After one year observations

I started this thing about a year ago and while I can improve still (we always can), here are some of the observations I've made about the journey:

- Going 6, 7, 8, and often more days without PMO is way easy now. To some, this is nothing but it took me forever to get over the 3 or 4 day hump

- After about a week without, I notice better focus, stronger voice, more of a clear solid look in my eyes. Often, this is accompanied with unexpected boost in confidence and better social interactions. I feel better. I feel more relaxed and even look at problems with much more calmness and even a joy in meeting life challenges. I worry less. Worry happens but it's just put away sooner.

- People will often look at me differently after about a week without. And I like it.

- Embracing dry periods, loneliness, frustration, etc. is GOOD. The key is to embrace, accept them, breathe deeply, be grateful for them because they help you feel alive and appreciate the great times. Where I was in trouble before was when I'd push sadness or grief away. This is futile. I'd replace it with temporary numbness of Pmo but I would just go back to playing "tug of war" with emotions I tried denying existence.

- Mindfulness meditation and or meditation works. All mindfulness meditation is is taking deep breaths and being completely present. When you notice a worry, thought of past, or anything not in the moment, you acknowledge it, passively deal with it by just saying "look at that" then putting it away, going back to breathing and being grateful. Meditation can be tough at first but I'd recommend starting with a guided meditation. There are many on YouTube. It reduces stress and just helps overall with everything in a way that's healthy.

- Music and laughter can sucker punch a craving often. Obviously there are types of music that encourage sexual behavior but try classical, jazz or your favorite stuff that inspires you (u2, stones, etc., here) and just focus on melodies, rhythms and/or words. Most types of laughter chases away the darkness.

- The mind is your greatest ally and worst enemy. I've convinced myself over and over I deserve a release after 10-15 days. Or that I've thought about a sexual situation so much, I "might as well" just do it and then I can start clean (endless cycle). I'm still climbing this ladder but it is possible to tell that part of your mind to be quiet and to not believe the instinctual lies we tell ourselves. I've had glimpses of hope.

- Be wary of thinking too much about NOT doing pmo. The more you've thought about something, the more you are likely to engage in it. Or at least the more you'll live with the temptation that seduces and eventually breaks us down. Just getting on with your life and embracing the weather, nature, etc. helps.

- Turning off the tv more often helps.

- Exercise can help but it can also make you seek out the high of pmo after you've experienced a runners high like myself or weight lifting high. But it's still better to exercise than to not definitely

- Writing things on note cards I carry around helps. Just things I feel Will help during a day and help me stay focused, more positive or give me a needed jolt. Right now I have one stood up on my music stand that's been there a couple of weeks and it says two really simple but helpful things: "Have fun" and "Embrace life."

- I have noticed that a "perfect streak" ideal is next to impossible. I still think about sex, I still think about beautiful women or even certain fantasies. But I can just put them away easier now. The mindful meditation and breathing in the present has probably been the most helpful thing there.