After 53 days of no P and 40 days of no PMO, PME, or MO - And Tips for Success

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by jbastoniv, Mar 27, 2015.

  1. jbastoniv

    jbastoniv Fapstronaut

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    First, how do I feel?!?! Awesome, great, but most of all, NORMAL! As I have stated before, I feel stronger, my workouts provide way more gains. I am confident and very aware. My perceptivity is the highest it has been in years if not decades. As though there was a veil over my head, or as most put it, a fog. I notice things I haven't noticed in 14 years.

    The calmness is what is so pleasant. It's a form of happiness and joy. I am no long anxious. What amazes me is how the very little things will excite me, or give a warm feeling of joy. My body, I feel it so much more, in a good non painful way. My skin is so much more sensitive to the touch.

    I am not sitting or standing around constantly thinking about sex! It feels so normal! I see sexy images and sexy women, I don't go into some fantasy fest, in fact, I DO NOT FANTASIZE at all, if one slips in I let it come and go. More on this later.

    My relationship with my wife is great, I notice her looking at me way more. I have always looked at her, but this time, I can look at her without thinking about sex! We cuddle more and we are more affectionate.

    Woman talk to me constantly, I had one at work who was talking to three of us men, and she kept touching me while telling her story, I don't mean once or twice, I mean once or twice per paragraph, all innocent but border-line strange. I get tons of smiles from women, hell, I am smiling way more as well.

    Sharper at work, very confident in meetings and I am so much better at conveying my thoughts and ideas.

    I do have to say I have been having, for lack of a better term, what I would describe as a spiritually awakening. I mean, I must have been dead, especially spiritually. I am feeling so much more, little things make me happy, I feel motivated to get out there and do things, be around people, talk to them, interact. I want to do more with the family, instead of trying to pawn them off so you can get alone time to PMO/E all day. Really sad when I look back at it.

    I believe porn does that, kills your spirit, little by little, the only way to deal with your immense guilt is to ignore life and to ignore your feelings and to build up an entire lie of rationalizations to justify your actions. [NSFW]Looking at naked people having sex, or worse, acts that hardly count as sex with some being violent -- all the while playing with yourself for hours on end![/NSFW] Looking back, how ridiculous and disgusting all at the same time.

    OK, enough of the benefits, what are some tips to STOP and to NOT RELAPSE:
    First, you have to make a serious deep-down decision within yourself that you truly are done with this FOREVER! It's like quitting smoking (which I did 13 years ago, cold turkey), cold turkey. There is no half-way, I'll have just one cigarette, because once you do, it’s over. When I quite I told myself I can do anything for a month. And I did, and after that month I knew I had licked it and replaced that habit with other more positive habits. Once you have this 100% resolve to commit to doing this here are some other tips.

    Second, you CANNOT fantasize any more. That has to go. The only exception I had to this (and only in the beginning) was fantasizing about my wife, and only in real-life things we have done (making love). Now I pretty much only do that when we are about to make love. I thought this was going to be hard. I thought this was going to be the hardest part. But guess what, it wasn't. I am 50 so I was fantasizing for decades before P, it was the only porn we had LOL. After doing that for decades you get really good at it. I even fantasized when we did it, but I started to stop that so I could last longer, I didn't need it while making love, the act itself was erotic enough. But for M, it was all about the fantasies, and they could as nasty as you wanted, way more than any P you could get your hands on. Then, P, and then high speed Internet, then free unlimited P! Well, I didn't need to fantasize any more, the screen did it for me, and now it did it beyond any nasty fantasy I could ever come up with, it could shock me to heights I didn’t know existed. So, the second step is you MUST STOP FANTASIZING period, no exceptions (except real-life situations with your wife (SO).

    Third, you CANNOT touch yourself, PERIOD! The only exception is to urinate and clean yourself, and you must use the utmost caution, make it quick, to not loiter, especially while bathing, it is way too easy and private. After while it doesn’t even faze you since you don’t have scene after scene rolling in your head and you are do not have tons of sexual anxiety and frustration from all of the PMO/E MO! But to be extremely clear here, you CANNOT EDGE either, you cannot play with it at all, not a ¾ erection, not a ½ erection, not a ¼ erection, no erection at all; you must not touch yourself and allow yourself to get aroused!

    Fourth, especially in the beginning, DO NOT BE ALONE if at all possible. And if you are, go somewhere, to the grocery store, the library, a walk, gym, whatever; it is too tempting to be at home alone! Beside, loneliness can lead to depression; it is a known fact that being around people is good for you, beside, the oxytocin will help with the dopamine withdrawals. Your body and brain will balance out, but it will be harder in the beginning. And trust me, don’t get cocky and think you can play with it for just a couple of seconds, you cannot. And when you get further into reboot just touching it can cause leakage, it will take some time for your glands to adjust to the less demand that in the past was put on them.

