Age gap relationships

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by zakes, Feb 25, 2018.

  1. zakes

    zakes Fapstronaut

    Have , you ever been in an age gap relationship and is so then:

    1) What is the age gap?
    2) How long were you together?
    3) He did it start, were you for example friends for some time?
    4) What were the pros and cons?

    Please try and respond to all questions
     
  2. Is there a reason you're asking?

    I've been in a couple age gap relationships... so I suppose I'll answer the questions from both perspectives.

    First relationship:

    1) He was 14 and I was 17. A few months into the relationship, he turned 15 and I turned 18.

    2) We were together for almost a year. Just about a month shy of a year.

    3) We were friends, or at least acquaintances, for about four years prior. We met at Youth Group through our church, and later we also went to the same school. By the time I started to like him romantically, I would say he was my best friend at the time. We were very close.

    4) I can give pros and cons for my specific situation, but they might not apply to every situation.

    For me, the biggest con, looking back, was that we just weren't on the same page in life. He wasn't ready for as serious of a relationship as I was, and that was the main downfall of our relationship. I really thought he was ready for that, and honestly I think HE thought he was, too. We often talked about marriage and future plans, and he seemed very mature for his age. However, that changed a bit when he started hanging out with a few male friends that were closer to his age (prior to that, most of his friends were closer to my age). I think at that point he just kind of realized that he didn't want to be in such a serious relationship and just wanted to have fun. One example of this that I see clearly now as a sign that we weren't on the same page is that he would get pretty annoyed when I would expect him to not flirt with other girls or hang out with other girls alone. I think he just wasn't ready for a relationship that required any sacrifice like that. Now that I'm in a mature, adult relationship, I can see that my requests weren't unreasonable, he just didn't want something serious.

    Another random con is, of course, the stigma. That didn't apply to us too much, because most people who knew us well thought we were a great match and didn't think the age difference was weird. It was a bit awkward at times, though, because of me being a leader in the youth group. I had to be cautious, somewhat, about crossing any boundaries in dating a "student" while being a "leader." Honestly, most churches probably wouldn't have allowed it, or allowed me to continue leading, but my church was pretty chill, and I was really tight with my youth Pastor. He knew us both well and we even had some little couples counseling kind of meetings with him on occasion. Going on youth retreats with other youth groups who didn't know us as well was a bit awkward at times, though, and sometimes people would think he was my younger brother or something, because we were so "close." Lol but I mostly found that funny. I've never been one to care too much about what other people think.

    I can't really say there were any specific pros, related to his age. Just the general pros of being in a relationship. I would say he was my first love, and while it ended in heartbreak for me, I still have good memories of the good times.

    So, to sum up, the main con is that we weren't on the same page in life. I think that's far more important than the number of an age, which brings me to my next relationship.

    The next relationship:

    1) I was 18 and he was 33

    2) I can't remember exactly how long it was, but no more than a few months

    3) We met in college, and we didn't know each other very long before we started dating. I was attracted to him pretty instantly, as he was a very unique person with a really contagiously joyful personality. He was on fire for God as well, which was very attractive to me. I actually didn't know he was as old as he was when I started falling for him, until one day we were talking online and he asked if I was into anyone, and I implied that I was into him, and he was very surprised, because he didn't think I would see him that way, due to his age. I thought he was probably around 25, 26. He looked older than most of our classmates, but I didn't know he was quite that old. Lol whoops! But oh well. Age has never really mattered much to me.

    4) pros and cons...

    Again, I think being on the same page in life is way more important than an age difference. Although he was older, his life experience was very unique, and he was sort of on a path of being reborn, spiritually and socially. We were both just starting out in college, he had never been married, so even though our age difference was far greater than the difference between me and my previous boyfriend, we were actually on the same page and timeline in our lives.

    Honestly, the age difference never really bothered me that much. Sometimes it was a bit uncomfortable, but honestly that was mostly due to other people's judgement, not really my own feelings. In the end, when we broke up, I can honestly say I don't think it had anything to do with age at all. There were a lot of reasons why I didn't feel I was as into him as he was into me, but none of them were about age. If anything, I actually liked that about him a lot. I've always been very attracted to older men, and even my husband now is a good 7 years older than me.

    So yeah, that's my experience. Idk if you have a reason for asking or what, but if you're considering whether or not to date someone who is much younger or much older than you, I would encourage you to think less about numbers and more about maturity, life experience, and whether or not you're on the same page, have the same values and similar ideas of future plans. Like for me, I think I could have dated and married a much older man as early as 17 and been really happy, because I was pretty ready to settle down at that point. But there are plenty of women in their late 20s or early 30s who still aren't ready for that. So age, in my opinion, can be a pretty arbitrary factor.

    Some unique pros and cons have come up, now that I'm married to an older man, however. Things I wouldn't have really thought about.

    One con is that I don't feel ready to have kids at all (not sure if I'll ever want them, really, and neither is he), but sometimes i think about the fact that if I waited another 4 years to have a kid, I would only be 28, which isnt that big of a deal, but my man would be 36, which is a bit more of a challenge.

    Other things to think about... one of you will probably die much sooner than the other, if the age difference is large. And another random thing that came up recently in my mind was when I was watching a video on financial advice, it was talking about if you invest a certain amount of money by the age of 30 or whatever, or if you start investing regularly at 25, you'll see _______ amount in results. But I had to remind myself that while I fit in the under 25 bracket, my husband does not. Which isn't bad necessarily, but it's just something I have to remember when making future plans and such.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 27, 2018
  3. zakes

    zakes Fapstronaut


    Hey

    Thank you for the detailed reply, your comments are insightful.

