After years of failures, this time I'm getting it right-PMO Addiction/PIED Recovery

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by The_Return10, May 15, 2024.

  1. The_Return10

    The_Return10 Fapstronaut

    Hello rebooters! A little bit about myself- I'm 29 years old and I have had PIED for as long as I can remember.
    PIED has an overwhelming impact on my life. Having tried and failed to deliver with multiple females I did some research and found out that the cause of this was very likely down to the years of PMO and the harmful effects it has on our brains. Even with this information and my desperation to recover, I found myself (like the majority of us!) relapsing time and time again. It wasn't all bad though however, mid way through 2020 I had a 6 month absence from PMO. The difference in myself was considerable but I put off rewiring with a partner due to the anxiety and fear of 'what if it didn't work' and 'how do I explain my situation?'. This is where I believe I went wrong and eventually the bad habits came back and I was right back into my old ways. Since that day I have had countless reboot attempts. Some lasting days, some lasting weeks, a minority lasting a few weeks. But I couldn't kick the habit. Why? Well after some hard thought I realised why I use PMO, why I am always drawn back into those harmful habits.

    1. boredom- having dealt with an illness over the last few years I have been unable to work. This has provided me with plenty of time to sit around with no routine and think and stew on my issues and insecurities. Instead of being pro active and thinking of healthy ways of spending my time I found PMO as a temporary escape from my illness, my anxieties, my problems and worries about my future. It gave me a mood kick, something to give me pleasure in life, even if just for a moment. I combined PMO with other distractions such as an unhealthy amount of video games. Both gave me a false sense of purpose and helped me forget about the issues I faced in my life. Unfortunately the deeper you sink into this pit, the harder it is to get out.

    2. Poor self-esteem and confidence- PIED/PMO and my illness has absolutely shredded my confidence, self esteem and motivation in life. The illness hasn't helped but PIED/PMO is the root cause of the majority of my troubles. As humans, so much of our purpose, confidence and self-esteem is tied to our romantic relationships or our ability to connect with a partner. Well, this part of my life has been non-existent for as long as I can remember. Having tried and failed to deliver in previous
    encounters with a partner I swore off trying again due to fear and the embarrassment of it all. I didn't want to put myself or another partner through that again. The failed previous attempts left me with the lowest opinion of myself and truly have had a huge impact to this day. The issue I've found with low confidence/self esteem is my inability to push myself. I love being in my comfort zone and the thought of pushing those boundaries scares me. This is why I tend to stick to this vicious PMO cycle as although its damaging...its familiar. How will I cope without this distraction and quick pleasure fix?

    3. No Direction- for a long time I have had no direction in life. No goals or aspirations. Its always been 'I have this illness' or 'I have PIED so I cant do anything in life'. This has left me without purpose or direction in life. This therefore has made permanent change hard as without goals or a long term vision to work towards, that feeling of failure and no direction very easily leads to the attitude of 'oh what the hell, I've not seen any major changes or accomplished anything, why not go back
    to the old ways as at least that gives me some pleasure'. A purpose or goal in life, whatever that is that you set yourself is crucial to maintaining on track and reminding yourself why you are making these changes and what type of person you want to become.

    so....after fully understanding why I am stuck in this cycle of PMO and failed attempts, I realised I must make changes this time around. I cant do the same thing again and expect different results. That's not how life works. I started the current reboot (I now call it a lifestyle) on Friday 10th May 2024. So this is day 6. What have I changed this time around?

    1. So firstly I now have a simple routine. Aim to wake up same time every morning, go to bed same time every night. I get up shower, eat, get dressed, brush teeth, make bed. Give myself the best chance in the morning to prepare for the day right. If anyone doesn't know the importance of a cold shower definitely try it. It helps supress urges, teaches discipline, not to mention really wakes you up in the morning!! As an anxious person I also practise mindfulness and deep-breathing exercises each morning and throughout the day. This really helps to also suppress urges/flashbacks to PMO. It doesn't eliminate them but it certainly has helped resist the urge to relapse and has helped calm my nervous system down. Having a simple morning-night routine has been a crucial factor in this reboot and I strongly believe going forward it'll help with my mindset and general well-being.

    2. Walking in Nature- I've always enjoyed a walk in nature however I'm now making sure that I get at least one walk in nature each day. I appreciate peoples schedules can be much busier than mine with work etc but a walk in nature has really helped me to control my urges. I use the walk to practise mindfulness and clear my head as best I can. This in turn has helped reduce mind-fog which I've noticed a significant reduction in the last week. I truly believe getting outside more frequently is important for mental well-being (definitely in my case) and may be a useful strategy if your struggling with urges whilst sitting round the house all day.

    3. Exercise and healthy diet- As I've previously mentioned I have an illness and this illness impacts my energy. I therefore succumbed to the illness and gave up trying to exercise. This time round however I've made an effort to do some cardio on our treadmill, even if its only for a small while. Just having that time on the treadmill has given me some extra purpose (build fitness and lose weight) as well as definitely helping to control my urges and regulate my mood. If you have low confidence/self esteem and are struggling with controlling your urges I would strongly recommend some degree of exercise, even if it is just a short walk or light weight lifting or even just stretching or moving your body. It really helps to boost mood! Alongside exercise, i have also cleaned up my diet. I have aimed to lose weight and have already lost 8 pounds in the last couple weeks. I've cut out junk food and sugar which has certainly helped control my urges as I've found sugar in the past to lead to PMO urges.

    4. Moderation of video games/other entertainment- video games are something that I have used heavily in the past as a distraction from my problems. The more time I spend playing them the worse my mental health can get and certainly my motivation in life. I've always loved video games but there's a definite link to the amount I play and the likeliness that I will PMO. This time around I have significantly reduced my video game time and in general my time with digital entertainment. I only allow myself to play video games after my priorities for the day have been done and for no longer than a few hours a day. This allows me to accomplish what i set out to do for the day, whilst also reducing urges and increasing my motivation to carry on reaching for the goals I've set in real life. Playing less video games/watching less TV has also made my calmer and definitely reduced brain-fog.

    4. Future goals- setting goals has been key this time around. It has helped remind myself what is at stake here. I was very mindful in setting realistic goals that can be
    achieved with some work and dedication. It has given me purpose and is a reminder of what I cant achieve if I return to my old ways. For me, my goals were simple. Lose weight and become physically healthier, be a better friend and family member, reduce time on video games, get better at darts. And the big one- stick to a no PMO lifestyle!

    So this in a slightly big nutshell is my history with this addiction and my plans to beat it. I'm still early on in this journey and I definitely don't see myself as an expert but I wanted to put my experience out there in case it helps anyone in a similar situation. I plan to do milestone updates on how my recovery is going but definitely feel free to ask me any questions and ill try my best to answer them as best I can. I'll leave you with this rebooters. Don't give up. I've been in some truly dark places in the past years but I can see a way out. All it takes is utter focus, determination and finding the right path for YOU. No two reboots will be the same so I strongly believe it is up too you to find your path to success. Don't sit around and wait for the changes to happen, be pro-active and take action...make the changes happen!
    Thank you for reading, go on and smash it out there guys!

    Also, a big shout out to Gabe Deem and Noah Church, who without, I don't know where I'd find myself.
  2. The_Return10

    The_Return10 Fapstronaut

    A full week. Still going strong. Strong urges today after a dream involving P but I kept myself occupied all day and haven’t caved in. I’ll never cave in. Just gotta ride the wave.