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All your sexual issues stem from one problem.

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Beekind, Apr 17, 2022.

  1. Beekind

    Beekind Fapstronaut

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  2. Shock WalkerX

    Shock WalkerX Fapstronaut

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  3. engelman

    engelman Fapstronaut

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    Not all of them, but it worsened "thanks" to that and everything changed for the better when my selfesteem boosted and started loving and taking care of myself.
     
  4. Beekind

    Beekind Fapstronaut

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    If you have a healthy self-esteem, you won't get addicted to anything.
     
    cali4sto and deepanshu___2 like this.
  5. Beekind

    Beekind Fapstronaut

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    If you truly love yourself, you won't do anything that would end up hurting you. Especially when you learn about the harm it causes.
    P isn't the issue here. It is the addiction to p that is the issue.
    It becomes a crutch to be used everytime we experience uncomfortable emotions.
    Believe me when i tell you, an addiction can't "stick " to an individual with a healthy self-esteem.
    And believe it or not, even babies have self- esteem. ( possibly after 1)
     
    Have2stop and Psalm27:1my light like this.
  6. TiredOfFailing

    TiredOfFailing Fapstronaut

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    I strongly relate to this. I also started looking at porn at around that age and it was just curiosity. Although, later when I was actually fapping to it and it started getting into fetishes, I had an idea that I was harming myself.
     
  7. BootstrapBill

    BootstrapBill Fapstronaut

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  8. So true. Fixing those inner issues is just as important as resisting urges.
     
    deepanshu___2 and Beekind like this.
  9. I Hate PMO

    I Hate PMO Fapstronaut

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    True. It took me a while to realize this because I thought I already got high self esteem.

    My self esteem issues come from "not being able to defend myself", like physically. I'm quite short (in my country my height would still be seen as average though), and I'm just physically weak and clumsy. I don't know how I'd be able to defend myself if a drunk big dude would attack me.

    That's also the reason why I'm so afraid of people, I'm always afraid who will sit next to me in the bus, or whom I'll meet if I have to go somewhere, especially if it's dark outside.

    Maybe that's kind of the connection to my sissy and cross dress fetish. Because women "don't have to protect themselves, the men protect the women" and "women are physically weak". So to kind of deal with my physical issues, I may escalate to this sissy stuff. Cross dressing was something which always turned me on, way before porn, because I felt that tight female clothing, especially pantyhose, makes me feel "secure". Why secure? Because I pretend that I'm a girl, and females don't need to defend themselves in any way, because the guys will defend the female.

    It's just funny because Ive been having that cross dressing fetish since I was like 6 years old.

    But it kind of makes sense i guess. Because if I make a thought experiment in which I can defend myself like Steven Segal, I simply don't have the need to cross dress at all, all that attraction to sissy and femdom vanishes, because it is me who fucks the world
     
    Beekind likes this.
  10. Beekind

    Beekind Fapstronaut

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    The last sentence is pure gold. A man who is confident and secure feels like he is bending the world over....
     
  11. gorl

    gorl Fapstronaut

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    you didn't have to call me out like that sir
     
    A97CU4ca and deepanshu___2 like this.
  12. GeorgeJetson

    GeorgeJetson Fapstronaut

    This is 100% false.
     
    Beekind and gorl like this.
  13. Beekind

    Beekind Fapstronaut

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    Please elaborate
     
  14. GeorgeJetson

    GeorgeJetson Fapstronaut

    Addiction goes far deeper than just self-esteem. I'm not going to spend an hour with this as you can simply do your own research and understand that even people with a high level of self-esteem can be addicts. There are so many other contributers: biological factors such as genetics and mental illness. There are environmental factors such as home and family life, peer pressure, social and other stressors. The list goes on bro and to say that one who has a high self-esteem won't get addicted to anything is so far from accurate it's not even really worth this response. Not at all trying to be disrespectful or judge you, however, your statement is far from informed.
     
    Beekind likes this.
  15. I honestly don't know where my addiction comes from. I have always been attracted to bigger women and was okay having sex with slender women. But once I started incorporating M & O - things drastically changed and I have been so hardwired for I think plus size/bigger women. However, I also have a deathly fear of being judged by my family, friends and society.

    It's gotten to the point where I am always anxious with dating, with my erection quality - like I wake up everyday wondering oh - do i have a morning wood? I wonder if its psychological, physical, is this porn thing really an issue or am I just trying to be abstinent or not?

    Between porn and dating apps, I have seen so many women so I'm not even sure what gets me happy today anymore.