    On your question why I am asking?

    well your guess is correct, I am really falling for this lady who is 7 years younger then me. I am 35 while she is 28 and turning 29 in a few days time.

    But as they say, you cant choose who you fall for, however, I am intimidated by the age.

    I have to however add, feeling intimidated is as I have strong feelings for her, the reason for this is as I have no issues what so ever asking woman who are even much younger then her out on dates.
     
  4. I'm confused by your phrasing here, but are you saying that you have no issue asking out girls who are younger than her, but for some reason you feel weird about the age difference with her?

    That might be just due to how strong your feelings are, or it might mean that there's some other reason something doesn't feel right about that relationship. Can't really say without more information.

    But as far as the age difference, I would just echo what I've said already. Think less about the number and more about whether or not you two are an equal parking in maturity and lifestyle and the place you are in your life at the moment.
     
  5. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I have I have dated several men that are between 7-10 years older than me. The pros and cons actually IMO depend on what age the two people are. So when I was 28 and the guy was 35, it was fun. We still had a good bit in common, as they say women mature earlier than men, and he still had the same energy level that I did. Now a 19 year old and a 30 year old are less likely to have as much in common. The problem, from a women’s perspective when the man is that much older is sex. So I was 38 and my partner was 46. I wanted it all the time, his sex drive was tanking, he started to have ED issues, and I just was not sexually satisfied. Sex with men in their 30s is not the same as sex with men over 45 in general. I have found this to be the case with most men over 45. Sure there are anomalies, but generally this becomes an issue. I suppose if a woman has a low sex drive though it could be ideal for her, it was not for me. I think the May December relationships used to work better for life, when women were looking for a stable provider and were not able to be as open about their sexual wants and needs. Nowadays however, women don’t need providers and they have no problem telling men what they want in bed, so they tend to be harder to maintain as the couple ages.
     
  6. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I think this is a good age difference at your ages. It should work out well.
     
  7. Alyx87

    Alyx87 Fapstronaut

    Yes, definitely wouldn't worry about the gap. Both of you might already have similar priorities in life, this is something I'd focus my attention on rather than the age, which in all honesty is just a number.
     
  8. I would echo what I said before... age isn't what matters. It's maturity level and where you are at in life. I could absolutely see myself dating someone 20 years older than me. But they would have to be on the same level as me in those other areas.
     
    zakes likes this.
  9. In my personal opinion, the guilt of dating someone so much older than you is purely a societal construct and there's absolutely no reason to feel guilty at all. I have no idea why some people think it's wrong. It's just as ridiculous to me as people thinking interracial couples are wrong.
     
  10. No problem!
     
  11. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    why would you feel guilty? There is nothing wrong with it, so long as the person is legal to date you. I mean like if you are 17 and they are 38. I think this is more from a practical standpoint, of would this relationship work? You are going to find tons of people who say, yes we have a 20 year age gap and it worked out great. But realistically a 20 year gap is hard for practical reasons but not because there is something morally wrong to feel guilty about.
     
  12. zakes

    zakes Fapstronaut

    Hey there

    my apologies about the delayed response, i have not been online lately.

    Yes, I was trying to explain that generally i do not have any issue with the age as I have dated many other girls that are like 5 years younger then her.

    However, this attitude (insecurities about our age difference),seems to be stemming from the strong feeling I have for her.
     
  13. IronDog

    IronDog Fapstronaut

    My wife is 9 years younger. It was an affair for both of us and we ended up together. We met in Hollywood and have been together about 8 years now. Lucky for me she is really intelligent and more like my generation than her own. So it works for the most part lol
     
    zakes likes this.
    1. 10 years gap (i was 21 and he was 31)
    2. we met in a city then he moved back to his country and basically it was more a long distance stuff
    3. i met him via mutual friends and one day he invited me over to have dinner and basically that night we kissed and i lost my virginity to him the next morning
    4. it was awful and embarassing. i was 21 but looked 18 and i had no experience with guys. i just gave my first kiss to my best friend few months prior to that. i was a baby and he wanted to look young. he thought he won the lottery with me
     
  14. MindfulAchilles

    MindfulAchilles Fapstronaut

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    I have been in a relationship where I was 6.5 years older. She was 19 when we met, I was 26. We were both at the same level in many ways and it worked out fine. People didn’t think anything of it and we were confident about it.

    Lately I have been seeing someone who’s 6 years older. She’s had quite a few maturing experiences and has been a perfect match mentally (unfortunately, the relationship tanked because she didn’t see it progressing to anything romantic).

    I’m in college, and the ages around me are normally 18-23. It’s pretty different from my (almost) 29 years of age. The reasons I wouldn’t attempt at this point to date an 18-20 year old, have more to do with development. That age group is out there, figuring out stuff, trying to understand what their preferences are, how they react, etc. 23-26 is the age when most people find their ‘pocket’, they know themselves well enough to consider things long term and have experienced enough to know what works and what doesn’t. (I also study social sciences so I understand brain development is peaking around that age)

    My stage is very different and I think I’d be way too influential in a relationship like that. Which is not good. I’d want to have a person with me, who is equal and with initiative.

    Related to this, I opened up this thread on ethical thoughts about legal age and exploitation: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/ethical-questions-about-ages-in-porn.165863/
     
  15. Poseidon

    Poseidon Fapstronaut

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    My GF is a year and a half younger than me, which is a pretty small age gap. It’s so small that it never comes up and we never think about it.
     
  16. zakes

    zakes Fapstronaut

    It is huge, not sure about it.

    However Id say there is only one way to find out.
     
  17. I guess that depends on your age. If you are 18 and she/he is 43, then I'd say the odds are stacked against you. But let's say you're 30 and she/he is 55, then I suppose it could work out.
     
    zakes likes this.

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