Age 40, never had gf/relationship - advice?

Woah, so there are real life examples of the 40 year old virgin movie. Not that I've watched it and don't get me wrong I'm not criticising you, in fact I'm in the same boat as you with the PMO/gf thing. It's just I've decided to do something about it 20 years earlier than you. So I could give you advice but that way I'd be feeling hypocritical, so instead I'll give you resources which have had a positive impact on my life. Now firstly about the women - the "most" important subject right? By far "The Daygame Blueprint" by Andy Yosha has been a real eye-opener in that area for me. Now I'll warn you it is part of the pickup industry and the pickup industry is largely inclined towards objectifying women and getting into their pants easier, not too far from porn. However the blueprint was way more tolerant understanding and genuine in that matter, in my opinion every man has something to learn from it. Now it did not make me master with women, in fact I haven't made an approach since months where a woman rejected me, but atleast now I'm working on bettering myself. On being more social as a whole I recommend - http://www.pharmanewsonline.com/wp-...yone-92-Little-Tricks-for-Big-Success-in-.pdf This book has large number of rules you can apply, frankly some of them are gold others I find bullshit or useless but it definately has made me more social in groups and among my peers. Now secondly, I have found personally that discipline is currently linked to my state of happyness and appreciation of my individual prowess. If I don't follow my purpouse i feel like shit what do I do when I feel like shit - I PMO, or engage in other unfruitful activities which numb the pain. Now I see you have issues with what you are currently as a person, don't we all? Well let me tell you this if you have discipline you will have irrefutable confidence in what you do! Because even if you CURRENTLY are not skilled worthy etc. By doing something every day to make you so in what you can achieve will undoubtfully make you so! Now i would like to introduce you to 1 of my favourite mentors - Brian Tracy. His audio books have had 1 of the largest impact on my productivity and discipline. now I'd recommend you to listen Maximum Achievement and No Excuses!: The Power of Self Discipline(The willpower instinct by kelly mcgonigal is also great). Other very useful book is Accelerated Learning techniques also by him and A Mind for Numbers by Barbara Oakley. With these books you will learn how to learn which is crucial to whatever it is you are doing. Now that's for the material part of life mostly what about the spiritual? I wholeheartedly recommend Awareness by Anthony de Mello and The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. These materials will probably change how you look at the world. Now lastly every man needs to eat right? But eating RIGHT is what counts. Grain brain by Dr. Perlmutter and The Paleo solution by robb wolf are great books to expand your knowledge in that area. the second one is optional I'm not trying to convert you or anything read the book and decide for yourself. And at last physical fitness as socrates said -
No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.
Becoming a Supple Leopard by Kelly Starrett would be sufficient in that regard. So this is it man hope i have been of help and sorry about some mistakes english is not my mother language. And let's fulfill what Schopenhauer said - every day a masterpiece

 

Hi,

If I can give you one advice, self-confidence is the main quality to have if you want to get a girlfriend. Because who will love you if you don't love you?
So start with this quality, it's hard and it takes time to get self confident but everybody can do it, all you need is motivation.
6 years ago I had no self confidence, no girlfriend and not a lot of friends. One day I read a sentence on the internet: "If you don't have any confidence, fake it and it will come naturaly". As stupid as it sounds, this sentence changed my life. I started faking self confidence and one year later I had a girlfriend, I was 18 years old. Since then I had 3 girlfriends and 2 sex friends.
Today, I feel confident, not fake but really confident. Of course sometimes I have bad beats in life (like everyone) but I'm able to stand up quick and go on.

If you need some advice to gain self confidence don't hesitate to write me a message.

 

Definiteness of purposeness, read a book by Napoleon hill called outwitting the devil.

Do things that would increase the chances of you meeting a girl. Withhold expectation turn this into a habit

I thought I'd keep it simple, pickup isn't a good way of meeting someone long term, pick up habits like grooming moreso

Also the 6 pillars of self esteem is a great book, itll make you conscious of the things you need to make yourself feel good. When you feel good your more likely to want to dothings

Instead of working at home perhaps work in a coffee shop - do things that'll increase the likelihood of meeting someone, do what you love and youll find someone who enjoys doing that too while you do it

 

I like this thread, I am finding it pretty helpful

 

It's never too late buddy. I've had girlfriends since I was 13 but lost my virginity at 26(wich society already consider it as LATE). Some may recommend you to be a Pick Up Women machine, I don't. My personal advice is to find someone interesting at first, and by interesting I'm not saying someone you love and all that stuff, but someone that you care a little at least. And remember that women are just regular human beings, even the beautiful ones, so there's nothing to be afraid of. I hope you cand find this comment helpful

 

It's about showing up and never giving up.

