I have been in a few nofap groups and recovery groups and paid therapy groups to overcome porn addiction. 10 years of recovery. When we have a relapse, often the attitude or question is, “what caused you to relapse” or refer to triggers or events as “causes” of the relapse. Go into deeper thinking about this. Ask the question, “why did I CHOOSE to look at porn, etc?” Everything we do is a choice. But the ultimate act of relapse, whatever that looks like to you is always preceded by several “Seemingly Unimportant Behaviors”, or SUBs which ARE actually VERY important. They are part of a very complex RITUAL that we perform every time we go down that path. For example, I’m not going to go to the porn website. I am just going to look at pics of actresses. Then it changes. You google for bathing suits. Then nude. Then it gots to hard core sex videos or whatever your usual drug of choice for pornography is. So when we say “avoid triggers” or manage triggers, maybe it would be better to recognize the SUBs and not make the choice to do one of these seemingly unimportant behaviors. And when we relapse, let us no longer lie to ourselves that something “caused” me to do it. Let’s not ask each other “what caused your relapse or slip? Let’s own the fact that we made a choice. A deliberate decision to take our drug. Nothing “made me do it”. As a very wise addictionologist with 40+ years of experience, and a dear friend once told me, “ALL RELAPSES ARE PREMEDITATED”. Let’s be accountable to our own selves and be honest and admit that we are the reason for the relapse. Nothing else. No pretty girl. No dream of porn. No accidental pop up on our phone. Let’s own our behaviors and choices.