. I barely had energy to do things, but I would do them somehow. Once back then I collapsed in church and people around me helped so I was good again after several minutes. As you can guess, I didn't have girlfriend and this thing bothered me so much then. No one showed interest in me and I was very frustrated, my class was small so I didn't even consider an option dating somebody from there. Even in school I couldn't even ask girl out without drinking before this. I had some crushes, but all of them were from a city which is distant to mine. All of them weren't also interested in me so we would ended on what we would started (It was usually texting on social media).

At the end of 2017 (October), I found out about nofap and semen retention. I laughed at this first time and gave it a shoot. After some time, I realised I couldn't stop masturbating or looking at nudity. I also started cold showers, train handball more and also I was training strength in my house. I started developing ways to beat this addiction but every time I would fail and beat myself up after relapse (Do not do this !). I somehow fell in love with one girl also from distant city and text with her every day for several hours. I was the whole 2018 at this state and I confessed her my feelings in the October 2018. She wasn't interested in me at all and lied about having a boyfriend. She dumped me like a garbage and suddenly vanished. She was surprised and also dissappointed in me, she didn't expect this even in dreams. The whole month after this incident I was depressed and really without any atom of strenght. I was in some half depressed half rage mode towards my life. I found pretty unfair the fact I couldn't find girlfriend no matter what I do. I don't have any luck with girls even today nor they show some interest, but I don't care anymore. Why I don't care ? It's because at the end of this 2018, I met the most beautiful girl in one town near mine and suddenly we ended up in a relationship. I was happy like a New Year and thanked God every day because of this, until this event, I thought I will die alone and abandoned.

3 days ago, on 25th August 2021, I finally reached 90 days without any of toxic PMO stuff. My girlfriend is very supportive and she was also very happy. I also want to thank this whole community firstly because it exists, and secondly because there were a lot of motivational posts and success stories. I had a mentor from England with whom I was talking about NoFap and he gave me a tone of advices, most of credits to him also. Now, I study medicine in Croatia and I'm pretty happy. I have some problems with procrastination, but I hope I will manage somehow to fix this. I have a dream of becoming psychiatrist one day and help people with various mental and spiritual problems (also addicted ones). Thank you for reaching the end of this long post ! If you have a question, feel free to write down in the comment section. I also want to connect with you people, especially with someone from Balkan (Croatia, Serbia, Bosnia, Slovenia, North Macedonia, Montenegro). Thank you !

ATTERO DOMINATUS ! VICTORY IS OURS, LET'S GO HOME !