Almost 2 years on NoFap, but there's something...

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Felipe_, Dec 4, 2020.

  1. Felipe_

    Felipe_ New Fapstronaut

    Hey, so my name is Felipe, and It's almost two years since I started NoFap. Not gonna lie; I remember the day it all started. It was amazing, and my life finally contained a purpose to fight myself that I had to accomplish no matters what. I had this fire inside me who wanted to destroy and give my best to everything that puts into my way. I remember walking by in school, feeling so much confident around people; my walking just improved like crazy, the way I talked, how calm I was. Everything flipped out. I FINALLY HAD FELT EMOTIONS. You know, sometimes I wish I go back to those 30-Days when it all started. The amount of motivation I had was something out of this world. Reached 60-Days, amazing, and so on. Until, yeah, there's kind of a sad part of this story that's been kind of killing me inside, which is the reason I'm writing this thread looking for advice. You know, I met so many people, friends, and some girls that I really liked. There's this one girl that I met, it was going incredible at the start, but over time I made many mistakes based on my ego that made her go away. That hurt for some reason a lot. Like, I wasn't talking with my heart. It was just me trying to be some type of fuckboy, which I'm not. And I know deep inside I'm better than that. You know, when I first met her, my NoFap benefits doubled and went through the roof. And right now I feel that even if I have her right now, I'll feel the same. I feel like I'm on an unstoppable flatline. For some reason, I have no emotions and I'm cold as ice. Like a rock. Thinking all the time, I can't even concentrate when I do the sport I enjoy the most. I feel like I think too much about the future, and not take action on the present. Like, I could give the chance to talk to this girl again, send her some picture... I get butterflies, but at the same time, I feel like if I chat her something or tell her something, we're going to be playing games again that make me feel worse. I'll be real here, I just want to go do something with her, facetime her... I don't know where to start. I feel like every action that I'm going to take, I just don't have the balls to do it, because my ego is too high, or I just don't want to get hurt so my instincts don't let me be myself as a self-defense mechanism, and I hate that SO much. I don't care if she's my girlfriend or not. I just want to have a closer relationship with her. Before I met her, my life was amazing with NoFap, and now that I know her more, and it's being hard for me to reach her, life feels so empty. I don't really know where to start or what to do. I just feel that every action I make is going to go wrong. Sometimes I'm just so insecure about my actions I can't even believe it. Like I know I just have to do it, but my insecurity kills me. I REALLY just want to be more secure with my actions and with my own self-being. But it's so hard for me for some reason. Incredible how that only occurs with PEOPLE, because with other things that don't depend on people... things that just depend on myself and the thing that I'm doing, my security is through the roof.

    (I'm also going to be at a place she's going to be this whole Christmas. A place on the beach. Not in the same house, but close to mine).

    I'm also insecure about posting this, but fuck it, here you have it.
    Knighthawk likes this.
  2. Whity654

    Whity654 Fapstronaut

    I somewhat relate to this situation.

    I deal with this ongoing war with my insecurities but towards my girlfriend instead.

    The best option I have come up with is along the lines of trying to focus my mind on other things, being less emotionally dependent on her, also I try to stop overthinking things or argue with my own mind which can be difficult.

    I personally have gone through a stage lately where when I get insecure or overthink things, I try to play out every possible scenario in my head and its likelihood (this is still overthinking but it works for me), and then I I look at them in the probability of happening. This usually leads me to laugh at some of the things I had overthought about when trying to commit to doing something.

    I think it's a form of anxiety really and what you're feeling is more anxious than just insecure. You should try to have some time to yourself, just sit with your mind and try to logically think over things before you panic over them as usually, your panic is totally misplaced and ridiculous (as I find usually)

    In my situation, I put my issue down to lack of self-confidence and you're coming across like that is a similar issue for you. Confidence is something rather underrated and something I took for granted before I lost all of mine but I believe that being transparent with yourself, working on yourself, and most importantly, accepting yourself and trying to overthink less is a way of taking baby steps in building it back up.

    It was a great write-up, though & I, for one are glad that you posted it despite even overthinking whether you should do that.

    I wish you luck with the girl but I also encourage you not to force yourself into any situation which is too uncomfortable too soon or this can have a worse mental effect.

    1) be yourself
    2) work on yourself
    3) accept yourself

    Those are the three key things that I believe we all need and sometimes neglect in our lives causing our fragility mentally.

    I'll be checking on this post if you have any updates or discuss further!
  3. stylis162

    stylis162 Fapstronaut

    Yeah I was feeling the same I think the reason is that we don't realise why we want to improve ourselves and we just do it and it's great at the start but then things are the same for some time and same and same and we are losing the meaning of nofap and self improvement
    Remember the reason you improve your self to be a better person in a place where people suck you want to become a better person to spread love to the world so you can live in a peaceful place
  4. stylis162

    stylis162 Fapstronaut

    Don't be so close to your self be valuable and beneficial for the world just that
  5. TheForsakeen

    TheForsakeen Fapstronaut

    Well i would like to tell you that it get better with times but i have never been dumped by a girl...

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