    Fifth, delete all of your P, do this almost ritualistically, purposely, and symbolically. Do it, I did, it actually feels really good and empowering, it makes a statement! I deleted my secret browser off of my phone; delete any risqué bookmarks such as Tumblr, etc. You know the ones I am talking about. Turn on safe search with Google and YouTube, which will help, trust me. I don’t use DNS, or firewall and browser blockers because I know how to get around them, besides, this is my choice and I don’t need them.

    Sixth, DO NOT use P substitutes, non what so ever. That means no bikini, no pretty picture of fully clothed women, no artistic nudes, no body paint, no tight clothes, no, none, what-so-ever, you know what I am talking about.

    Seventh, Do look at good looking women in real-life, but don’t be rude and ogle. But, since you will be practicing number two you will NOT be fantasizing and you will not be incorporating her into those fantasies. I personally do not think it is wrong to notice a good looking woman or hot body; it is in our nature, but, how and what you do with that in another thing. You can admire without objectifying. And certainly you don’t have to be rude about it and certainly not rude to your wife (or SO). I think part is good because it allows you to see real women and not the fake images from video and pictures that are all doctored up from make-up, lighting, and perfect camera angles – plus all of the post production work. I remember a famous model (name escapes me) being interviewed and the interviewer said I sure wish I looked like you, and her response was, I wished I looked like me too.

    Eighth, DO EXERCISE and EAT WELL! With your body changing this will help it along, beside, it will give you something to do, and during reboot you will really enjoy working out, you will look forward to it. You will at times actually feel the endorphins after a while since your brain won’t be dead from all of the dopamine.

    Ninth, do talk to women; this will help you to understand that they are people, not holes and repositories as they are presented in P. THEY ARE PEOPLE, and damn interesting as well. Have a real conversation and you can do this without thinking about sex, adding them to your fantasy reel, or thinking about laying them. This will assist in re-wiring you brain and its responses to females.

    Tenth, love the hell out of your wife (or SO). Do things for her, thing outside of the bedroom. Do things without expecting anything in return. Little things, she will notice, and she will respond tenfold. Be a man, a real man, and treat her like a lady, a real lady. If you do not have a wife or SO then get out there and practice number nine! When you stop trying to get them in bed and if you not PMO/E MO then will not be desperate looking, you will be confident and calm. And you will see how easy it is to talk to women.

    Bonus, DO NOT CHEAT! You are only cheating yourself, stay true to your goal, and know, you can succeed. Use the emergency kit on this site if need be. Use your will power, do let it control you, you control it! WIN!

    Good luck and never give up hope!
     
  2. BlueNotes

    BlueNotes Fapstronaut

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    Good shit, excellent advice. My biggest thing so far has been fantasizing/objectifying women. The longer I keep going without P, P subs, and M, the easier it's becoming. I love the new man Im becoming. And practicing karezza type intercourse with my SO every now and then is phenomenal as well. I advise a lot of you men out here to try sex without an orgasm. Very cool stuff. Good shit jbastoniv!
     
  3. jbastoniv

    jbastoniv Fapstronaut

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    Wow, BlueNotes, we have the same no (P)MO date!
     
  4. BlueNotes

    BlueNotes Fapstronaut

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    Hahaha fuckin A man what a trip
    Ain't life so much sweeter without that shit?
     
  5. jbastoniv

    jbastoniv Fapstronaut

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    It is actually life! I'll never go back, I am finally living!!!
     
  6. Pyramid

    Pyramid Fapstronaut

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    Very grateful for these words. Thank you.

    I have had many little mini streaks going. I currently live alone and am in med school. The stress brings on unwarranted feelings and actions; many of which I have conquered. But the PMO keeps coming back. I will make an oath to myself to go 60 days without it.
     
  7. jbastoniv

    jbastoniv Fapstronaut

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    I write to help with my recovery and I hope to help others as they have helped me on this forum.

    Stay strong and righteous my brothers!
     
  8. bob789

    bob789 Fapstronaut

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    Awesome post. Thanks for the tips. Total abstinence seems to be the name of the game. I know exactly what you mean by looking at pictures etc. I have even looked at stills and justified it saying since it wasn't moving pictures it was somehow better.
     
  9. @jbastoniv : Really good observations.I think this is what we call a real man.Its all related to me also a lot of this.Fantasies part is more damaging in my case.I objectified women since a long and that lead to M then O/E and then finally what i abbreviate is: FPMO!one has to be really cautious everyday.I know with practice it becomes easy a lit bit.

    Good Luck Man.
     
  10. Happiness

    Happiness Fapstronaut

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    Great post, enjoyed reading it. Happy for you and your success, keep going (^__^)
     
  11. Great post @jbastoniv.I fully agree with all you have said.I edged a little bit before login on to the site.I cant edge or touch myself in a self-plaesuring kind of way anymore.Thanks for all the tips.