After 72 days, I slipped. But I am getting back up.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Tired of Fapping, Sep 21, 2014.

  1. Tired of Fapping

    Tired of Fapping Fapstronaut

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    Hello all,

    I wish I could be posting here because of the fact that I reached 90 days. Alas, that is not the case.

    I have been attempting Nofap since the end of my senior year. I am now in my 3rd year of University, and classes have been picking up with multiple exams and assignments due later this week. I am starting to get a little bit sick, because I work out in the mornings in addition to studying hard and working on learning the guitar at night.

    Yesterday I was feeling overwhelmed with all the work I had to hand in later this week. I ended up looking for triggers throughout the entire day (bypassing K9 web protection which is stupid, I know). At the end of the day (around midnight) all that pent up sexual frustration that I had been building up throughout the day got the best of me and I MO'd. Immediately I felt like the worst human being on the planet and I felt that I had just betrayed my deeply ingrained beliefs that fapping is wrong. Feeling horrible about myself, I ended up PMOing twice back to back. I have never had a more difficult time falling asleep, as I knew that I had just shattered an important part of my self identity. I felt so much cognitive dissonance at the fact that my behaviour had violated one of my most deeply ingrained attitudes.

    What will I do to move on?

    I now realize that Nofap has become a very important part of me. It is as central to my identity as the fact that I am a student, an athlete, a brother, a son, and a human being. I do my very best to never experience that level of sadness again and will continue to strive to become a better person. I had been faltering in the last couple of weeks in terms of looking at girls and fantasizing, so I will stop that completely. I will give my best friend full control of my K9 web protection in order for me to not be able to bypass it at all. I will also make sure that I continue doing what I had been doing in the past 72 days that had allowed me to make such progress.

    My goal is to reach 100 days by December 30th. I can do it this time.
     
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2014
  2. Ajunta Pall

    Ajunta Pall Guest

    Hey man, I've been there plenty of times. If it was easy to quit, then we wouldn't have this great website. I'm in University right now as well and yes classes are picking for me as well.

    But back to the point. The following week has been going very smoothly and I really have no urge to watch P right now even though no one is looking and it's 10:00 at night. So here are the things I've been doing to help me this week:

    -Keep reminding yourself that you're in this 100 day long battle. If you don't remind yourself, then you'll feel as if it's not important anymore. To remind myself I did this,
    http://pmo-tracker.appspot.com/about/labs

    -Think in the terms of the future. Before browsing online for P (which is my biggest trigger for Ming & Oing), get into the habit of thinking of yourself a day from now: you're walking on campus knowing what terrible things you did yesterday, you don't want to live with that feeling. Don't do something that you wouldn't tell anyone else in person.

    -My final personal tip, always remind yourself of what kind of person you want to be in life (This is similar to my first and second tips btw). Always remind yourself that it's not impossible and that you can become the person who overcame the odds.

    This is a long and tough battle, and this will be your final reset, promise me that.

    Good luck in school and keep fighting and thinking
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 21, 2014
  3. Bill85_nofap

    Bill85_nofap Fapstronaut

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    This is serious advice, sounds funny but it will work trust me.
    Keep some bengay near your bed or where you may normally pmo or mo or whatever. When we get that temptation, dab just a little bengay on your scrotum, I wouldn't be brave enough to go for the penis, but seriously. One time I accidently just got some close because my leg was really sore. I probably spent 15 minutes in the shower trying to wash it off. Doesn't do any damage but definetly not comfortable. You will definetly not be MOing or anything with bengay on your balls, guaranteed.
    :rolleyes:
     
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2014
  4. thedaiem

    thedaiem Fapstronaut

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    I dont think torturing oneself is a good way. You're preventing the problem. Not treating or resolving the problem.
     
  5. Tombuktu

    Tombuktu Fapstronaut

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    Hey,
    So sorry to hear about your relapse after such a good and long streak. But it's good that you are picking yourself up and not giving in to discouragement.

    Looking at your profile, you only have 6 posts. For someone who has been on nofap for 6 months, that's very low indeed. From my short experience here, most people who seem to relapse after a good streak are those who don't contribute much and give to others. It's a known factor in addiction recovery that in order to keep your own sobriety you need to be giving back what you've got. Many people here sign up, begin the challenge and only come back to read other's posts and do not do much to share and offer advice to others. That isolation almost always leads to relapse. I would advice you to consider posting at least twice a day in the first two weeks, cutting down to once a day on week three, and then to minimum twice a week from the fourth week onward. It's only as we give back that we can maintain what we already have.

    Make it a point of engaging mostly with newbies, acknowledging their posts and offering some guidance. I know you are a student, but time spent working of recovery from addiction is better spent than time on Facebook and Youtube or other social media.

    If I were you I would begin a personal journal and write my feelings and thoughts as often as possible.Good luck

     
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2014
  6. We all know the pain for we probably experienced it too many times and yes, we do feel like we betrayed ourselves at that moment. And even if you give your K9 password to your friend that can't prevent you from PMO if you really want it. Because I had it in a similar way..and it's not hard to google the way of bypassing K9..
    Harming yourself definitely isn't the solution because this problem has thick roots. Me and you have similar goals and challenge. I hope that we can both talk on new year eve about how our problem is solved.:rolleyes: in the meantime we should minimize fantasizing and negative input at all. I realize now that people who are muscular aren't actually strong. Strong people are ones who can control their urges.
     

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