 

First, focus on yourself. Start lifting or martial art(best both), learn how to dress(I recommend r/malefashionadvice) and pick up an interesting hobby.

After you trurly commit to these, you should have enough confidence and self-respect to start socializing.

 

Why don't you start to do things that are more social? Try things you like and try things that other women would be doing. At 40, stay out of bars and clubs... try a cooking class, or a dancing group, yoga... yoga would be a great one.... always about 80% or more are women... look around and you'll find a group with women in your age range. You may have to get out of your regular routine.

And sometimes you get lucky and just meet one at a coffee shop.. but that doesn't happen that often.... You're better off taking your time and meeting a good one and developing some rapport first.

Also, don't overlook divorced women. If you're ok with her already having kids they are a great option. They don't require all that much attention and romance as they've already been through that. They also are just OK with talking.... Just talking is often enough for them, you don't have to take them out to a million places and keep them constantly entertained.

40 is a good place to meet women. You can reasonably go as young as early 30s and there are a LOT of intelligent and amazing women from all walks of life. You don't have to play games as with young women, and you don't have to guess if she likes you. they are pretty easy to figure out as you can just be honest with them.

Spruce up your appearance. Dress well, and make sure you have good hair and a good beard/clean shaved. Other hygiene stuff applies.

Also, by this time you have found many things that interest you and that you can help her to expand her life. And she can do the same for you. Be open, be honest, be vulnerable, and try to be OK with it not going so well.

 

Yeah, if you ever were into pickup artist stuff.... throw it ALL away! All of it right now!!!!! The only good things were to improve yourself (but you don't need to be perfect BEFORE you go out, think about it... do you find yourself ONLY attracted to women who are perfect, nice, successful or do you feel OK with flaws?) and to have fun and let your interesting side show... not everyone will think it's interesting... but some woman will and she will appreciate you for it even though you're not charming to 99% of women you will be charming to her.... and she also won't be charmed by the other 99% of guys... there's a key for every lock sort of thing.... and don't worry about your confidence. A good woman can see through it. But it may take some time.

 

Also, do try to build confidence and love yourself... but don't let that stop you either. Some people love you even if you don't love yourself.

 

I'm in a similar boat, 41 and never had a gf. You are better off than me in that you have friends and seem to be socially active. I have severe social anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and Aspergers, so I have trouble interacting with people in general. I have no advice but I hope things go well for you.

 

THIS. Some people (me included) sometimes forget about that

 

So...I'm a lot younger, and I'm a girl so I can't really give advice, especially for an adult, but I don't think it is pathetic or bad that you aren't in a relationship with anyone as long as you still love yourself. For me, I know its hard to have good feelings about someone when I dont feel good about myself. Its something I want to try and work on, and I think staying away from P will def. help. I hope you start to feel better about your situation. If you ever want to talk to someone from a female perspective just let me know. I'll help all I can.

 

Listen or read the dating playbook by Andrew ferebee. Along with the other books mentioned, its helps with confidence, how to start conversations. It will give you enough push to start talking with people. Don't put to much pressure on your self to find a gf just get out there with the people. I'm introverted to its tough but majority of people are friendly.

 

Have you asked yourself why you lack confidence? I've never been a fan of the 'fake it before you make it' attitude. Usually i can spot someone doing it and the insincerity bugs me more than anything. I think identify exactly what is causing you to not have confidence and DO something about it. Do u not think you are physically attractive? If not then go to the gym, work for it. Fitness in itself is a great way to meet people. Or maybe it's your job. I find a lot of a man's confidence comes from being proud of what he does. Maybe you are not challenged enough.

 

That is a great response I did not think of. Yeah working does physical and mental changes. I have been self conscious about my teeth and a few weeks I get invisalign. Having nothing to do can drag a person down even for introverts. I've always loved dogs, they are great for getting out and meeting other dog people. Only get a dog if you want too, have the time and financially can support it.

 

I disagree that you need to participate in any social gatherings if you don't enjoy them just because you want to increase the likelihood of finding a girlfriend. It never works out like that anyway, so if you want the girl then concentrate exactly on that. Even though guys on here seem to be against dating sites, I personally think they are a much easier alternative way for introverts like us to date while avoiding any unnecessary social interactions with others. You can give yourself a goal of 2 new dates per week and dispose of the ones you don't like eventually when you find the one.

 

Indeed! Dating sites works and I know what I am speaking about. I met my girlfriend on a dating app and we are now together since almost 5 years. We are in 2015, even if there are bad parts in meeting people online, there a lot of good parts too. You don't lose your time and you can get a date even if you are shy.

 

Female psychology

"Marni Kinrys - Get Inside Her Dirty Dating Tips & Secrets From A Woman (Dirty secrets from a woman on how to attract, seduce and get any female you want)"