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After two years of failing, I might have discovered the biggest why I keep failing

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by willem20, Mar 5, 2015.

  1. Mar 5, 2015 #1
    willem20

    willem20 Fapstronaut

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    First of all, I'm rather new here, so I don't understand most glossary/vocabulaire that is used here. Also, I have no idea if this is the right subforum for this, if not, hopefully a moderator can move this thread to the correct subforum.

    The things is (like I also explained in my introduction topic) I have a hard time coping with bad feelings. In the broad sense, it contains experiences such simple as a hangover, a break up or general boredom, to physical pain. I always try to replace the feeling with something else, mostly a material or self-destructing action. I want this to stop.

    The reason why this problem is so important to me, is that I have had a problem with pornography for a long time now. 2 years ago, when I realised that I had a problem with pornography, I decided to try and stop watching porn. It's sounds easier than it is. Despite the horniness (which is a hard factor to control too) I always end up failing whenever I feel bad. For example last week, when I was kind of dating a girl, and it ended quite abruptly, I felt bad and turned to pornography. The same thing for hangovers, I usually turn to pornography, or if it is not pornography it is video games and eventually pornography.

    See the vicious circle here?

    I want to overcome this pattern, but I do not know how, and I hope maybe one of you could guide me with some wisdom (or even better: an experience) on how to handle those bad feelings

    I thank you in advance.
     
    willem20, Mar 5, 2015
    willem20, Mar 5, 2015
    #1
  2. Mar 5, 2015 #2
    xanderchris

    xanderchris Fapstronaut

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    The one thing that has helped me the most has been finding an accountability partner (AP) and develop trust with him and talk to him throughout the day. Even if you aren't talking about your struggles, casual conversation helps develop trust and also helps keep your mind off things. There is a subforum designed to help people find an AP. Just post what you're struggling with and what you're looking for in an AP. Start talking to some guys who respond and you'll find you'll probably just "click" with one (or more).
     
    xanderchris, Mar 5, 2015
    xanderchris, Mar 5, 2015
    #2
  3. Mar 5, 2015 #3
    Break the Chain

    Break the Chain Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

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    I have always found hangovers

    When you feel "bad", what specific feeling(s) / emotion(s) are you experiencing?

    It can be hard to untangle the answer, but once you know that it is say, loneliness, you can begin to act on that feeling to address it, like calling up a buddy, instead of numbing it away with PMO.

    Mark Queppet's video's will explain this better than I ever will. I am using this 'Own-Align-Execute' strategy from these 3 vids atm. His and Alexander's YouTube channel is must view too.

    Hope that is useful to you mate. Stay strong man!
     
    Break the Chain, Mar 5, 2015
    Break the Chain, Mar 5, 2015
    #3
  4. Mar 5, 2015 #4
    Break the Chain

    Break the Chain Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

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    **I have always found hangovers to be a time of weakness too. I downloaded a sudoku app onto my phone which I play if I get PMO urges in that state. Also found my hangovers cleared up a lot faster when I didn't fap.
     
    Break the Chain, Mar 5, 2015
    Break the Chain, Mar 5, 2015
    #4
  5. Mar 6, 2015 #5
    rubifenrx

    rubifenrx Guest

    Stress, problems, anguish....these always push you to fap. True.
     
    rubifenrx, Mar 6, 2015
    rubifenrx, Mar 6, 2015
    #5
  6. Mar 7, 2015 #6
    willem20

    willem20 Fapstronaut

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    It differs from a strong emotional pain, like feeling bandoned or unwanted, to a physical pain. like a hangover. Often I relapse on hangover ays, because I cant really cope with the feeling of not feeling well. I crave for that shot of dopamine, know that it'll make me feel better, for a while.

    I'll definitely check that video out!
     
    willem20, Mar 7, 2015
    willem20, Mar 7, 2015
    #6
  7. Mar 7, 2015 #7
    nomo

    nomo Fapstronaut

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    Hello,

    You need to change, not just abstain. Read this and see if it helps, there is a section on emotions which you have indicated are your triggers to PMO. http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=15558.0
    I post this link often, because for me it made so much sense. We really need to change how we cope with life, without change it's hard to fix anything.

    Good luck, you can do this, be strong!
     
    nomo, Mar 7, 2015
    nomo, Mar 7, 2015
    #7
  8. Mar 11, 2015 #8
    ForThePeople

    ForThePeople Fapstronaut

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    Share it with people who you are close to. Develop relationships with people who can relate or someone you can trust! Honestly, talking face to face is where you will get the real emotion out that causes you to act out. You will feel vulnerable, you will feel pain, but after, you will feel free. Worked for me :)
     
    ForThePeople, Mar 11, 2015
    ForThePeople, Mar 11, 2015
    #8
  9. Mar 13, 2015 #9
    PrevCDM

    PrevCDM Guest

    Thank you so much. That helps for me too.
     
    PrevCDM, Mar 13, 2015
    PrevCDM, Mar 13, 2015
    #9

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