    It's driving me up a fucking wall and I am running out of options.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 16, 2022
    Nathan4, Beekind and GeorgeJetson like this.
  16. GeorgeJetson

    GeorgeJetson Fapstronaut

    I can definitely relate to the feeling of despair. For me, when I try to "logically" think my way out of things, or perform some deep analysis on the origin of my addictions, I get absolutely nowhere and just become even more discouraged and frustrated. It's not until I fully surrender to my addiction and accept in my heart I am completely powerless, that I'm actually able to start making progress. You see, when I try to logically think my way out of all my addictions, I fail everytime...as you would say "running out of options." Taking a 12 step program approach and accepting my powerlessness and unmanageability and that I'm insane is my first course of action. Next up is realizing that something greater than myself (this community, God, nature, etc) could restore me back to sanity. Depending on something else rather than logically thinking my way out of things is the way up for me...because like you, I ran out of options. The only thing left is a dependance on something greater, because my ways never work. Therefore, I am staying connected to this community throughout the day. In addition, I praying to my higher power to remove the obsession and compulsion. Fully surrendering is paramount for my recovery. I suggest you hit your knees and beg a power greater than yourself to remove the obsession and compulsion and provide the strength and courage to stay sober...just for today. At this point to have nothing to lose, but everything to gain.
     
    seaniebgood and Rehab101 like this.
  17. happenstance

    happenstance Fapstronaut

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    I would be more inclined to say "Self-Worth". But whatever
    You are the one who is WRONG! If you have an appropriate level of self-esteem and self-worth you are resilient to these factors. So don't bother to spend an hour on it because I have done the research. I have done the program. I do understand. If you genuinely believe it by all means share your research with the rest of us. All of these contributing factors you mention? They are all contributing factors to a dysfunctional and unhealthy self-esteem and self-worth. So if it's not really worth a response why did you feel so compelled to make one? No judgment here either but to say that his statement is "far from informed" is "far from informed".
     
    Beekind likes this.
  18. GeorgeJetson

    GeorgeJetson Fapstronaut

    Glad to hear your passion and fire on this topic. I like that!

    Getting back to the original comment and what prompted my response:

    "If you have a healthy self-esteem, you won't get addicted to anything."

    This is completely false. Take for example a Doctor prescribing pain meds to a patient with a "healthy self-esteem" and no prexisting knowledge or experience with addiction or being addicted to anything. After continued use of the pain meds (narcotics) they eventually become physically addicted...but they have a healthy self-esteem.

    The original comment is incredibly vague and the use of the word "anything" means anything and everything. So I take that as not just an addiction to P and M, but also drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc. The comment also assumes everybody has the same circumstances and improving self-esteem will fix it all. The point I'm trying to make is the root of addiction goes far deeper than just self-esteem...and if it was just that, why don't we just attend self-esteem rehabs, self-esteem groups, and take self-esteem meds all for the sake of curing our addictions? I realize and agree self-esteem is a deep contributing factor, but I'm also saying there are many additional factors that must be recognized and addressed as well. Pinning our addiction solely on self-esteem is a bit wreckless as us humans are many and varied. Addiction is very complex and involves self-esteem and a whole lot more.

    The original comment is suggesting that fixing our self-esteem (only) will make us impenetrable to addiction. My point is there is a lot more to it in addition to self-esteem. Sure, there is definitely a connection between self-esteem and addiction, but it's not the ONLY contributing factor. Family history (genetics), responses to stress, current living situations, and potential personality disorders, can all play a role and should not be overlooked.
     
    Last edited: May 16, 2022
    Rehab101 likes this.
  19. GeorgeJetson

    GeorgeJetson Fapstronaut

    None of us are born with low self-esteem. Low self-esteem is more so a consequence or symptom of many other contributing factors...such as family history, response to stress, living situations, personality disorders, and so on. It should also be noted that having a high self-esteem could be a catalyst to problems like addiction as well.
     
  20. happenstance

    happenstance Fapstronaut

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    Last post on this subject as I just don’t have the time for it.
    And why did they become physically addicted? They’re in chronic pain. They can’t work. They can’t meet the physical demands of their household family and also sex life among other demands. Please explain to me how what started out as a prescription for pain meds doesn’t have an overall impact on one’s self-esteem and self-worth. The fact is that it does. So now that we’re on pain meds can we just stop it? Hardly. We have to go dive into our self-esteem and self-worth and lift those things back up to where they belong before this journey of addiction began. We didn’t become addicted because of the pain. If we did anyone who receieves pain meds will become addicted to them.
    Really? Where did you see that assumption? I didn’t see any assumptions. I only saw a single statement. I didn’t assume everybody has the same circumstances. However I do know that improving self-worth is at the heart of any genuine lasting recovery. Don’t believe it? Try fixing it without it.
    Point taken. However we don’t attend self-esteem rehabs groups or take meds because they don’t exist and that is most unfortunate. We spend all of our time trying to slap a bandaid on it when we are hemorrhaging. Maybe if we start looking at the problem instead of treating the symptoms we can actually make real headway in treating it. If we did though a whole lot of people in the business of supposedly fixing it would go out of business. But for now we have the intellectual acumen of the internet including this place to rely on.
    Does it not occur to you that all of these factors are a subset of self-esteem and self-worth and that neither are a subset of these factors? Think about that why don’t you. Yes addiction is very complex, and all of these factors have an adverse affect on our self-esteem and self-worth. I have no problem with him pinning it on self-esteem even if I do think it goes beyond self-esteem into self-worth. Since self-esteem is a subset of self-worth, it pretty much captures both.
    All of these things…history (genetics), responses to stress, current living situations, and potential personality disorders, greatly affect our self-esteem and self-worth. So I would concur that if the self-worth problem is fixed so too will the addiction be fixed along with it. But whatever. Believe whatever you want. That’s my humble opinion. I copied it from my previous reply.
     
    Shaolin3000 and GeorgeJetson like this.

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