Aggressive and angry - Will this stop? What can I do?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Deleted Account, May 27, 2016.

  1. Hey alls,

    I've been trying to quit porn for over a year now. Many relapses. I've had multiple accounts on NoFap, but eventually I stopped because I realized talking about me 'failures' just brought my down.

    I'm currently on my longest streak (39 days). I think I'm past the flatline stage, past the dopamine sinkhole, past the apathy, past the perma-boner stage. Over the last few days I've found that I get angry/frustrated really quickly. I'm practically looking for a fight. I'm looking for someone to give me a wrong look. This is not like me. I don't like confrontation, and I'm normally very friendly and understanding.

    Is this the result of testosterone build up? Or having no alternative dopamine trigger? What's the phsyiological reasons for this? Or is it all psychological? I'm not in a relationship right now, so I haven't had sex in the last 39 days either. Is this going to go away? How should I deal with this? Because of age-old injuries I can't weight-lift or exercise regularly either.

    Would appreciate some tips and feedback from the veterans.

    Thanks,

    Muneer
     
    vulture175 likes this.
  2. AllanTheCowboy

    AllanTheCowboy Fapstronaut

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    Think about a smoker quitting. You're irritable because you're not getting what you're addicted to. Push through. Try to do what you can to alleviate it. I know that when I'm hungry, I'm way worse in terms of temper. A cup of coffee, a meal, some chocolate, or a bag of potato chips often does the trick for me. Obviously be careful not to just trade one addiction for another, but there's nothing wrong with a little self-indulgence as a pick-me-up, as long as you're in control of it, not the other way around.
     
  3. Hi @AllanTheCowboy , thanks for your message.

    Have you been through this stage before? How long does it last? Does it go away, or does it need an outlet? Like, do I need to 'bleed the poison'? I guess that's what you mean by 'a pick-me-up'?

    Some days I feel I have so much anger and aggression, that I need something equally 'strong' to negate it (like a good fuck). I feel like I should channel this aggression into something productive, but I'm not sure how or what.
     
  4. WhyYouParkHere

    WhyYouParkHere Fapstronaut

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    HALT or "Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired" is a good one that I use. When I'm raging for no reason I've learned to ask myself those four questions. I can recall a situation where I was in the grocery store and raging internally at everyone. I couldn't think of any other reason for the rage except "because they were there." When I thought about why i was pissed off it usually boiled down to HALT. Fix one or more of those and you get a temp reprieve. Hope that helps some. Keep going.
     
  5. Hey @WhyYouParkHere , thanks for your reply. "Raging internally at everyone": well said! It's exactly how I feel. I have a reason to hate anyone who walks by, for no good reason.

    I like HALT, and I think meditation has helped me be more mindful of the real'reason my emotions jump up and down. But what about simple sexual frustration? Just simple horniness? That feels like a legitimate reason as well.

    In my past attempts, I'd already had 1 or 2 wetdreams this far into Rebooting. So far I haven't had one, and it feels like, with each passing day, the frustration of not 'releasing' grows and grows.
     
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  6. vulture175

    vulture175 Fapstronaut

    this is exactly what i felt one week ago. I was like passive-aggressive, easily to get mad at everyone and everything. I was screaming in my room, shouting at my mom, called my friend a "wh***", doubted a member in forum, doubted everything i read.... in general, i hated everything, everyone too much that even killing did not fulfill my anger.

    and then i couldn't stand it and relapsed. But don't be like me. relapsing even suck you more. i had even more anger and was still keep relapsing in a week, flashbacks were insane. please don't relapse. it doesn't help you solve the problem.

    just like the guy said " you're not getting what you're addicted to", so u get angry about it even u don't want to. the mind turns into a hungry monster. The only i can think of right now is mindfulness (or meditation as you may call), but wrong practice of meditation can cause even more anger.

    here some points that can help you practice meditation better:
    1. eyes open and focus on ONE point ONLY, that one point should be something that LIVING like a tree, a fish, a dog. (I would pick a tree). And that thing shouldn't being moving ----> This will lock on your eyes to stop them wandering around
    2. When you meditate, reduce as many words as possible. That means try not talking to yourself while meditating.
    3. (The most important) Don't focus on yourself while meditating. focus on ... the tree, imagine you are the tree, because focusing on yourself will strengthen your ego and may cause more aggression. be careful buddy.
     
