All or Nothing

So lately I have been struggling to go two days without relapsing and failing in every way possible. Last night was horrible as I went on a massive binge that nearly destroyed my computer with unwanted porn pop ups!! It's like something took control of my browser and opened up a load of new pages that send me into melt down. ;/

It's been a really tough year and my relationship and work life have both suffered because of this addiction. Recently I have been accessing escort websites, calling escorts viewing all sorts of categories of porn and masterbating compulsively to the point of physical pain. I have been to SAA spent money on £190 an hour therapists tried online self help courses but still caught in this dark wormhole!!

On the up side I am learning from all my relapses which is new but even though I identify a triggering situation I still lose control. It's tough as you guys understand but I have to stay positive and overcome this addiction. Watching the Wolf of Wall St and the new 300 movie didn't really help matters last night with all the sex scenes included, sent me into the bad wolf territory.

Famous last words but here goes again at another attempt at 90 days! I appreciate this site and everyone's honesty so much and thank you for any comments or feedback you may post, feed the right wolf!!

 

Welcome back. Avoid triggers. Read how others do it and create a plan. Talk with a person in your real life you trust about your addiction. Own it. Know consistently why you want to let go of it. Write down your thoughts on paper. Keep a list nearby which states, in detail, the reasons why you want to heal yourself from this problem. You can do it but you must understand the reasons and causes. You must understand that your mind and addiction will try to sabotage your efforts. All it wants is its fix. You must be powerful enough to not give it to it. Install K9 or use OpenDNS. Recoil away from soft P or P substitutes like poison. You are not ready to handle those yet. I like how you said you'll learn from every relapse, but don't allow them to happen. You'll learn so much more through the process of commitment and the discipline of dealing through something difficult. You'll be a better man for it. Good luck!

 

Thank you for the great words I'll definitely take your advice on board , especially understand how our minds sabotage our efforts, I'll try and be more aware. Just researching open DNS now. Cheers and good luck my friend

 

Thank you. Same to you. I recommend a counter in your signature. It will help motivate you to stay accountable. We are here for you! Thanks for getting here for us.