Ahhhhh damn..

Hi guys!

I don't wanna give my name, sorry
But anyway, is that important?
Please forgive my english and if there are typos, I'm french btw.

It's my gazillion time that I fail, I tried a ton of methods, and now I'm feeling right now really bother and helpless in front of my addiction. It's really a shame to be an expert of recovery but being unable to use this knowledge enough to suceed. I don't wanna blame myself, as I said I'm an expert now and I know it's such a waist of time.. uhhhhhhhh.

Anyway, by where to start? It might be important to say that I never reach more than 20 days, and I'm starting think that my issue is mostly rely on anxiety and stress who makes me use pornography as a buffer to avoid as much as I can to suffer from it. I due know what make me happy, but I'm feeling quite alone through my streak. Even though I told to my girlfriend, she just could be until now a mirror of my addiction post relapse talk, and she can't do the streak instead of me. Actually I can say I'm quite really lucky, because I found out I'm so affraid by some aspect of the life, and more specifically about my career choice : I want to be a musical artist, and this makes me soooo stress.

And I'm really upset that is so expensive to get a talk with a psychanalyst who can have an impact only with a regular appointment, I visited one few times but damn the price is so high.


Et voilà, it was really messy first post.
Sorry for that.. I hope I will come to this forum tomorrow and maybe find a solution with you guys. Have a good night!

 

Trakinas : Thanks man! Yeah I need to decide again to adopt an active way to change my life. The issue with relapse is always that after you builded a belief, proudness, effort, it is hard to directly go back on streak. But I have to admit now : if I'm relapsing, it doesn't change anything to blame myself, firstly, it reinforce the process of relapse and give it to him too much power on me, secondly, relapse it supposed to make us just able to change our strategies to change our life, it is time to fullfill my life with positive energy (nature, animal, passion like music in my case, learning korean and english, save up money to back travel, and most important think listen myself when doubt seems to appears and let it just go through me and it will pass!)

 

The 587 : Yeah! Actually it is not that obvious, it is more sneaky. Our brain is a really lazy machine, and with porn, or any other addiction, he find a way to avoid to have to ask about new questions or questions he already found an answer. Normally this process is useful in our daily life, to be able to consecrate our time for new things and don't get flooding by repetitive questions by in this case, he just hack the system and install a deep sneaky roots habits in our responsive system to emotion. That is why the most important thing in my eyes to stay on streak is to be connected about your emotions : what usually make you thrill, excite you, make you feel like you are doing something great and pure? For me I discover that I really like to do cooking, learning language, making music, enjoy the nature at the park, reading, listen great music, actually porn make us blind about all the amazing way around us to find pleasure and happiness around us!