    KarthikB likes this.
  7. AllanTheCowboy

    AllanTheCowboy Fapstronaut

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    I don't know that I went through this exact stage or not, but I do know that the solution to every struggle I went through was patience and perseverance. Don't. Give. Up. EVER. Success will come. It's 11 months for me tomorrow.
     
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  8. Deadpool2095

    Deadpool2095 Fapstronaut

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    Im on day 4 and i feel this :/ I have a punching bag and i just punched the crap out of it.
     
  9. AllanTheCowboy

    AllanTheCowboy Fapstronaut

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    Hold fast. If you should find yourself riding in green pastures with the sun on your face, do not despair, for you are in Elysium, and you are already dead!
     
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  10. Hey @AllanTheCowboy and @vulture175, thanks for sharing your stories and advice.

    @Deadpool2095 I feel some alternate form of physical exertion would help tremendously, but I have some chronic pain in my joints which prevents me from exerting myself too much. That punching bag sounds real nice though. Keep at it.

    Muneer
     
  11. AllanTheCowboy

    AllanTheCowboy Fapstronaut

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    Do any low impact activities work, like a recumbent stationary bike?? How about video games?
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  12. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    The aggressivity and anxiety comes from the fact that you are not wasting your energies anymore with PMO.
    You have lots of free energies now, but your brain is not used to it and doesn't know what to do with it.
    Therefore it activates basic patterns like aggressivity and anxiety.

    The idea is to activate your full potential now.
    Think about what you really want, think about what you always wanted to do.

    During the last 39 days, you have improved and you have reached a new stage. Now you have the chance and you can switch over to totally new things, to a truly fulfilling life.

    BTW, I had several long-term streaks and had similar experiences.
     
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  13. Deadpool2095

    Deadpool2095 Fapstronaut

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    I also go to a gym daily which helps with the energy :) any form of exercise i believe can help it.
     
  14. @AllanTheCowboy I play video games and they help. But I found I was slowly replacing one addiction with another. Where I used to fap for hours on end before going to bed, I started playing video games. Same shit different pile?

    Anyways, I have the games more under control now. I still play before going to bed, but now I can limit my usage.

    I wonder if life is simply a series of addictions, one after the other. @SnowWhite I'm assuming you're talking about pursuing dreams and passions? I'm trying to do that. Sometimes I wonder though, if I'm just looking for the next thing to get addicted to. Call a person a workaholic, a fapoholic, someone who pours their heart and soul into XYZ. . .is it all the same? Do we just trade one addiction for another? I wonder. . .

    UPDATE: Aggressiveness has subsided over the last few days. Feel more in control of my emotions now.
     
    AllanTheCowboy likes this.
  15. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    @Muneer Huda Yes I mean that - Pursue your dreams and passions.

    When you want to "fight darkness", then you need to "turn on a light".

    That's why if you want to "fight porn addiction", you need to "pursue your dreams".

    When you focus on your dreams, passions and goals, then the addictive behaviour will lose its power.
     
  16. SpacemanSpiff

    SpacemanSpiff Fapstronaut

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    The last time I relapsed I felt exactly the same... I was 16 days in and for the last couple of days i was extremely irritable, even the most insignificant thing would make me want to break stuff, so that day I gave in and relapsed.

    When I was PMOing regularly i was in a constant cloud of apathy and for how I see it, feeling angry sometimes is better than not feeling anything at all. I believe that in these cases you have to think with your rational mind and not let your feeling take controll.

    Obviously it's not easy, I myself have failed the last time but i can tell you for sure that relapsing is not the answer to anything
     
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  17. Megasameru

    Megasameru Fapstronaut

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